cv bluffing (1 Viewer)

[Johnnyc]

It's tragic/funny when you see a cv coming from someone who obviously deep down doesn't want to get the job they're applying for. I once saw a cv applying for a sales job, where the dude in question went to great length to discuss his drawing skills and manga influences. Even spoke about his manga collection. In a cv. For a sales job. Let it go man, it's not going to happen.

I also knew a lad in college (in his late 30's at the time) who was simply unable to get a job, so had taken to making up incredible stuff on his cv. He would claim to be an expert in certain fields when he didn't even have a novice level of knowledge. Last I heard, he got a job in one of the fields he claimed to be a legend in and was sacked a few days later. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one. The look on the face of the boss when this supposed genius on huge money was in fact, a complete and utter moron.

 

[flashback]

I got a job as (among other things) a Linux systems administrator in NYC. My CV was ok with this.
The sad fact of the matter was, the sum total of my linux experience was I had seen it switched on. A couple of times. And that was more or less it.

Next thing I knew was, "this is the server, here is root access, make sure everything is backed up, hack proof, secure, and running 24/7. Later."

I was also a Perl programer. In fairness, I had looked at a Perl book... one time... on the train home from Maynooth. It looked grand... more or less, on the train.
"Now here's a few thousand lines of code to maintain in your spare time."

Riiiiiiight... I'll ehhh... I'll get right on that.

 

[Doctor Muscles]

i said i was the touch the hutch world champion 1994 on one CV

There's a newer version of this called 'hit the deck'. You need decking for it though.

 

[magicbastarder]

i saw a CV years ago, which claimed under 'software skills', that the applicant had "lots of experience using software suites such as pegasus mail and netscape navigator".

 

[mark]

I worked on Mosney Holiday Centre as a cleaner over the summer I turned 15 (i lied about my age). I worked the 6am to 1pm shift 6 days a week, wednesdays of. I was paid £1.85/hour and as I lived on the campus is a shitty little chalet they took £20 out of my weekly paycheck for rent. I used to clear a cosy £55 for a 6 day week. anyway, the reason i kept this job on my CV for ages was my job title. My contract stipulated that management could not strike, so the title they gave me, the 15 year old cleaner?

ASSISTANT VENUE CONTROL MANAGER.

 

[theoootini]

My CV says I'm in the process of setting up a company. It's true and everything, its just that I've been in that process for a looooonng time now.

what you selling, endearingly buffonish witticisms?

 

[classic seanc]

No, they come free.

 

[theoootini]

No, they come free.

so what are you selling?
knock off sean connery memorabila?

 

[Diddles]

It's tragic/funny when you see a cv coming from someone who obviously deep down doesn't want to get the job they're applying for. I once saw a cv applying for a sales job, where the dude in question went to great length to discuss his drawing skills and manga influences. Even spoke about his manga collection. In a cv. For a sales job. Let it go man, it's not going to happen.

I also knew a lad in college (in his late 30's at the time) who was simply unable to get a job, so had taken to making up incredible stuff on his cv. He would claim to be an expert in certain fields when he didn't even have a novice level of knowledge. Last I heard, he got a job in one of the fields he claimed to be a legend in and was sacked a few days later. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one. The look on the face of the boss when this supposed genius on huge money was in fact, a complete and utter moron.

I went for a job with United Parcels once - really didn't want it so didn't bother researching the job. They asked me what colour their vans were and I said black. I didn't get it - Yay!

 

[classic seanc]

so what are you selling?
knock off sean connery memorabila?

It's top secret. I got involved because I thought "hey, that'll look good on a cv", and it does.

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

i know a guy from limerick who went to carlow on holidays with some of is friends in order to prove to themselves that it really existed.

 

[Squiggle]

i know a guy from limerick who went to carlow on holidays with some of is friends in order to prove to themselves that it really existed.

Hmmm... one of the better reasons I've hear of for going to Carlow.

 

[billygannon]

I used to only put my name on my CV. Prefixed with "The".

 

[avernus]

Cop. New York. January 1979 - December 1989.

Duties included: kicking down doors, high speed car chases, high speed
chases on foot, ambushing possible suspects and beating their faces, shooting
criminals in the back as they make their escape, getting involved in a yakuza
gang war, allowing my partner to be decapitated in front of me, get my violent
revenge in some rainy Japanese rice field, getting results.


Photo attached:

 

[egg_]

In my experience most prospective employers worth working for are more interested in what you want to do than what you've done in the past.

My experience is the opposite. Anyone who wants to talk about your hopes and dreams wants to commandeer them, rather than just paying you to do a job

Might be different if I made my living doing something I liked ...

 

[Buzzo]

I've been called back for a second interview for a job and I have to give a presentation displaying my 'training style and methods'. Poxy. You can't bluff that shit.

 

[ernesto]

I've been called back for a second interview for a job and I have to give a presentation displaying my 'training style and methods'. Poxy. You can't bluff that shit.

just do some push-ups. thats training enough surely? plus theyll be impressed

 

[Beanstalk]

I remember I was filling out an application form for an Engineering job in Guinness...it was pages long, pain in the hole...by the time I got half way through I was getting pissed off so for 'proud achievements' I mentioned...

a) "I once got up drunk in the students bar and played drums with some random band, even though I never played drums before" (which is true)

b) "filling out this form"


I sent it in anyway. No response suprisingly. I thought if you worked at Guinness you'd have a GSOH, what with being locked all day.

 

[avernus]

I remember I was filling out an application form for an Engineering job in Guinness...it was pages long, pain in the hole...by the time I got half way through I was getting pissed off so for 'proud achievements' I mentioned...

a) "I once got up drunk in the students bar and played drums with some random band, even though I never played drums before" (which is true)

b) "filling out this form"


I sent it in anyway. No response suprisingly. I thought if you worked at Guinness you'd have a GSOH, what with being locked all day.

yeah you'd think by telling anecdotes about being drunk and acting cool it'd go down a treat with Guinness. I mean - that's what they show in their ads. cool drunks. surfing. playing music. obviously it's all some bullshit to get people to buy their product. I hate being lied to with advertising.

 

[ernesto]

yeah you'd think by telling anecdotes about being drunk and acting cool it'd go down a treat with Guinness. I mean - that's what they show in their ads. cool drunks. surfing. playing music. obviously it's all some bullshit to get people to buy their product. I hate being lied to with advertising.

buy my product, it will make you feel better about the situation.
ever find anyone to play with yee?