Flat Sharing In The Ninth Circle Of Hell? (1 Viewer)

Mitchum

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2007
Messages
2,760
Location
Praha 7
Female Wanted for probably the best flatshare in London (‡BP450 pcm)
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Thursday 1st November
Date available: 26/11
Sadly our lovely flatmate Celeste has decided to move out of our wonderfully located flat based in Shoreditch on the corner of Colombia rd and Virginia rd (at the end of the bagel shop end of Brick lane). We are looking for another GIRL to move in and keep the balance of testosterone + oestrogen stable.....are you her?
The flat is on the first floor of a three story residential block and has its own balcony, a great size kitchen, bathroom, toilet and a big living room with a sofa bed for guests, brand new ikea sofas, wireless internet router, and our newest addition - Gertrude the pot plant.
We are a very close bunch and all socialise and hang out together regularly at the likes of Catch, George and Dragon or if we're feeling frisky, Boombox, Trailer Trash and maybe the odd warehouse party. We are all lovers of a good party but during the week we are all working professionals who enjoy our sleep so minimal parties happen (instead we may have friends round for dinner) then and noise is kept to a minimum. We all have a great group of friends that all live in the area and it would be nice if the girl that moves in could come with another group of friends for us to meet.
The flatmates you'd be moving in with are:

Dag 27/m Norweigen who works in travel/ecommerce. Horribly cool but doesn't react well to loosing his hat. Penchant for Rose wine and debauched behavior who lives on Pizza and crumpets.

Alex 24/m who can be defined and remembered by his hair alone. Rarely seen out of skinny jeans Alex is a lover of fine wine electro and using long words.

Helen 27/f who is one of Londons best make-up artists who recently worked at Londons Fashion rocks making up the D+G models. Helen is originally from Billericay and wears retro clothes better than most

YOU 24-30/f who works in Media/Fashion/Music who loves music, eating out and playing at the weekends - must have a horrible sense of humour and be somewhat opinionated in the same way as we are. Fashion sense is important beyond your wildest expectations
PLEASE DO NOT reply saying about how you enjoy the odd glass of wine cinema and music as literally EVERYONE says the same. We want someone to live with us that is individual who can sharpen us all - so make your reply interesting and use it as a fair representation of yourself! Please include your myspace and/or facebook page so that we can see what kind of a person you are and if you would be good looking enough to live with us HA!
The room will be free from 3rd November - (the 26th as the latest available date) and the rent including all bills (council tax, water,electric,phone,internet) is ‡BP420.00 which is amazing for the area and the flat itself even as the room itself is not very big at all - The landlord is fantastic too and gives you complete free reign to decorate your room if you so desire. Although the flat itself is not palatial, it has a great atmosphere and its location cannot be beaten - i personally work in Covent Garden and can walk there in 45mins. There are 243,55 that take you to central London and the likes of Camden and Angel are all within 20 mins door to door.The flat is 10 mins walk to Liverpool St and 7 mins to Old Street tube
I really wouldn't live anywhere else in London!
APPLY NOW as this room will go very very quickly - Please do not get offended if we do not reply but we are looking for someone very particular.
 
How does one "loose" a hat? It is some kind of sentient / demonically posessed hat which may be released to work its nefarious will upon its surroundings?
 
We need a Fourth for Our Coke Borg (‡BP450 pcm)
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Thursday 1st November
Date available: 26/11
Sadly our lovely flatmate Celeste has decided to stop using coke so we're kicking her out of our amazing flat (at the end of the bagel shop end of Brick lane, because we love ethnic things which is why we continue to vote to curb immigration -- we only want the best! Like in our flat!). We are looking for another GIRL to move in and keep the balance of testosterone + oestrogen stable.....NO FAT CHICKS, OKAY?

The flat is going to rock your socks, crush your soul, and make you wish you'd worked a bit harder on your A-level art portfolio so you'd have something you could, you know, really BRING TO THE TABLE. We love to watch Christopher Morris programmes on telly, but don't tell us you don't believe in television because we are so OVER that and everyone knows we all keep a Heat between the pages of our LRBs! You must be fluent in Hegel and Heat and supply us with a steady supply of good Peruvian shit as well as have a good hookup to some MDMA because that BITCH CELESTE won't pass on her contacts like a good girl, which is why we totally fucked up her Facebook page, which her boss sees because she's on the company network. And fuck that bitch, that's just not right. You will be our new best friend, which is exactly why you can't be fat or ugly or work for some sort of fucking NGO unless you are like Brangelina's ethnic fashion consultant, or something else that will bring us one step closer to being revered Holy Moly Moles. You will speak when spoken to, and no, that does not mean backtalk.


The flatmates you'd be moving in with are:

Dag 27/m Prick.

Alex 24/m Tosser.

Helen 27/f Cunt.

YOU 24-30/f who works in Media/Fashion/Music who loves music, eating out and playing at the weekends - must be pretty but not prettier than us, or better than us in any way, although if you are, you won't be for long, since we will cut you down like an old, dead maxidress in a minidress world. PLEASE DO NOT reply saying you like stuff that we like because literally you could not know how fucking cool we are, so just shut up and hook us up with some fucking gak already, and if you move in, maybe -- just maybe -- we'll let you look at the emails of all the losers who thought they were good enough, and then you'll be able to gossip with us a little and spam their facebook pages with Goatse videos.

Please do not get offended if we do not reply but we are looking for someone very particular and it is not our fault you are fucking fat, you disgusting swine.

I'm so in there.
 
Alex has emailed us to say

The mystery of Dag's hat is one that will muddle along for many years.
It is a shame that the ad has been taken so very seriously as it was written purely as a joke to see the amount of responses we would get from the very same Shoreditch types that bug everyone so much.
Unfortunately on this occasion this has been lost on a number of people and taken literally and given them an excuse to vent which has had some really very amusing outcomes that have kept me occupied throughout today!
Anyway.....if his hat shows up i will be sure to let you know
Al

http://www.popbitch.com/npob.html
 
Considering where his head is, I don't think that'd take very long. It's probably turned into a diamond by now anyway.

Speaking of diamonds....Hey everyone! Did you SEE MY RING?

Sorry. As you were.

Name: Jane

Favourite Film: Diamonds are Forever, Blood Diamond ( but not so much)

Favourite Singer: Jim Diamond, Neil Diamond,

Favorite Actor: The Rock

Favourite Song: Diamonds are a girls' best friend

and so on

etc etc
 

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