Your Larry David moment (3 Viewers)

[ernesto]

haha redner.

i used to work in telesales for my sins and we had an automatic dialler (ie calls would come in without you having to do anything).once i was chatting to my mate about a documentary on the sex trade in thailand.we started making light of it, as you do and he suddenly comes out with "YOU WANT AN ASIAN PROSTITUTE, I'LL GET YOU AN ASIAN PROSTITUTE. I COULD GET YOU ONE IN 5 MINUTES!" only to realise he was screaming down the phone to Mr McGrane from Booterstown

i see Doro has replaced Fizz in the old avatar there Herms.

yeah, still on for tomorrow

 

[Beanstalk]

When I was a teenager, I was walking down the street with a fella from school I didn't know that well...I saw a billboard sign for "Corkys" alco-pop, so I made some sort of joke about the character with Down's Syndrome, Corky, from "Life Goes On" (as you do, when you're a stupid teenager).

He never said at the time, but I found out later that his brother has Down's Sydrome.

I cringe even now, thinking about it.

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

when i was about 16/17, i was walking up terenure road east when i saw two birds i knew ahead of me.

i ran up behind them and shouted "bollard you slag" at the top of my voice as i approached them (one of their surnames was bollard).

The two of them turned around and neither were who i thought they were, but seeing as i was still running towards them, i just thought fuck it, and ran through them shouting and pretending to be mental.

then i ran into Coman's pub and had two pints, to make sure they were gone.

 

[ernesto]

when i was about 16/17, i was walking up terenure road east when i saw two birds i knew ahead of me.

i ran up behind them and shouted "bollard you slag" at the top of my voice as i approached them (one of their surnames was bollard).

The two of them turned around and neither were who i thought they were, but seeing as i was still running towards them, i just thought fuck it, and ran through them shouting and pretending to be mental.

then i ran into Coman's pub and had two pints, to make sure they were gone.

good work n1NjA

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

good work n1NjA

thanks dude.

 

[Goodbye]

I was going to start a thread of the very same title a couple of weeks ago. Nice one Anto!

The story I wanted to tell is too long to type right now, I'll do that tomorrow, but for now...

There was some painting going on in my house recently enough, when from my kitchen i saw the painter guy struggling with some paint cans he was carrying akwardly... so I offered help...

I goes: "You need a hand there?"
He holds up a stump.
He goes: "Yeah, but I can manage"

True story

 

[Mormon Nailer]

I was at a wedding in Bournemount. I was all dressed up in morning coat. After the ceremony was over I ran down the street to a little shop for a Lucozade (I had a bugger of a hangover).

There was a bit of a queue as thery were doing sandwitches and stuff. I pulled a drink from the fridge and asked this woman in the queue "will you pay for this for me"

She fucking gawked funny at me so I said again "I'm in a terribe hurry, heres the money, will you pay for this for me, I can't wait" she says OK and I give her the money. As I go out the door she says "you can't just walk out with that"

Dopey old cow

 

[clonan attack]

Mine is quite like Pads,
A new Russian speaking Estonian girl started in work and we were trying to get Russian curse words out of her. Not willing to lower her tone to our level we started searching the net for some.

Found some classics such as "i will poke out your grandfathers eye with my dick and feed it to your grandma" and then the usual ,fuck, shit, bitch etc...

So anyway we were having a great laugh trying to pronounce it when the librarian in work rang up bout some archive video's, i answered and read the first one i saw "OTSOSSI" and we all laughed, but it turns out the Irish librarian knew Russian and so knew that i answered the phone with " Suck my balls" in Russian. I hung up cos i was embarrassed laughing too much.

Just to put the nail in the coffin as i was telling the story to one of the lads and said the part "So basically i told JOHN to suck my balls" WHO was behind me but JOHN!". awkward.

On the off chance he misheard the term of abuse in 2 different languages, the guy i told the story to was telling the last story to another girl and as he got to the punchline the girl informed him JOHN was once again, 3rd time that day, behind them.

it still makes me grimace, he's middle aged and so quiet.My Larry moment.

 

[Monkey]

I went to see Bob Dylan when he played in kilkenny about 5 years ago with a couple of mates. A friend of a friend tagged along and brought one of his mates. We all hated this guy so we ditched them before the gig. Then we went and had a cup of coffee and when we were getting up to go the two other lads walk into the place.

