Letter from Iraq (1 Viewer)

[Unicron]

I copied this off another forum that I frequent. Interesting shit.

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Vacation in Kuwait is like...I don't know, taking spring break in Jeuno, AK. It's nice to lay down and sleep for 6 hours, but you're still about as far away from where you want to be as possible.

I was able to spend about 40 minutes on the phone with my family earlier, my father tells me that everything is going great at home. He gave me the election results, which I'd heard but refused to believe. I guess the "homeland" really is as dim-witted as the rest of the world thinks. Supposedly there's some big recall fiasco in Washington state, which is great for reasons that I can't really even figure out. I just think it's great.

Media here is like fucking cocaine. There is just no way of knowing anything unless someone gets lucky enough to be allowed a phone call or a letter. We didn't know who'd won the presidency until almost Thanksgiving. We used to get, ugh, the fucking Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh shows in October but then we went into the field on like, the 15th or something and didn't hear shit until we came home to Commando.

According to my father Falluja (however the fuck you spell that dump) was a big deal on the news and everyone was pretty freaked out about it. I don't think I'm allowed to say much, but there wasn't any turkey or stuffing there.

It sucks, I really want to like, write a decent account of what's been happening but I'm not sure I'm really allowed. I don't know the rules specifically about keeping a journal or whatever.

I guess I can just stick to internal things that aren't location or action specific. I just don't want to break any rules or get fucked up.

This place fucking blows, I think I'm allowed that much at least. The people for the most part stare at you like they'd love to be eating your flesh and making blankets out of your cammies. Fucking kids walk around with guns that seem bigger than my M16 b/c the people holding them are so fucking tiny. The adults are just...I don't know, not scary, but your head is always screaming alarm bells saying "That motherfucker is going to shoot at me". The women are no different, especially if there are kids around. Everyone just really seems to hate us here. I've yet to see anyone happy to see us, and I can't really blame them. We come in, we circle the city, we blow it to shit, then go house to house getting anyone the artillery and grenades might have missed. It feels like a really good intentioned WTC that happens every day.

I feel bad alot of the time but really I just gotta do my job. Feeling is sort of useless when it's not going to get me out of here or make these people feel any better. I just hope we take care of this all and ten years from now they can look back and realize that whatever our reasoning, we were honestly trying to do some fucking good for this backward ass fucked up shithole.

I thank god I got my Stumpy with me. This boy's been with me since MCRD where we became real brothers putting up with that shit. He saves us all from eating a round, I swear to god. When Gavriel got shot, it wasn't two hours before he had us laughing again "because really, he wasn't any good looking to begin with". I don't know how he keeps this kind of bizarre motivation, but he does, and I and many others would be nothing without him. I swear to God is something happens to him I'll go truly insane.

I think my generation was never meant to be in this shit. There's too much desire to run out there spraying and hit restart if something goes wrong. I'm fucked up from Solid Snake and GTA I think. Maybe that ugly cunt Tipper Gore was right.

I guess I should go, it took me almost an hour to write this which seems very weird. Normally I spit thoughts quick quick, maybe I'm just out of practice of writing anything.

Stf Sgt says I'm going to get a chance to send emails tomorrow maybe, so I'll type this shit up and see if the firewall will let me post or email or something.

To whomever reads this, much much love and all that piss. If you're religious or whatever keep the prayers coming, this place is fucking crazy.

Hope yall had a happy thanksgiving. I know I did, Turkey MRE's = well, they taste as bad as all the others, so whatever.

Peace bitches.

-L Cpl Joshua Cross 041130

 

[Unicron]

Part 2a:

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It's almost 1200 Dec 3rd and Stumps and I just got done hitting golfballs over the wall here at Commando. Captain Klokow swears we're gay for each other we're so inseperable. Stumps explained, "No captain, we spend our days back to back, not front to back." Pretty fucking funny. We've got two days left to lay around in the bright sun, but freezing cold, and I intend to be as lazy as possible throughout.

We got a huge ass package from Marine Moms after morning chow. Inside...was the most heavenly fucking thing ever, king size Snickers and Milky Way bars among other things. A stack of newspapers about the election and Faluja and a bunch of pictures of totally random things, like the Golden Gate Bridge and the Statue of Liberty. I guess the intention was to motivate us with the spirit of home, but fuck that, I was down for some Snickers. Stumpy and I went around the back of the "chow hall" (it's really just a metal pre-fab shed) and while smoking cigarettes, developed monster hard-ons and almsot jizzed ourselves to the taste of half melted Snickers chocolate. I think hearing the two of us back there grunting and sighing "oooooh my god, it's soooooooo gooooooooooooood" did nothing to assuage Capt's fears, haha.

