Wedding Thread (1 Viewer)

Because there are already loads of them. At least we can have one that can be dug up when necessary.

I just found out what it costs to have your makeup done on the day. INSANE. But thanks to the sage advice of Krystal, I'm probably going to get a trial and face chart from the BT Bobbi Brown counter, and then buy a load of stuff and do it myself. I'm actually in the market for a new makeup routine anyway (which I realised when I found my eyebrow pencil is finally worn down to a stub that makes it difficult to use, and you can see through to the bottom of my blusher compact). It won't be cheap, but at least it will mean I end up with a load of makeup I can keep on using.

Some places charge a boatload for a makeup trial (since when is it okay to CHARGE a potential customer money to see if they want to hire you?) and then six times that for coming out on the day. What a racket! Can I start charging people to read my writing samples? No? Wait! But what if they LEARN SOMETHING FOR FREE?! Mr Jane says I should just do it anyway, but considering the fact that I actually cried with guilt after spending crazy money on shoes, I don't think I'd ever get my head right with 300 quid for someone to put some lipstick on me.

Still need to find someone for hair, but I think I will. My hairdresser (who doesn't do wedding hair) is on the case. The woman he usually refers people to is away, but I trust his judgement because he's been doing my hair for years and wouldn't send me to someone crappy. Apparently, you're meant to book these people like 6 months in advance or something. WHA?

A question I have, though, is about presents for other people. We need to buy for the following people:

* Mammies
* flower girl and pageboy
* Best man and maid of honour
* Daddy (just because)
* Aunties who have given us loads of money toward the wedding.

Two of the three aunties who've put up loads of dosh are coming to it (one can't make it), and we want to have something nice at their hotels for their arrival. I don't want something standard like flowers, chocolate or wine, and I was thinking of spa treatments, but that's a bit cheesy, too.

Dunno what to get the rest of them, either. When I was a bridesmaid, we were given really pretty silver jewellery boxes engraved with our initials, but we're lucky in that our gifts can be a bit more individual because we don't have a big wedding party.

Also, what do we give the kids? They are awesome kids who really appreciate the meaning of presents and are no-nonsense. A thoughtful, long-term type gift would not be lost on them. You should see 'em. We took them to get their wedding clothes yesterday and you'd weep with glee if you saw the wee boy in his suit. Chuffed with himself, he was. It was difficult to notice the suit, being eclipsed by his massive 'amn't I adorable?' grin. And the girl, spinning around in her little flower girl dress, delighted. BLESS! Man, that was just so much fun.

can you give a ballpark figure on what this is costing you all in?

I read an article in the guardian that said the average UK wedding is costing over £16000 (€ 21,424.10)

they had 3 examples of weddings where 1 costed about 500 quid, one the average and one that was over 150,000.....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2005/jun/18/planningyourwedding.gifts

PS: I also just found out that my very favouritest cousin is coming over like 10 days early. Poor Mr Jane is like, "So I should just get all my talking in before the 23rd, eh?" And I'm like, "Yeah, and your point is?"

I realised yesterday that the last time the dress I'm wearing was worn, she was in the wedding. She and her sis were my ma and da's flower girls.

I don't have pics of them on the day, but me ma took some shaky photos of her wedding album.

But this is me ma in the dress. She was way skinnier than me, which isn't tough. I'm a porker, and have to have bits of fabric inserted into the shoulders so I don't burst the seams:

my mam's wedding dress must only be about a size 6..she was flippin tiny...
me and cpr were flower girls for my aunt when i was about 4..it was deadly..i can only imagine this feeling will increase exponentially when i actually get married

oh and jane that dress is fab..

broken arm said:

can you give a ballpark figure on what this is costing you all in?

I read an article in the guardian that said the average UK wedding is costing over £16000 (€ 21,424.10)

they had 3 examples of weddings where 1 costed about 500 quid, one the average and one that was over 150,000.....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2005/jun/18/planningyourwedding.gifts

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I think it depends what it includes. The main expense is the luncheon, which, in typical Irish business style, is MORE per head than it would be if things were ordered individually, and is a disgusting practice. There's this thing where if they know you're having a wedding, you're offered a 'package', a concept which implies that you're getting a deal, but it's actually the normal price, plus a service charge, plus a huge price hike as a wedding premium. The average Irish wedding is probably 25-30k, which is crazy.

Including luncheon, church expenses, the pre-lunch drinks reception, the free bar for the luncheon guests (Americans consider a cash bar tacky, so we're compromising by having a tab between the end of the lunch and the beginning of the reception), the munchies for the evening reception, it's probably going to be around six or seven grand. Add in wedding clothes -- Mr Jane's suit, my shoes, dress alterations, a vintage evening coat I bought, that's probably 1000+ euro (we only spent money on things we'd actually wear again), plus the cost of staying somewhere for the weekend (we wanted something special, but also, people who are staying in our house would otherwise not be able to afford to come, so it was a way of helping without awkwardly trying to give them cash), plus invitations and postage, it's all going to work out around ten grand.