We had to hide in this tiny coffee shop until they left. They were two tables and and there was a giant mirror right beside us. We could hear them talking abput where we might have gone.

 

[Chad]

i was visiting my grandparents one day and had to get the bus from their house to meet my girlfriend at the time. the bus usually takes about 20 mins to get to town so i told the girl id meet her when i got off the bus.

this particular day there seemed to be a shitoad of traffic and the bus stuck on patricks st, a 20 second walk from where i was meeting herself. we had been sitting in the same place for about 15 mins when an old woman asked the bus driver would he let her off the bus as we werent moving and she had to go to the bank. bus driver said no. two more ladies asked the drver and he said no to both. i decided to give my two cents to the driver, so i walked up and said quietly to him "stop acting the bollocks leave us off the bus we've been stuck here for 20 mins in traffic, we have things to do" all of a sudden he turns around and screams " dont YOU call me a fucking bollocks!" i try to explain that we all have things to do and people to meet and its not fair to be stuck on the bus, but hes still shouting and screaming at me...

another guy decides to come up and talk to the driver or so i thought. the fella walks up and punches the bus driver right in the face! I have to hold the two guys apart and calm them down, but the bus driver locks myself and the other guy on the bus while the guards arrive. everyone is now crowding around the bus pointing at me thinking i have clocked the bus driver and i have to ring my girlfriend and say "sorry ill be late, i got in a fight with a bus driver"

in the end the guard blames me for the fight and im given a caution in front of about 50 people.

 

[It Will Never Last]

Stood in the Point one night shouting TimAy all night, turned round at the end of the gig to find a dude in a wheelchair right behind us. Morto.

Then there's the time we were slagging off Leagues O'Toole in the Ambassadaor one night, same story, he was stood behind us. Fuck him.

 

[steveamanakick]

was that c o's?

twasn't.. 'twas someone we both very know well.
That was a particularly cringey moment, i remember it as if it were yesterday, which it weren't
Ah, the High Stool...

 

[Ciarán R]

twasn't.. 'twas someone we both very know well.
That was a particularly cringey moment, i remember it as if it were yesterday, which it weren't
Ah, the High Stool...

who was it? Pm me. I remember the story but I'm trying to remember....LM???

 

[nlgbbbblth]

one day in edinburgh, having seen the film "kids" the night before i was recounting a certain scene to a friend. the scene involves a legless man of african american origin pushing himself down a subway atop a skateboard singing cheerily "i have no legs, i have no legs". now i found this to be rather drole and the next day proceeded to tell a pal of mine the story, but just as i got to the part where i told him what this character had said "i have no legs, i have no legs" then someone in a wheelchair passed by. now i found this to be terribly embarassing, but at the same time i could see the humor in it. and i was telling another pal what had just happened to me, and again just as i was getting to the part "i have no legs" another wheelchair bound individual passed by. the third time i began to tell the story i saw the last in the tripartie pass by and managed to stop the tale just in time. at that point i retired from storytelling.

hah hah
that scene is one of my most favourite ever.

plus the dude singing Danny Boy and the young guy trying to dance.

 

[sugar_referee]

In howth in about 4thyear, I shouted ' THE MILKYBARS ARE ON ME'' at a kid with blond hair and glasses walking down the road.

of bloody course, the little fucker turns out to be an albino.


..........I took a risk.

 

[BC]

'Keep it brown man'

 

[Yurn!]

How's it collapsing monkey muff??

 

[BC]

well mexico.

 

[dunderhead]

on the bus one day,this guy from college at the time that i barely know sits next to me with his down's syndrome brother. general shit talk going on. dried up pretty quick half way through the trip. had to bring the brother into it.

"So your babysitting the brother tonight yeah?"

"That's my sister"

I cant remember what i said after that, more than likely just dismissed what i said in my own mind and talked about bus ticket prices or something.

 

[jillface]

trying to give away a free return bus ticket in edinburgh, hungover i forgot to think about how to phrase my sentence

"so.. do you take the bus often..?"

"ehh... no... bye."
*stands up, moves five seats forward*

-criiiinge-

i sounded like a fucking perv with no tact!