Seriously though, after seeing some of the women in Iraq, Stumps and I are considering it, now if we could just get some alone time, LOL. For every ugly toofless bitch I see in the street it makes it harder to feel bad for these guys fighting to the their deaths. They have absolutely nothing to live for except their religion and hate. For them, having sex must be a bigger chore than it is for my parents, and that's really saying something I think.

I keep trying to brush it off, but I'm getting closer and closer to saying something about people questioning my motivations.

So last night was drunk movie night. We watched the last Matrix, which was shit, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which fucking ruled as usual. Oh and we were all trashed, even Keith, who is an Oklahoma religious nut was fucking wasted. It had been so long since I had drank that I wasn't even sure how to do it anymore. Then I remembered the secret, combat knife goes in the bottom edge of the can, that way no bubbles when you chug. It's kinda the same idea as a carburetor. I want to get b ack to San Diego so I can get my brick wall alchohol resistance back. Four beers should not fuck me up to the point of almost puking, it's just not right. Killers aren't supposed to puke on anything less than a keg, it's like I'm sayin.

Speaking of "it's like I'm sayin" we're so desperate for media here that we're constantly quizzing each other over every piece of useless info we know. I am the master, these pfc's and lc's are but my bitches. Maybe it's that I'm the second oldest here, or that I spent most of my life in front of a television, but it seems like there is no quote I do not know. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue", duh Airplane. "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning" fucking Apoc Now. "Attica! Attica" Dog Day Afternoon. These kids try me, and it just doesn't work. The only stuff I've missed so far has been really weird modern shit that's all the rage I guess with the teenage crowd. Shit like Spongebob and Gundam Wing that I just can't get into. Well, I guess I couldn't get into, obviously at the current time I can't get into much of anything.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

 

[Unicron]

Part 2b:

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I was going to try to write a little bit about what actually goes on over here, not the shit you read in the papers. I've found that even the embed's are mostly full of bullshit, reporting alot of tame stuff by comparison. That's a good thing though, taking an embed into a house would just be a huge handicap. Sure they've had some training, but they're holding a camera, not a fucking weapon, get out of my life ass. Everyone here has a partner, some that's purely a working relationship, some, like myself and Stumps are so fucking tight that we don't even have to signal, we can see what the other knows in their face. Having your back isn't just a saying, it's the truth. He has his back to mine so that either one of us can see a full 360 degrees. The Marine Corps literally does have eyes in the back of it's head. Having some embed there would fuck up so much of that basic trust. I feel bad for any unit stuck with one of those pompous dicks. Stumps actually talked to one of these guys when we were getting ready to head north in October. The guy asked him "So how does it feel to be getting ready for combat?" Stumps, ever the gentlemen turned around and said "It fucking feels like fucking heaven ass, I can't fucking wait to fucking get fucking shot. Now use that tape dick." While we both thought it was the funniest thing in the world, Capt wasn't so pleased. I guess we're supposed to keep the act that shit isn't so bad and this is like a fun field trip for twenty-somethings. Tired of smoking pot and having sex in college? Come to Iraq! The food is shit but my god will you leave with a great tan! Haha.

Ok I'm going a little nuts obviously. I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore. I think I just missed afternoon chow, damnit.

Morale at this point is good. Our unit left that place that you've heard about with only two casualties and I think about 12-14 wounded, which was pretty amazing I thought. There was alot, ALOT of crazy ass shit going on up there. It kinda makes you face reality when you're running across explosive vests and vats of homemade napalm every third house down the street. Shooting doesn't seem so bad anymore when your realize, these fucks will gladly die just to hurt you. So what's the problem in killing them? Hell you're doing them and you a fucking favor. It really makes no sense. Most of these guys are normal people that are just fighting, they're not top-lvl terror dudes. They're dumbfucks that happen to have a gun and a Korran in their house. If they'd put the weapon down and come out of the house we'd probably ask them some questions, they'd spend a couple days in jail, and be right back home with a new US-check to get them going again. Instead they get all cracked out and start thinking they're Rambo or something and start firing at Bradley's and shit. It's amazing. I mean, hello, you're one fucking dude, even a houseful of dudes, and you want to fight a fucking Bradley?! Mmmmk, yeah, you're the grizzled war veterans we've all been warned about. Mujahadeen my ass, you guys are fucking apes with AK's. It's nice though, the slags always fire first, so the boys from Army infantry always know which house to blow the fuck up before we come along and shoot anything still moving. Thank you you fucking morons, you always make it so easy.

