Send in the U.N. Observers and Jimmy Carter!! (1 Viewer)

[admin]

November 11, 2000

To: Secretary General of the United Nations, Koffi Anan
From: Michael Moore, citizen

Dear Mr. Secretary General:

Help us! Massive election fraud is taking place in an area that looks like a banana republic -- but is actually part of the United States of America! We are sitting here helpless as our leaders appear unable to do anything about this stolen election.

On behalf of freedom-loving people everywhere, I appeal to the world community and the United Nations for immediate intervention.

There is ample evidence to indicate that the votes of thousands of our citizens were not counted or, worse, were given to a man who has a sister named "Bay." Further evidence also shows that hundreds of African American voters were simply not allowed to vote.

I ask that you appoint humanitarian ambassador/carpenter Jimmy Carter to head up an official United Nations team of election observers from Rwanda, Brunei, Bosnia and South Africa and send them to this state we call "Florida." They are desperately needed to oversee the re-count, the hand-count and any other forms of counting being conducted by people who apparently can count.

Remember that guy Milosevic in Yugoslavia trying to claim victory when he got the least number of votes? He would love Florida! Next to watching greyhound dogs run in circles, election fraud is South Florida's favorite pastime (I am enclosing, for your observer team, copies of the Miami Herald series on voter fraud which won the 1999 Pulitzer Prize).

It appears on the surface that lame graphic design is at the root of this ballot problem, especially in Palm Beach County where Jewish votes were given to a man who always has a nice word to say about the Third Reich.

But even more telling is the situation in the Daytona Beach area. In that county, the Socialist Workers Party candidate, James Harris, received a whopping 9,888 votes. When your observers arrive, they will discover that the socialist revolution in Daytona Beach is running a distant third to drunken college spring breaks and NASCAR racing. In fact, you will be hard-pressed to find a single Bolshevik in Daytona Beach, let alone a decent cappuccino.

What CBS News discovered is that these 9,888 votes in Daytona Beach for the socialist Mr. Harris represented more than HALF of his ENTIRE 19,310 votes nationwide! Some might see this as a communist plot; election officials in Florida have tried to pass it off as a "computer glitch." I call it fuzzy math.

You should know that the ruler of this disputed region of our country is the brother of the presidential candidate who is benefiting from these shenanigans, George W. Bush. He is already beginning to function as the "President-Elect," even though he got fewer votes in the country than his opponent, Al Gore! The networks had reported that Gore won the state of Florida, but after the one Bush (the candidate) made a call to the other Bush (the governor of Florida), suddenly the Bush running for president was ahead.

This must sound very familiar to you. I know you have had to deal with "the relatives" before in places like Indonesia and The Congo, and, hey, who can blame them? Everyone wants to see family members do well. But in this case, the self-declared "President-Elect" is also the son of the former President who was dethroned by Gore and his running mate 8 years ago. Does any of this make sense? Would it help to know that the father of the "President-Elect" was also the head of the CIA? Just so you know what you are getting into.

If you look at the map of the U.S., Florida is the section that seems like it is about to drop off into the sea. It is a backwater area whose climate and topography -- swamps, mosquitoes, unbearable humidity, reptiles everywhere -- resembles much of the Third World. It is truly a scary place -- ask any German tourist! It is the easiest state in which to buy guns in the United States. Prisoners are executed without the sort of due process you get in other parts of the world. According to your own U.N. report, more children are immunized in Jamaica than in Florida, and a baby has a better chance of living to see its first birthday if it is born in Cuba than in Miami. Most of us just go there to get warm in the winter -- and, for many, Arizona is looking better and better these days.

Please, Mr. Anan, you have to get here right away. The self-declared "President-Elect" is trying to stop the counting of the ballots. He knows what these ballots will reveal. His propaganda ministers have been lying to the American people for days now, saying things like "this kind of ballot is used everywhere, including in Chicago for Jesse Jackson's son!" Our esteemed journalist, Ted Koppel, held up the Chicago ballot last night on TV to show that it looks NOTHING like the Florida ballot. He told the American people they were being snookered by the Bush people.

Mr. Secretary General, you are already at the U.N. in New York! Flights from NYC to Miami leave every 15 minutes! Mr. Carter is in the state right next to Florida! Stop by, pick him up, and tell him he may need at least his hammer, if not his nails.

If the state of Florida refuses to admit your international team of election observers, I implore the Security Council to impose economic sanctions against this place which calls itself "the Sunshine State." The rest of us in America can no longer tolerate their rogue operations. Please remember this is the same state which earlier this year turned kidnapping into a legal sport when they refused to return a little Cuban boy to his father. We had to put up with that circus for nearly eight months.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. If this kind of thievery were happening in any other part of the world, we would have bombed the crap out of it by now. I am hoping for a peaceful resolution to this crisis and for the self-declared "President-Elect" to be returned to his box seat in Arlington, Texas.

I know you are the man to save us.

Yours,

Michael Moore

http://www.theawfultruth.com/
http://www.michaelmoore.com/
[email protected]

P.S. Please note. This is not a partisan request on my part. I did not vote for Al Gore. In fact, I am currently in hiding, fearful for my safety, having voted for Ralph Nader. I am now being hunted down by liberals who, for the first time in years, have finally found something to get angry about. Any assistance your people can give ME for safe passage back to Michigan will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Keeror]

I believe the Cuban foreign minister has offered to head a team of independent observers to oversee the recount.

