Your Larry David moment (2 Viewers)

[mr pharmacist!!!!1]

didnt happen to me but we all shared the collective "earth swallow me up now" when it happened.

when i was living in england we were sitting getting locked in the student bar one night, talking about that movie go (the vegas part of the movie with the lads on the roadtrip)
long story short my mate stands up whilst talking about that scene and bellows out "WHAT NIGGA THIS NIGGA?!" (its a quote from the movie)
even before he said it i was sunk below the table cause right behind him was a table of black guys.

 

[ernesto]

there's a joke that goes 'what would you call the Flintstones if they were black?'
punchline: 'nigger bastards'

my friend was telling this joke to someone and just as he came to the punchline, a black guy walked over, having not heard the previous lead-in but still wants to hear the punchline too coz everyone else looks so enthrawled but noe, ever so awkward too.

and my mate just goes..... the...eh...... th..th.the jet..sons... he skulled his pint,said his goodbyes and immediatley went to the bar.

shut up, ye had to be there

 

[evil bandit]

We were travelling around America three years ago and went from Vegas to the Gran Canyon. So I went to take my camera out of it's case to get a few snaps but forgot I'd stuck about 20 of those (fairly graphic) Vegas Call Girl Cards in it so they went flying everywhere with all the families looking at me with disgust

Also once I was getting some cans in the local Off Licence in Portmarnock and just as I opened my wallet, a condom fell out between me and the quite elderly cashier. I could do nothing but leave it there pay for the cans and just throw it in the bag after trying to maintain my dignity.

A simialr thing happened to Damon_Kind in work if I recall.

 

[hermie]

i was visiting my grandparents one day and had to get the bus from their house to meet my girlfriend at the time. the bus usually takes about 20 mins to get to town so i told the girl id meet her when i got off the bus.

this particular day there seemed to be a shitoad of traffic and the bus stuck on patricks st, a 20 second walk from where i was meeting herself. we had been sitting in the same place for about 15 mins when an old woman asked the bus driver would he let her off the bus as we werent moving and she had to go to the bank. bus driver said no. two more ladies asked the drver and he said no to both. i decided to give my two cents to the driver, so i walked up and said quietly to him "stop acting the bollocks leave us off the bus we've been stuck here for 20 mins in traffic, we have things to do" all of a sudden he turns around and screams " dont YOU call me a fucking bollocks!" i try to explain that we all have things to do and people to meet and its not fair to be stuck on the bus, but hes still shouting and screaming at me...

another guy decides to come up and talk to the driver or so i thought. the fella walks up and punches the bus driver right in the face! I have to hold the two guys apart and calm them down, but the bus driver locks myself and the other guy on the bus while the guards arrive. everyone is now crowding around the bus pointing at me thinking i have clocked the bus driver and i have to ring my girlfriend and say "sorry ill be late, i got in a fight with a bus driver"

in the end the guard blames me for the fight and im given a caution in front of about 50 people.

that's fuckin hilarious.there's a curb episode in that right there for sure.

in another telesales call, this one is my bad unfortunately, i was talking to this galway woman.we had to ask these marketing questions at the end of the call, she was quite soft-spoken, had a strong accent though and sounded a bit out of sorts.so i ask, "...and have you a big family, are there any kids in the house?"

she mumbles something like "no, i just married my husband a couple of weeks ago"

"oh congratulations, and have you a mobile phone in the house?"

she goes silent, i ask what wrong and she eventually says

"i just told you i buried my husband a couple of weeks ago"



another guy working there inquiring after a dead husband asked "what time do you expect him back at?"

 

[Scientician 0.8]

I had to ring a priest and enquire about a mass one time. I got his number, third hand from someone and it was a norn iron number, and by the time i got it it must have been the wrong number. I rang the number and asked if "Father Murray" was there and this elderly woman shouted down the phone "No! They're both dead!" and hung up the phone.

 

[Osama Van Halen]

I RECENTLY REMARKED ON A LITTLE KID'S 'COOL LITTLE FAKE SOUL PATCH'... TURNS OUT IT WAS A BIG MOLE ON HIS CHIN. JAZZY.

HAD A LARRY WITH GTJ, COCK-BOX AND MERV....WHILE DISCUSSING SEINFELD. WAS TO DO WITH THE NAME MERVYN.