One of the things I never had a real appreciation for is just fucking rocking the US military's air support is. It's fucking crazy. We'll be standing a block from a building, up against a wall or whatever checking it out through scopes and see ppl taking positions inside. Stf Sgt James points a box at it the size of a garage door opener and five minutes later a fucking bomb drops through the roof. It's like, holy shit, they must think we're fucking gods or something. We call down fire from heaven and then rush in spraying bullets like mad all covered in armor with wires and antenna and shit coming out of us like robots. These guys got serious balls I say, it's hard not to have a little respect for them. CENSORED (WARNING FROM MODS: YOU'RE A GAYLORD), but it's also hard not treat them like they're dirt underneat my boot either. But know that I do sometimes think about their lives and motivations before realizing that it doesn't really matter, this fuck would still kill himself in the hopes of hurting me or Stump.

Anyway, I need to wrap this up. This will be my last letter until whenever we get another break which I'm doubting will be for quite some time. I think the only reason we got this one so soon was that our trip north was about as high-stress as it can fucking get.

Before I started writing I was reading FT and 411 and was really happy to see people actually care. I mean, really what are these posts except trolling for love basically? Begging for some attention and support makes me feel like a jackass, but after reading the comments it did honestly make me feel better. I showed some to a couple guys and they felt the same, it's always nice to hear good words and getting paper mail here is a little impossible b/c we move so much. Email and web forums seem to be the way to go over the next 6-8 months or however long we're all trapped here. Anyway so I'm buzzing around FT when I notice I'm in the little header thing, which made me feel mighty cool. Then I come to a thread in Conflict Res titled "What an Asshole".

I'm not going to get to much into it, b/c really some of the questions brought up in the thread were fair. I've been against this war since before it started and against Bush since the day he was appointed to office. I can't argue that. I wouldn't argue that, because it's still true. I'm still against this war and I'm still against Bush. I'm in a situation that I completely invited myself into, I understand better than any of you ever fucking could. I asked to be here. I signed a billion papers got my balls felt up by doctors and got gut punched by drill instructors so I could be here. I quit what, for me anyways, was a hell of a lot of money a year job to come here. There were multiple reasons.

First, the Bush thing is kind of stupid. Everyone on the planet works for someone they hate, who they think is a fool, it's no different than that. Second, one of my best friends in life, Spc. Jeremiah Schmunk of the Washington State National Guard knew he was coming here. He joined in the hopes of getting out of the drug scene or whatever. I will be the first to tell you that the military saves you from nothing, I know that now. By the way, Jeremiah's dead, he took a round to the face in June, I was lucky enough to get time out of MCI to go to the funeral in Warden. Boy was I lucky. The third is purely selfish, I saw my life draining away slowly. I knew someday I'd turn around and be 50 and still working for Washington Mutual and still hating it and being too old to do anything different.

So I chose this. Which, admittedly, was fucking stupid. I mean REALLY fucking stupid. But having a brother and a long line of family men in the Marine Corps made the decision. I had shit to prove to everyone I knew, and as I started in basic I realized more importantly I had quite a bit to prove to myself. I'd heard for so so long that I was a weak and powerless piece of shit. I started to believe it. Ask Seth, he's seen a pic, I was a weak and powerless piece of shit. So the USMC and going to Iraq seemed to solve all of these issues, at least somewhat. I think, at the time, it also had alot to do with my girlfriend. You're girlfriend of four years dumps your ass and is fucking a guy two days later and getting the shit beat out of you by a monster in a campaign cover starts to seem like a good idea.

And yeah, I say I'm trapped here, and it sounds like whining or whatever. I think we all feel this way. No amount of evaluation of our beliefs and our reasoning is every going to make being here seem like it's ok. It's never going to take away shit we've seen and done, over and over and over and over and over and over afuckingain. Not a single person ever joined a war to kill, like me, they had a million reasons, none of them involving shooting or getting shot at. So yeah, we're all trapped here, and it fucking sucks for all of us.

Bah, I promised myself I wouldn't get all pissed off. Stumpy's searching for extra electral tape, I've a feeling I should go and prevent something misguided and tragic.

I don't plan on getting back on this computer, or really any computer for a couple months. Sunday afternoon we head back into Iraq and I don't expect to be in a position of contact for awhile. Christmas maybe, but I don't see why they'd treat Christmas any differently than Thanksgiving, just another day slowly grinding by.

I'm sorry if this letter made absolutely no sense, I kept getting distracted by these asses around me. Just know that, whatever overall tone I took, things really are ok, I'm just a little stressed and tired, despite the sleep lately. Everythings going ok and I don't regret a single decision I've made thus far.

See you all sometime in '05.

Peace bitches

-L Cpl Joshua Cross 041203