The War of the Stupids (1 Viewer)

[jane]

I was looking for stuff and found the Advertising standards authority website, which is my new favourite thing to read. It's like Jordan vs Jodie Marsh except even pettier.

The Bagel Factory v The Bagel Bar

Who's the fastest-growing Irish bagel chain!? Eh, tough guy? Eh?

I am!

No, I am!

http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=413&BID=18

Complaint
Advertisement The advertisement referred to the Bagel Factory as being “Ireland’s fastest growing choice of bagel outlets with over 32 outlets throughout Ireland” and this included outlets in Northern Ireland. The advertisement also included the claim to be “The best Bagel Business there is”.

Complaint: The complainants, the Bagel Bar said that while the advertising referred to 32 outlets the Bagel Bar in correspondence with ASAI had referred to 31 outlets. The complainants also said that there was no objective justification to substantiate the statement that the Bagel Factory is “The best bagel business there is”.

http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=414&BID=18

Complaint
Advertisement The advertisements referred to the Bagel Bar as being “The fastest growing, 100% Irish, bagel franchise company” and as “Ireland’s fastest growing bagel coffee franchise and it’s 100% Irish owned”.

Complaint: The complainants, the Bagel Factory, complained that the print advertisement was misleading since it referred to 18 stores but only listed 16. They also said that there was a claim to be the largest but that with 31 stores the Bagel Factory was the fastest growing bagel franchise company.

This is by far the funniest thing I've seen all month.

I fucking love this shit. The best ones are when people file complaints about a rival product being called 'the best', which is apparently akin to taking the lord's name in vain back when anyone gave a jesus fuck about that sort of thing.

What's amazing is that whoever wins is actually deemed stupidest. Like someone who didn't know that the [excised for obvious reasons] concert at [excised for obvious reasons] was outdoors, despite the fact that there were posters saying to dress for inclement weather.

Oh, here, wait, here's an ad agency attacking another ad agency:

http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=396&BID=17

The ASAI is like a really tired teacher trying to settle a million disputes a day between a shitload of delinquent infants with ADHD when what these people really need is a kick in the anus. There are a lot of legit complaints (especially to do with Ryanair), but seriously, this is the funniest thing ever. I don't need tabloids anymore.

 

[Ferox13]

The Bagel Factory need to get thier product endorced by Jodie Marsh and The Bagel Bar could use Jordan in their adverts.

To be honest Jane its a serious issue. If i wanted to know what the fastest-growing Irish bagel chain was, i'd expect answers not this confusion.

Pretty much the same situation happend in 1th century Europe when there was 2 people claiming to be pope.

Anyway my money is on John XXIII and The Bagel Bar (the former as the legitimate resprentation of Christ on Earth and the later as Itrelands fastest-growing Irish bagel chain)...

 

[sludgegrinder]

holy fuck, i' can't get off that site...totally addictive

 

[coast to coast]

One of those is owned by Dermot Desmond, but I cannot remember which one. It was in that about Live Nation.

 

[Janer]

holy fuck, i' can't get off that site...totally addictive

Same here...
http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=383&BID=17
Was er interesting too.

 

[Janer]

Sky lose!
http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=398&BID=17

 

[Janer]

Oh -oh Feminist alert
http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=409&BID=18

 

[jane]

The Bagel Factory need to get thier product endorced by Jodie Marsh and The Bagel Bar could use Jordan in their adverts.

To be honest Jane its a serious issue. If i wanted to know what the fastest-growing Irish bagel chain was, i'd expect answers not this confusion.

Pretty much the same situation happend in 1th century Europe when there was 2 people claiming to be pope.

Anyway my money is on John XXIII and The Bagel Bar (the former as the legitimate resprentation of Christ on Earth and the later as Itrelands fastest-growing Irish bagel chain)...

You're right, I shouldn't make light of these things. Which of the Bagel places do you think is like the anti-popes of Avignon, and which is more like Rome? What about Jodie and Jordan? Which one in Avignon, and which perched beneath the Baldicchino in St Peter's, saying a benediction?

I wish I'd seen that site around election time, though.


"Product: Government
Advertiser: Ruling Party

Complainant quotes Fianna Fail's slogan 'a lot done, a lot more to do', and made reference to research that members of Fianna Fail are more likely than members of Fine Gael to disappear when it's their turn to make the tea. Complainant asserts that the first part of the slogan is misleading, and would indicate that Fianna Fail do 'anything more than sit on their fat holes helping Ireland's rural publicans get fatter', while Fine Gael work tirelessly for the benefit of the Plain People of Ireland, espcially Enda.'"

