CV MUST HAVE PHRASES (1 Viewer)

[sweetoblivion]

i reckon sweetoblivion can type faster than she speaks.

I can type about 80+ words a minute, but I do make some little mistakes....I can type faster than I speak alright!!

 

[minka]

as someone who has read a lot of other people's cvs (er, for jobs, like, not just because i'm nosy), buzzwords make me cry. ditto, mission statements, lists of vague strengths with no examples of where they were demonstrated ("man, that person says they're good at teamwork! i'd better hire them!"), etc.

basically, i want to know do you have relevant experience/skills/attitude for the job and everything else is just kludge that i have to plough through to get to the useful information. my favouritest cvs are the very short well-written ones.

other people's mileage may vary, obv., and it possibly depends on the job - the job i've interviewed people for involves serious written communication skills, so if your cv isn't concise and clear...

 

[Froog]

probably made up but funny nonetheless:


The following were taken from real resumes and cover letters.

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments .
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

 

[Froog]

ha ha just found this aswell:

Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

* His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
* I would not breed from this officer.
* He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
* He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
* This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
* This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
* Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
* She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
* He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
* This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

 

[minka]

10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

i've had that one! not quite the same wording, but someone who claimed they were a perfectionist and had a giant typo in the first line of their cv.

*sighs*

 

[carbide]

i've had that one! not quite the same wording, but someone who claimed they were a perfectionist and had a giant typo in the first line of their cv.

*sighs*

i don't know that perfectionism implies achieving perfection so much as a fixation on nothing being good enough unless it's perfect, but, erm, since that generally translates into procrastinating up a storm while marinating in self-loathing, i wouldn't be rushing to put it on a cv either.

(speaking as a perfectionist responsible for all manner of substandard shite and unfortunate typos.)

 

[Raudi Raus Schinkel]

stick your input in
your output out
co-ordinate your strategy
and shake it all about

 

[minka]

i don't know that perfectionism implies achieving perfection so much as a fixation on nothing being good enough unless it's perfect, but, erm, since that generally translates into procrastinating up a storm while marinating in self-loathing, i wouldn't be rushing to put it on a cv either.

true (and i have a tendency towards that sort of perfectionism meself), but i think the (meaningless) cv version is *supposed* to say "i am unbelievably conscientious and will not do a slapdash job on anything".

did i mention the cv was also eight pages long? i nearly lost the will to live.

 

[carbide]

true (and i have a tendency towards that sort of perfectionism meself), but i think the (meaningless) cv version is *supposed* to say "i am unbelievably conscientious and will not do a slapdash job on anything".

did i mention the cv was also eight pages long? i nearly lost the will to live.

totally, and that sounds kind of scarring.

i'm working on my cv at the moment and am so convinced it's going to get laughed out of everywhere i send it that it's kind of stuck at the conceptual stage. got the information and images all ready, but i'll be damned if i can let myself put them together. LOVE ME. (please?)

 

[KokaneeCowgirl]

65wpm would be pretty good alright. I lied about how fast I could type to some recruitment agency wan when I was looking for work a few years ago. Had no idea what was a good speed and told her I could type 90 words a minute.

I can type 78wpm - was tested at my last visit to a recruitment agent's three weeks ago. Made me realise I should probably get a life.

 

[Lili Marlene]