It's probably twice what I thought it would cost, to be honest, and I still feel like it's outrageously expensive, and that if we'd planned a bit better we would have been able to do it more cheaply. It's just that a lot of things really had to be done because of the number of people coming from abroad. For example, if it were just Irish people invited, then we would not have done a sit-down meal at all.

We're getting a lot of help with things, which we didn't expect, but which is really great, and eases a lot of financial worries we were having. The other thing is that the cost of hiring a venue and bringing in our own catering was more than a restaurant, and way more hassle. It might have been cheaper to pick a location out of the city centre, but that would cost our guests more, which we really didn't want.

The tradeoff we've made is to put energy into minimising costs for people who are coming, rather than making it cheap for us, but mean that everyone has to pay for a hotel or B&B or travel or whatever. Ultimately, it's ended up costing us more than we'd expected, but it means that most of our guests won't have to travel anywhere for the weekend or take time off work, and that a good few of our American guests only have to pay for a plane ticket instead of ticket+hotel+always eating out, which has meant the difference between 'yes, I can come', and 'sorry, I just can't swing it' for most of those concerned.

A wedding in a country hotel can cost around a grand per couple to ATTEND, so even though it might cost the couple 25k, and they'll feel chuffed they spent only the average, it'll mean up to a hundred grand was shelled out by their guests. We really didn't want that because it's vile. And while the idea of a 'country hotel' wedding might be nice for some, being asked to spend 500 quid for two nights in a conveyor belt hotel, plus travel expenses, plus a gift, plus getting dolled up, etc, I think it's a lot to ask of people.

I think -- beyond trying to justify spending as much as we have, and I'm sure people will be judgemental as they always are -- when people calculate what their weddings cost, they don't take into account what their 'cheap' wedding cost other people to attend. Also, weddings where you have two nationalities involved are a bit of a minefield.

muffin said:

my mam's wedding dress must only be about a size 6..she was flippin tiny...
me and cpr were flower girls for my aunt when i was about 4..it was deadly..i can only imagine this feeling will increase exponentially when i actually get married

oh and jane that dress is fab..

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Yeah, my mom's dress is an old US 6, which is basically like a small 8 or a big 6 in modern Irish sizing. I like to think it's because I'm taller (the dress is slightly shorter on me than it was on me ma) but it's probably my fat ass and huge bellyflab and back fat that are hiking up the skirt part.

My auntie couldn't find the veil, but my uncle thinks he may have tracked it down. I kinda would like it, since I priced veils during the week and they're crazy expensive and nowhere near as nice. It was kinda fun to be showing the dress to people and they're like, "OMG, I can't believe it!" Now that I've looked around a bit, I see what they mean -- it's double-layer corded cotton lace, which you just can't get anymore.

Any chance of a poll on who reads Jane's posts? I'm not trying to say you talk shit Jane, but they're really fucking long. I Bet you're the type who wrecked teacher's/lecturer's heads by far exceeding your word limit. In your defence, it is about a wedding, so I suppose you are affirming that gender stereotype .

By the way, I'm sure admitting how much the thing cost is going to come back to haunt me. Like, people are probably absolutely disgusted with me and lose what little respect any of them may have once had for me.

I'm a bit disgusted, to be honest. I feel so guilty about not being more creative about saving money and being greener or paying more for other people to come that I'm not sleeping very well lately.

maims bond said:

Any chance of a poll on who reads Jane's posts? I'm not trying to say you talk shit Jane, but they're really fucking long. I Bet you're the type who wrecked teacher's/lecturer's heads by far exceeding your word limit. In your defence, it is about a wedding, so I suppose you are affirming that gender stereotype .

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Thanks. That makes me feel really nice. Any particular reason you wanted to have a dig at me?

A poll on who reads my posts? Why don't you just not read the thread, instead of asking others to back you up on my fucking utter worthlessness? If you need validation that I'm a piece of shit, I'm sure you'll find whatever you need.

A poll? Fucking hell. That's just mean.

jane said:

By the way, I'm sure admitting how much the thing cost is going to come back to haunt me. Like, people are probably absolutely disgusted with me and lose what little respect any of them may have once had for me.

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fuck them.It's no one elses business but yrs and mr. jane's how much or how ye are celebrating yr nuptuals..and although i enjoy reading about it and i'm sure others do to, its most definitely not anyones place to be judging you for your decisions for such a personal event..

I like the wedding dress Jane, it is beautiful, very elegant.When me and muffin were flower girls our aunt gave us beautiful silver bracelets to commerate the event and gave her bridesmaids lovely pendants. I'm pretty sure everyone still has theirs 21 years after the event!

cpr said:

I like the wedding dress Jane, it is beautiful, very elegant.When me and muffin were flower girls our aunt gave us beautiful silver bracelets to commerate the event and gave her bridesmaids lovely pendants. I'm pretty sure everyone still has theirs 21 years after the event!

