Your Larry David moment (3 Viewers)

[rape the drummer]

my own personal one happened just last week- 3rd day in college, me and another friend are recounting the humorous ways we changed the words to the song 'Monster' by The Automatic the day before. I say- "what was the one niall said", mate replies- "oh, the one about the midget" Me (even though i had seen this guy walking towards us a few moments earlier who was a 'midget') repeat the lines in a stupidly put on english accent (as he passes by)- "What's that coming out of the suit? Is it a midget? Yeah, its a midget". me and my mate kept awkward silence for a moment then and never mentioned it again.

My mate had a funnier one which i witnessed however. At a party, he ran out of beer so he sneakily takes someone else's corona. We didnt like many of the other people at the party but one lad we did like came up and started chatting- however my mate who had taken the corona had realised this guy had been drinking corona all night. So in a vain attempt to conceal the fact he stole yer man's beer, he places his hand strategically over the corona sticker. Well, it turned out yer man had suspected the stealing of the beer as shortly into the conversation he asks-
"what are you drinking lynchy?" my mate replies with a sheepish unconvincing mumble: "Miller"
Yer man then says- "is it? let me see" and starts to pry my mates fingers away from the sticker, and my mate actually resists it for a second before the corona sticker is embarrassingly revealed. Yer man then says- "that's not miller. it's a corona. why'd you say you had miller?"
My mate replies; "its not yours, i made sure it wasnt yours" So yer man just walks off.
After that my mate is a little annoyed that he's pissed yer man off but in true larry david style starts to say: "why did he want to see the sticker? what kind of person would actually pull your hand away to see the sticker on the beer."

In the end to make up for it he stole a fosters can off someone else and gave it to yer man so all was forgiven. was funny though

 

[evil bandit]

Last year when I was still living at home I went to Dunnes to get myself a pizza and something for my mum for her birthday. When in the aisles I remembered that I needed some condoms so picked up a packet then went to the till and got the strangest look off the checkout girl but thought nothing of it.

It was only when I got home I realised that I bought a pizza, a bottle of wine, some condoms and a card that said happy birthday mum

 

[thickaspigshit]

Just dropped one in the printer room and then my boss walked in and started asking questions about stuff.

Had an awkward look on her face
!cheezy !bog

 

[Lord Damian]

Last year when I was still living at home I went to Dunnes to get myself a pizza and something for my mum for her birthday. When in the aisles I remembered that I needed some condoms so picked up a packet then went to the till and got the strangest look off the checkout girl but thought nothing of it.

It was only when I got home I realised that I bought a pizza, a bottle of wine, some condoms and a card that said happy birthday mum

if this is true, it's the best thing i'll read today.

hell, even if it isn't true...

 

[Richie]

Here's one that didn't actually happen to me, but that I witnessed not so long ago.. I was at a house party with some friends, and a few friends of theirs that I hadn't met before. One of the guys I knew (let's call him Rory) was introducing two other guys that hadn't met before (let's call them Peter and Dave) to each other. It turned out that, coincidentally, they'd grown up in the same town, and Rory realised that they both knew a guy (let's call him Barry) who was from that town. "Oh Peter, you know Barry, don't you?" says Rory, just after introducing the two guys. Peter is a little bit drunk, and tries for a bit of laddish humour: "Yeah, I know him... and his ma!" (Barry's ma is apparently a bit of a looker). He turns to Dave, as this woman's good looks are apparently a talking point in that town, and asks "Would you do her?" Now, what Rory was about to reveal to Peter, if he'd waited a few seconds, is that the other guy Dave is Barry's BROTHER. So, just after being introduced to a stranger for the first time, the very first words he's said to the guy, in an attempt to make a good impression, are to ask him would he 'do' his own mother. Cue Rory pissing himself laughing, and a mortified mutual silence from the other two guys for the rest of the night.