AND THERE'S THE IMMORTAL WORDS.."CRAZY FUCKIN' JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. GET AWAY FROM ME!!". ENTER JEHOVAH'S WITNESS.


LARRAQUAANNNDO!!!

 

[dAndAn]

I was queing behind some aul’one at the ATM. She does her shit then goes. Just as I approach the ATM to take out some cash, she comes back and starts frantically accusing me of taking a score on her from the ATM, that she forget to take it from the machine and that I must have stole it. I casually replied “I didn’t take your money, there wasn’t 20 euro there”

So, she goes off into a crazy rant about being broke and pregnant (she was) and that I’m a “scumbag knacker”. Next of all I’m getting boots in the shins off this little ox of an aul’one while she screams insults at me. After the first few boots I had to do something - cos I wasn’t about to get a pregnant woman in a headlock - so I starts shouting at her “I'LL FUCKING SUE YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH, ITS ALL ON CAMERA.” as I point to the camera above the door of the bank – “I DIDNT TAKE YOUR MONEY YOU FUCKIN LUNATIC etc etc.....”. After more screaming from the two of us she decides to bail and jumps into a waiting car. Screaming “YOURE A FUCKING SCUMBAG, I'LL REMEMEBER YOUR FACE” as the car takes off. I’m left there with a crowd of onlookers thinking I just stole money from a heavily pregnant woman.

Hahaha

 

[sweetoblivion]

One of the last times I was back in Cork I was at a gig and bumped into a few people I hadn't seen in yonks. I was chatting to one of them, a member of a Cork band who may or may not be on OOAL Records, when I shouted over the din, "So, I hear you've got a new single out?" He looked at me really strangely, and said rather defensively, "Oh, am I?". I couldn't figure where I'd gone wrong until I copped afterwards that he must have thought I'd said "So, I hear you're single now?" or something to that effect. Morto. If he's reading this, I wasn't trying to chat you up!!

 

[Ciarán R]

One of the last times I was back in Cork I was at a gig and bumped into a few people I hadn't seen in yonks. I was chatting to one of them, a member of a Cork band who may or may not be on OOAL Records, when I shouted over the din, "So, I hear you've got a new single out?" He looked at me really strangely, and said rather defensively, "Oh, am I?". I couldn't figure where I'd gone wrong until I copped afterwards that he must have thought I'd said "So, I hear you're single now?" or something to that effect. Morto. If he's reading this, I wasn't trying to chat you up!!

Ha - which fool did you say this to?

 

[Lord Damian]

I don't have Larry David moments, he has 'me' moments.

i'm forever going into friends' new houses/apts and saying "yeah, i get it, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room...."

 

[snakybus]

there's a joke that goes 'what would you call the Flintstones if they were black?'
punchline: 'nigger bastards'

Somehow I don't think Larry David would have something racist like this in his show.

 

[Mormon Nailer]

I was in the hotel bar last night. I was horsing Jameson into me. the girl behind the bar was joking that she'd have me pissed by 9 O'Clock. I was all bravado and said Now way - do you know who your dealing with - I have the constitution for it". Which was grand untill about 8.30 when I got up to go for a piss and had a very dramatic speed wobble.

The eternal shame.

then the bedside light in the room wouldnt work. I left a very polite message for the cleanng lady to sa "BOTH LIGHTS ARE FUCKED". When I got back the next day message was gone and the lights still didn't work. I left another message "THE LIGHTS ARE STILL FUCKED". When I god back the third day this message was also gone except this time I noticed thet the fucking lights werent plugged in all along.

 

[ernesto]

Somehow I don't think Larry David would have something racist like this in his show.

ah shut yer hole snaky

 

[snakybus]

well now, that's very rude isn't it

 

[ernesto]

well now, that's very rude isn't it

are you offended?

 

[snakybus]

no, I just think you're a dick

 

[ernesto]

no, I just think you're a dick

well i was going to apoolgize if you're offended because i was only messing but since you took the low road & called me a dick. i won't.

unless you're messing. in which case

 

[snakybus]

ah just messin bud yer sound out

 

[ernesto]

ah just messin bud yer sound out

YOU'RE a dick.... yeah, see how ye like that...yeah...who's a dick now Snakybus...haHA!!!



..... high five!!!

 

[sweetoblivion]

Ha - which fool did you say this to?

careful now! He's usually a sound bloke obviously...maybe he was after a break up or something, I dunno! He's...tall.