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That's a great idea! Maybe a charm bracelet? Oooh, thanks for the deadly idea.

We have a cheeky idea of giving the pageboy cufflinks. Basically, he's kind of into clothes and he says, "I do love my shirts" and he's a seriously snappy dresser. Like, he's the only 6-year old I know who'd be psyched to get his very own cufflinks. He rules. He's Mr Jane's godson, but sometimes I wonder if he's actually his clone.

jane said:

Thanks. That makes me feel really nice. Any particular reason you wanted to have a dig at me?

A poll on who reads my posts? Why don't you just not read the thread, instead of asking others to back you up on my fucking utter worthlessness? If you need validation that I'm a piece of shit, I'm sure you'll find whatever you need.

A poll? Fucking hell. That's just mean.

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Oh come on, it was a joke. I even erred on the side of caution and slipped in the winking emoticon at the end. Maybe you should head over to the January blues thread for some therapy?

jane said:

That's a great idea! Maybe a charm bracelet? Oooh, thanks for the deadly idea.

We have a cheeky idea of giving the pageboy cufflinks. Basically, he's kind of into clothes and he says, "I do love my shirts" and he's a seriously snappy dresser. Like, he's the only 6-year old I know who'd be psyched to get his very own cufflinks. He rules. He's Mr Jane's godson, but sometimes I wonder if he's actually his clone.

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Waterford crystal are doing a beautiful range of jewellery at the minute, I got one of their charm bracelets for christmas from Mr cPr. The designs are very simple and beautiful. They only stock them in BT at the minute

http://www.waterford.ie/products/product_list.asp?collectionId=49&sortBy=&page=2&search=

cpr said:

Waterford crystal are doing a beautiful range of jewellery at the minute, I got one of their charm bracelets for christmas from Mr cPr. The designs are very simple and beautiful. They only stock them in BT at the minute

http://www.waterford.ie/products/product_list.asp?collectionId=49&sortBy=&page=2&search=

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Oh, cool, thanks! Maybe we'll get nice pendants for the mammies.

The aunties are a bit of a conundrum. Like, they've done so much for us that we've no fricking clue how to come up with something that acknowledges it.

I'll put my thinking cap on for you Jane re:the aunties but I'm sure something will just hit you for them and it will be perfect!

Thanks, cpr!

I hope so. And anyway, my cousin who is coming early is the daughter of one of the aunties, so she might have some idea as well.

muffin said:

fuck them.It's no one elses business but yrs and mr. jane's how much or how ye are celebrating yr nuptuals..and although i enjoy reading about it and i'm sure others do to, its most definitely not anyones place to be judging you for your decisions for such a personal event..

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Ah, I know, it's just that I feel really embarrassed about that kind of spending, even though we're not going overboard at all. People spend so much, partly out of family guilt trips and other people's expectations, and it just seems crazy how much even we are spending. I think people should admit what they spend, though.

Too maybe people pay over the odds for stuff just because it's a wedding, and don't demand these costs be justified, or they pay it because they think other people did.

They just go, "Oh, well, it's once in a lifetime!" and the 'wedding premiums' are driven up even further. It's not until recently that I got a glimpse of why it is some of these people end up paying the money anyway -- they're so busy dealing with the weird dramas that spring up around a wedding that haggling over a hundred quid takes just that bit of extra energy they don't have.

Pricing structures for weddings are all about what a business or individual can get away with, and have absolutely nothing to do with quality of product or service. It's absolutely vile. I'm pleased we're getting around it, but the weird thing is, we're having pretty much all the same *things* (apart from flowers) that other weddings have, and it's costing a lot less. We're lucky that the restaurant we're having it in doesn't usually do weddings, so they're being as good to us as they can be. We're just being charged the 'large group premium' for most stuff, and it's still a ridiculous amount of money.

Jane- my sister in law bought us bridesmaids beautiful plain silver things for around our necks. They were like those old schoolers necklaces that I can't remember the name of but there'd be pictures of them in history books. Like Bangles only round your neck. Sorry. But they were amazing anyway and I really wasn't expecting a gift from her at all.

I'm sure that whatever you get your aunts, they'll be really happy and humbled by. Best of luck with it, I know it's important to acknowledge when someone does something awesome for you.

Btw, you're deadly, your posts are deadly. You're excited about your wedding, and fuck anyone who tries to rain on your ever so exciting parade.

Edit: TORCS!

Like this:

Actually torcs might be cool for the mammies or aunties because they have historical/archaeological relevance to Ireland, without being cheesy paddywhackery.

I just don't know how to get over the bloody guilt. It's the designer shoes that put me over the edge. In all else I was sensible and restrained, and I feel like I betrayed myself buying shoes that cost so much money, and paying full price, and then wobbling around in them, freaking out, while on the news, the world was in a particularly bad mess.

ANYROADS, do any of the married people on here know if you're absolutely required to have 'wedding favours'? They seem to be an American thing more than anything else, but how common are they here?