 

[shidheat]

i used to live abroad and this one time i was over at a friend's house who had an old friend visiting from ireland. i had not long been introduced to the guy when for some reason i off-handedly said something negative about born-again christians, not thinking about whether this guy was one or not; which of course, he was. there then followed an exchange between me and the two of them with me being very much on the defensive since i was fully sure they were trying to wind me up. i mean, my friend is about as religeous as i am. it was something along the lines of:

"so have you a problem with born again christians?"
"why? and i suppose you're one are you? yeah, right"
"yeah, i am"
"i'd say you are. where's your bible if you're a born again christian?"
"it's upstairs, do you want me to get it?"
"yeah!"
"right, i will" - at which point he went and brought down his bible

 

[тхеодоре кацзынски]

double post sorry

 

[тхеодоре кацзынски]

nothing as bad as most of the above,but just now got a FILTHY look off some lady in tesco for counting whether or not she had 15 items or less.was 15 dead on but still.

 

[Wavioli]

while sharing a drink with some chinese people while I was there I raised my glass for a cheers, and when the glasses tipped i said 'chinkies!' completely forgetting the racial slur use of the word.

It wasnt a true Larry David moment - they didnt notice...

 

[ernesto]

while sharing a drink with some chinese people while I was there I raised my glass for a cheers, and when the glasses tipped i said 'chinkies!' completely forgetting the racial slur use of the word.

It wasnt a true Larry David moment - they didnt notice...

'no no,...its an irish custom......it irish for eh.....chinkis means....slainte.... ah fuck'

 

[Wavioli]

also my girlfriend has quite bad eye sight and was constantly making the chinese eyes so that she could see things. I had to keep reminding her where we were...

 

[thickaspigshit]

This thread is better than Top Tips in Viz .|..|

 

[evil bandit]

if this is true, it's the best thing i'll read today.

hell, even if it isn't true...

Tiz as true as I'm typing here.

 

[тхеодоре кацзынски]

chatting to some german girl in work i ask her what part of germania shes from,she names some random town id never heard of so i ask "wheres that?" she says "east germany" so without even thinking i say "oh,yr a communist"
she just looked at me for a few seconds then didnt talk to me for the rest of the day.

 

[clonan attack]

thats not that good, thats actually just you being really ignorant

 

[тхеодоре кацзынски]

thats not that good, thats actually just you being really ignorant

ah chill out,i was trying to make conversation with her,when she said east germany the first thing that popped into my head was communism and out it came.

 

[Jerry Twig]

When I was a teenager, I was walking down the street with a fella from school I didn't know that well...I saw a billboard sign for "Corkys" alco-pop, so I made some sort of joke about the character with Down's Syndrome, Corky, from "Life Goes On" (as you do, when you're a stupid teenager).

He never said at the time, but I found out later that his brother has Down's Sydrome.

I cringe even now, thinking about it.

Missed this thread, but this post reminded me of a thing we used to do in school. Planned with 'Alan', I'd go up to some lad and say 'Did you see Alan's sister playing the piano on the Late Late on Friday night?'.
'No way!'.
'Fucking ask him yourself'.
So they'd swan up to him and say 'Is it true your sister was playing the piano on the Late Late the other night?'
To which he would reply 'You fucking bastard, my sister has no fingers' and storm off before they get to say anything.

Never failed!

 

[tim]

Once when I was at the cinema I stopped to take a leak before leaving.

On my way towards the mens toilets I noticed that a short foreign women ahead of me was heading into the men's toilet. So I said:

ME: "ehhhhh thats the mens toilet".

NO RESPONSE

ME: "ehhhhh sorry thats the mens"

NO RESPONSE

ME:"You are going into the mens toilet"

The "women" turned around and said.

"Yes....I am a man".

I smiled and nodded and went straight into a cubicle and cringed.

Then to top it all off I had actually just been to see a really shit Samuel L film called THE MAN. And as I was leaving the toilet the man who I had repeatedly with all conviction kept telling he was going into the mens toilets said "hahah... you the man".

Smiled and cringed and made my way out of the cinema as quickly as possible.

 

[Paddy Casey]

Hi Guys,

I think you should rename this the Michael Richards thread.
thanks for listening
Paddy
​

 

[тхеодоре кацзынски]

Hi Guys,​

I think you should rename this the Michael Richards thread.
thanks for listening
Paddy​

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