"Product: Government
Advertiser: Sissy non-ruling party

Complainant notes that Fine Gael's 'Fine Gael for a Better Ireland' is a total load of bullshit. Ireland is a great country, but the advertiser intimates that it could be 'better', when we're all totally loaded and happy, just like in 1920s America when everyone was rich and nothing bad or scary came of it. Complainant demands that advertiser rescind this slogan because Ireland is a great country of greatness except for foreigns and the national soccer team who are shite and the telly which is mostly shite since Gaybo left, and that every molecule of Ireland's greatness is totally down to Fianna Fail who rule ok. Complainant then added 'Please pass the solid gold champagne, kthx.''"

Something something something.

Also, the UK one is pretty good (http://www.asa.org.uk/asa), but for some reason, the Irish one is fucking shitloads funnier.

 

[Lili Marlene]

They're actually friends behind the scenes, it's all just media hype to push up their record sales.

record BREAKING sales

 

[jane]

They're actually friends behind the scenes, it's all just media hype to push up their record sales.

record BREAKING sales

I'm half tempted to write in a complaint about their use of the word 'bagel'. I've never had, nor even seen any evidence related to the existence of anything even resmbling a 'bagel' in Ireland. What these places sell is just overpriced round bread. I doubt they even boil the fucking things! And if they do, they're leaving out whatever important part of hte process makes a bagel a bagel. And a bagel is not just round bread. It's DELICIOUS and chewy on the inside, crusty on the outside (not burned, but crusty in a way that only a bagel can be).

You know what? If Ireland had fucking properly accepted some decent Jews during and after WWII, we wouldn't be in this mess, two fake bagel places arguing over who gets to say they are the best or the fastest growing, because no fake bagel place would be able to keep so much as a single fucking shop open.

GODDAMMIT.

RECLAIM THE BAGEL.

Problem is, though, if I complained about the both of them, it might unite them against me, and I can't fight 32 plus 18 shops, so I'll just sit here and SUFFER IN TOTAL FUCKING SILENCE.

Silence, I tell you.

Silently developing a time machine to go back and bring some proper delis into this country because I need some knishes and some half-sour pickles. And a bagel should cost 25 cents, not three euro. You can't spell 'deli' without the first part of the word 'delicious'.

 

[shower another shower]

GODDAMMIT.

RECLAIM THE BAGEL.

Here here! I've never ever even seen lox and shmeer in Ireland! Whats a bagel without lox and shmeer!

 

[shower another shower]

A decent gherkin, ffs!

 

[jane]

This is what I'm saying!

I don't like lox, but I want to be able to say "Onion and schmear" and not get a funny look. Or ask for my bagel with a schmear and some raspberry/strawberry jam and no one thinks I'm disgusting.

Seriously, you'd think someone would have copped on about bagels here and done it proper, instead of like some weird gourmet shit. It'd be like opening a chip shop and charging a tenner for a tiny fistful of oven chips. Not only not the real thing, but about a zillion times the price.

The problem is you can't just get a recipe for bagels and make them from that. you have to learn the technique from someone who knows. We had a place in the town I used to live in that spoiled me for bagels forever. OH GOD, I can still taste them. They did a sunflower bagel that would make you weep. They had a few of these newfangled flavours, but mostly they were old school.

PS: half-sour pickles. OH GOD. Did you ever go to that place in lower Manhattan, not far from Battery PArk, where there's that pickle vendor who's been there for like 95 years? Just big barrels of pickled everything out on the sidewalk, not even a shop to go into. But lordy, lordy. YUM YUM.

 

[Space]

what are lox and schmeer?

 

[shower another shower]

what are lox and schmeer?

Simply speaking, as a gentile, salmon and cream cheese.

 

[CitySickness]

Here, lads, don't be schmearing the dublin jews:
http://www.bretzel.ie/

 

[jane]

Here, lads, don't be schmearing the dublin jews:
http://www.bretzel.ie/

Dude, go on ya good ting, ya Bretzel.

Funny story about the Bretzel. Back in the day, at least one Irish Nazi used to send a messenger boy to get his bread from there because while he couldn't be seen buying Jew-Bread, it was the only decent stuff around. Maybe it wasn't even the Bretzel, but I seem to remember it was.

Bagel Factory and Bagel Bar can wee off with their round bread shit. And the charging of 2.20 for a FAKE bagel with a bit of butter (which is probably fucking yellowpack margarine anyway) is a CRIME. Bring back the gibbet.

 

[Scientician 0.8]

Well Ireland is the only country in the world where "deli" means a hot counter with six varieties of roasted brown shite.

 

[Ferox13]

LOL - I was at a Job interview yesterday and ended up in The Bagel factory.

it wasn't bad. And i was thinking of this thread.

 

[magicbastarder]

http://www.asai.ie/complaint_view.asp?CID=328&BID=14