Your Larry David moment (3 Viewers)

[Anthony]

We've heard about RSJ's lift to work problem, anyone got any more?

 

[Yurn!]

Outside the Stags Head once a guy came up to me and asked me for some change. I politely said no. He asked everyone else in the circle and then returned, to my surprise, to re-ask me for cash.

He double-begged. I didn't like it.

 

[japeo]

i asked a dude from mexico if he could speak mexican in front of a big group once.

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

this one time i had a string quartet play wagner in my neighbours front garden

 

[It Will Never Last]

I told a Lithuanian bouncer to fuck off back to Poland one night.

I'd been drinking, I'm not proud.

Does me getting chucked out of a hotel in Bolton after being accused of loitering around the ladies toilets count?

 

[dudley]

having a conversation with an asian guy in chicago once

him: "i'm heading to japan next week"
me: "oh nice, how long is it since you've been home?"
him: "um, i am home. i've never left the US before"
me: "ah deadly, i'll just jump out that window there"

 

[It Will Never Last]

Who was it off here who was working in a late night coffee shop in the States and issued the immortal phrase "right lads, have yis no homes to be going to" to a bunch of homeless dudes?

 

[jane]

Oh, I have millions of these, but the best one recently was a couple of weeks ago. Due to unforseen circumstances, I found myself in a room full of mushy canapes, fancy cheese and Tories, and some lady came up to me and asked "Who let you in here?" Not in those words, exactly, but she did grill me as to why *I* was wearing a badge that said "Speaker", and why I got something she didn't (Um, because I was speaking?).

To make a long story longer, there were some leaflets on a table advertising an exhibition of Mingei, which I *now* know is Japanese 'art of the people'. Of course, half blind, exhausted and crammed so full of canapes they were coming out my ears, I thought that the final "i" in Mingei was an exclamation mark. Without really thinking about where I was, or what sort of context I was in, I truly believed -- if briefly -- that it was an advertisement for some sort of big trashy musical that I would most certainly be wanting to attend. With a look of extreme amusement on my fat mug, I asked someone who was standing near the leaflets to hand me one. Then I realised what it said. The smart thing to do would have been to take the bloody thing and keep quiet, but instead, I blurted out, "Oh, wait, no, I thought it said something else." She looked at it and her eyes went POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP!

But that wasn't the worst of it. I skulked over to the other side of the room, where my mates were, and I confessed to just having committed a bit of a faux pas. One of the lads said, "Did you think it said 'minger'?" I corrected him, "No, I thought it said" -- the room went quiet -- "MINGE!"

Who let me in there, indeed.

 

[telford collier]

When Dalek played here a few years ago they had an asian/black turntablist who at the time was wearing a brown leather trenchcoat. As we were all saying goodbye, my mate, for no apparent reason said, (refering to the coat): 'Keep it brown man'. To which he replied: 'Ya man, keep it caucasian', in a not very jokey tone.....ouch

 

[thisgreg]

There was a group of goths who used to hang around near my house and they used to always sit around the same spot. I knew a few of them from school and i used to stop and say hi when I was passing. One day when i was passing they we're looking their usually mopey goth selves and i was in a happy go lucky mood, so being the funny man I said "Jeez, cheer up! who died?". Then they told me that a close friend of their's had actually died the night before. I still feel bad about that though i wasn't really to know.

I always get caught with the letting someone go first and then they block your path thing, once a woman ran to get on an escalator ahead of me and she just stood on it blocking the way, she walk slowly when we got off and the corridor at the top was too narrow to pass her, that drives me nuts.

 

[pad]

one day in edinburgh, having seen the film "kids" the night before i was recounting a certain scene to a friend. the scene involves a legless man of african american origin pushing himself down a subway atop a skateboard singing cheerily "i have no legs, i have no legs". now i found this to be rather drole and the next day proceeded to tell a pal of mine the story, but just as i got to the part where i told him what this character had said "i have no legs, i have no legs" then someone in a wheelchair passed by. now i found this to be terribly embarassing, but at the same time i could see the humor in it. and i was telling another pal what had just happened to me, and again just as i was getting to the part "i have no legs" another wheelchair bound individual passed by. the third time i began to tell the story i saw the last in the tripartie pass by and managed to stop the tale just in time. at that point i retired from storytelling.

 

[cyclotron]

About 2 months ago, I was running out the door for a train that HAD to catch and was going to miss if I didn't peg it down the road. At that precise moment, a funeral cortege pulls arond the corner and up my street. There was a pretty good chance I might have known of the person who died. I just about outran the hearse at the front of it in order to get to the station in time.

 

[snap-apple]

Similar to one above there, a lab technician on my course in college was in a band and looking for a new bassist and me trying to be flippant said 'so where'd you bury the last guy?' Yep, the old bassist had actually died recently... *cringe*

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

A chugger once told me to get a life.

 

[Wheels]

Who was it off here who was working in a late night coffee shop in the States and issued the immortal phrase "right lads, have yis no homes to be going to" to a bunch of homeless dudes?

Ha ha ha! It was Eoghan Kidney. God I'll never forget that one.

 

[Ciarán R]

When Dalek played here a few years ago they had an asian/black turntablist who at the time was wearing a brown leather trenchcoat. As we were all saying goodbye, my mate, for no apparent reason said, (refering to the coat): 'Keep it brown man'. To which he replied: 'Ya man, keep it caucasian', in a not very jokey tone.....ouch

was that c o's?

 

[Wheels]

I was walking through Temple Bar when I was about 15 or 16. There was a girl doing some chalk drawings on the ground coming up ahead of me. It was quite a windy day, and I noticed a black plastic bag that was sliding towards her drawings. I decided it would be nice of me to kick the bag away in case it wrecked her work. So I gave it a good hoof as I walked by. As I continued on I heard her say 'thanks' in a rather sarcastic tone, and so I stopped and looked back. I watched as she and a friendly passer by picked up all of her chalks and put them back in her bag that I had just gleefully horsed up into the air.

I was so mortified that I nipped in Borderline records and hid there until I could go back outside.

 

[Break Neck Speed]

I was in a resteraunt in amsterdam 2 years ago. I pulled out my wallet to pay for my dinner and a card for wendys escort services fell out on the counter. All the staff starting sniggering at me. I told them that I only had the cards to bring back to the lads for a laugh. Honest. They didnt believe me.

 

[dudley]

jeremy clarkson had one in the paper yesterday.
apparently your man hammond was meant to be in touch with him the night of his crash, but didn't call, obviously.
clarkson texted something along the lines of "as you haven't called i shall assume you've been killed"
he said he was *morto* when he found out.
redner.

 

[hermie]

haha redner.

i used to work in telesales for my sins and we had an automatic dialler (ie calls would come in without you having to do anything).once i was chatting to my mate about a documentary on the sex trade in thailand.we started making light of it, as you do and he suddenly comes out with "YOU WANT AN ASIAN PROSTITUTE, I'LL GET YOU AN ASIAN PROSTITUTE. I COULD GET YOU ONE IN 5 MINUTES!" only to realise he was screaming down the phone to Mr McGrane from Booterstown