Bored In Work 118 (1 Viewer)

[Zeelander]

interesting stuff that takes you in all directions - no long passages so handy for browsing

I hate long passages, me. That's why I skipped this whole page.

Edit: THAT whole page. Put my post on a new page will ya!

 

[THRILLHO]

PETE

Ever get that free ipod?

 

[Zeelander]

PETE

Ever get that free ipod?

Your penguins... So cool... Am green with envy >>>

 

[guy of the tiger]

he didn't get Laptop

and then he claimed that they did infact have hard outer shells
but I say that they are hard all over, saying it has a hard outer shell inmplies it's soft on the inside
stupid computer

questions twenty

 

[guy of the tiger]

Not only did she get what she deserved, she told us all she had a spastic colon, which might be something many of us would think twice about sharing with our co-workers. It was fucking awesome, and I was really glad she told us.

Spastic colon? What are they symptoms?

 

[broken arm]

he didn't get Laptop

and then he claimed that they did infact have hard outer shells
but I say that they are hard all over, saying it has a hard outer shell inmplies it's soft on the inside
stupid computer

well it got lampshade and lemon for me in 20 questions.

you get out what you put in i.e. dodgy reply bear dodgy answers

 

[guy of the tiger]

nah, I get out what other people put in.


I'm right, everyone else is wrong

well it got lampshade and lemon for me in 20 questions.

you get out what you put in i.e. dodgy reply bear dodgy answers

 

[broken arm]

you're sane in a crazy world

 

[jane]

Spastic colon? What are they symptoms?

It's another name for colitis, I think. From what I understand, it's when you damage the lining of your colon, and alternate between constipation and explosive diarrhoea.

Again, not something I'd probably share with my workmates were I diagnosed with it.

But it was well-deserved. She was a spoilt, patronising, snooty little bitch whose aunt got her the job (which she was totally shit at, and took out on her underlings), and I was glad she had a sprayey bum bum.

Some people get their comeuppance. She got her comeoutance.

 

[Donkey OJ]

Spastic colon? What are they symptoms?

my boss has it. he's in his early 30s and is looking at a colostomy bag to relieve his hellish life. "constipation and bloody diarrhoea" is how he described it.

 

[jane]

my boss has it. he's in his early 30s and is looking at a colostomy bag to relieve his hellish life. "constipation and bloody diarrhoea" is how he described it.

Okay, now I feel kinda bad taking the....something out of it. That's really awful.

(Still think that little priss deserved it, though. I'm vindictive, I know, but she was a holy terror.)

 

[guy of the tiger]

jeez sounds horrible

colostomy bag at 30. thats not much fun.

I better eat up all my veggies from now on

 

[ms.b.haven]

Classic

The Footless Parrot !

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting
on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy Crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood
and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh Yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this--how do you
hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked...I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English can't you"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can
converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy,. I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion".

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't
afford that".

"Pssst," says the parrot, I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me cause I don't have any feet. You probably can get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and
the mailman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."

WHAT??? the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up
her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"Oh, No!," he exclaims, "Then what?" "Then he lifted up
the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over,
starting with her breasts and slowly going down..."

"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know...I got a boner and fell off my perch!"

 

[Donkey OJ]

Okay, now I feel kinda bad taking the....something out of it. That's really awful.

(Still think that little priss deserved it, though. I'm vindictive, I know, but she was a holy terror.)

i hadnt read the full thread. so please, no feeling bad my boss has colitis. me and my boss dont get on. i'm not offended.

 

[Donkey OJ]

weenie boners on parrots

 

[jane]

i hadnt read the full thread. so please, no feeling bad my boss has colitis. me and my boss dont get on. i'm not offended.

Ah, well, then the whole thing about people being struck down works, then.

Weirdly, the only other person who ever fired me from a job also fell victim to a horrible fate. Nothing to do with me. He was a crazy, crooked criminal restaurant owner who thought he was a gangster. I only worked for him for a summer, but I sprained my knee when I fell in the kitchen. I went to the hospital, and the people there found him out for not having any insurance.
Though he was a known criminal, who'd already torched another branch of his restaurant to collect the insurance he had on it, he never bought insurance for this place. He blamed me for getting him in trouble, found a reason to chase me out of the restaurant with a rolling pin, told the hospital he had no idea who I was, and tried to have me done for fraud. Collection agencies rang me up for years, threatening me.

Finally, my dad had a few words with him, and he backed off and paid the bills. Soon after, he ended up in a really bad car crash and was paralysed. My dad rang me up to tell me, and even he, a Man of God, was like, 'I know it's not very priest-like of me to say this, but some people get theirs.' Even more insane was that this guy was one of his parishoners! Nuts. Think he might be walking again, but I know he spent a few years in a wheelchair, probably being even more abusive to everyone.

 

[Bag'o'cans]

There's a mustard forum on boards.ie, THAt's mad!

 

[ms.b.haven]

it's brilliant isn't it, my colostomy bag burst with laughter

weenie boners on parrots

 

[nlgbbbblth]

There's a mustard forum on boards.ie, THAt's mad!

I know. busy board too

 

[sarah]

There's a mustard forum on boards.ie, THAt's mad!

Wow finally some like-minded people, see ye's all later suckers!