Arf! Arf! Arf!

Who watches the watchmen? (I wish I could remember the Latin version of that phrase).

But whoever wins, Star Wars 2 (Son of Star Wars) will go ahead, violating test-ban and non-proliferation of nuclear weapons treaties. The Chinese have promised to increase their nuclear arsenal should this project go ahead. The Russians have sworn they will cease their decommissioning of nukes.
And don't think we won't be caught in the cross fire - two RAF bases in Britain will be the site of part of the SOSW radar frontline, and hence a first strike target in the event of anyone getting itchy on that big red button marked "DOOM".

Arf! Arf! Arf!

Life's a gas, eh?

 

[gary sulphate]

Oh, won't someone think of the children?

But seriously (well, half-seriously), Michael Moore has written another letter, bless 'im. And here it is.

the presidency -- just another perk
by Michael Moore ([email protected]) - November 14, 2000


Dear Governor and President-in-Waiting Bush:

This has to be the first time in our history that a candidate who is losing BOTH the popular vote AND the electoral vote insists on being anointed President of the United States. I can understand why you expect this title to be yours. You have spent your entire life having everything handed to you. You have never had to earn your place. Money and name alone have opened every door for you. Without effort or hard work or intelligence or ingenuity, you have been bequeathed with a life of privilege.
You learned at an early age that, in America, all someone like you has to do is show up. You found yourself admitted to a wealthy New England boarding school simply because your name was Bush. You did not have to EARN your place there. It was bought for you.
You then learned you could get into Yale with a "C" average. Other, more deserving, students who had worked hard for 12 years to earn their place at Yale were denied admittance. You got in because your name was Bush.
You got into Harvard the same way. After screwing off during your four years at Yale -- and maintaining your "C" average -- you
took someone's else's seat at Harvard, a seat that they had EARNED.
You then pretended to serve a full stint in the Texas Air National Guard. But one day, according to the Boston Globe, you just skipped out and didn't report back for a year and a half to your unit. You didn't have to earn your military record because your name was Bush.
After a number of "lost years" that don't appear in your official biography, you were given job after job by your daddy and other
family members -- jobs you didn't have to earn. No matter how many of your business ventures failed, there was always another
one waiting to be handed to you. Finally, you got to be a partner in a ball team -- another gift -- even though you put up only 1/100 of the money for the team. And then you convinced the taxpayers of Arlington, Texas, to give you another perk -- a brand-new
multi-million dollar stadium.

So it is no wonder to me why you think you deserve to be named President. You've haven't earned it or won it -- therefore it must be yours!
And you see nothing wrong with this.

Why should you? It is the only life you have ever known.

I will never forget the footage of you sitting in your governor's mansion the night of the election when it was first declared that Gore had won Florida. Surrounded by poppy and mommy, and on the phone to your brother the governor of Florida, you were a
picture of calm. You had not a worry in the world. You toldd the press that your brother had assured you Florida was yours. If a
Bush said it was so, it was so.

But it ain't so. And when it dawned on you that the Presidency had to be earned and won by a vote of the people -- yes, the people! -- you went berserk. You sent in hatchet man James Baker ("F--- the Jews, they don't vote for us anyway" was his advice to Poppy in '92) to tell lies to the American people and stoke the nation's fears. When that didn't work, you went to federal court and sued to stop the votes from being counted because you knew how the vote would turn out.

What kills me is how you have turned to the big, bad, federal government for help! Was not your mantra, during every campaign stop, the following line:

"My opponent trusts the federal government. I TRUST YOU, THE PEOPLE!"

So now we learn the truth. You don't trust the people at all. You went running to the FEDERAL court to get your handout ("Trust
the machines, not the people," you pleaded). But the judge didn't buy it, and for perhaps the first time in your life, someone said "no" to you.

What will you do now? According to the New York Times, 90% of your campaign funds came from just 775 American millionaires. Oh, that they could bail you out of this mess! I wouldn't count on them -- it's not like they have suffered financially under Clinton/Gore. They know they will do just fine with the Kissin' Fool. I think, my friend, you are on your own.

Mr. Bush, your only hope is that Gore will wimp out and throw in the towel. There is ample evidence of how Democrats love to
cave. You and your right-wing friends know the Democrats are weak-kneed and spineless. You remember how Al Gore and all the Democrats voted to put that anti-abortion zealot Scalia on the Supreme Court -- and how 11 Democrats made the difference in placing Clarence Thomas there, too?

That's your ticket. Spook Gore and his party into believing a focus group is mad at them, take a phony poll that backs that up, get the gasbag pundits to yammer and hammer him and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the latest plumb prize that is not yours to have.

Yours,

Michael Moore


Thing about Michael Moore is that it's often difficult to seperate agreement with what he says from annoyance at his penchant for simple-minded self-publicity. BTW, a good site for stuff about Gush and Bore you don't hear in the news is this:
http://www.realchange.org/

admirably malicious.