Bored In Work Altern-8 (1 Viewer)

[Beanstalk]

You'd think that bees would cop on that if they sting someone they will die.

Or maybe the wasps egg them on by example, knowing full well the consequences.


Wasp humour is so black.

 

[Ed]

"Mike"'s idiocy makes me feel slightly less thick for my recent self inflicted food poisoning incident which is now a running joke within my extended family

 

[snakybus]

oh do tell

 

[minka]

at least "mike" didn't do what a male friend of mine did after a similar chili-in-eyes experience, which was to go for a wee.

apparently the scream was audible for miles around.

 

[herv]

Originally posted by Ed


That's quite possibly right, bees lose their stinger after one sting, which is kinda sad, except when one of the fuckers stings you behind the ear and manages to lay you up for 2 days.

ahar! a wasp story!

gedda load of this one.

on sunday before i went to lazybird i was a bit peckish so i got some potato wedges in phibsboro.

i was just finishing off the carton and i took out one of the last pieces and was just about to put it in my mouth and ...

dead wasp attached to the underside.

(and no hector, no i didn't eat it anyway, i brought it back and was assertive.)

 

[Ed]

Suppose i'd better, i open up the fridge one day fairly recently and there's some nice looking garlic and chive dip, it's got some big green chunks in it which i figure are supposed to be there. So i grap a bag of crisps and dig into the dip. I spend the next 2 days unable to leave my room on account of my vomiting every 5 minutes or so for the 2 days, even though my stomach shoulda been empty after about an hour of this. I was vomiting so violently at one point that blood vessles in my eve burst and my eye went blood red for two weeks afterwards.
It turns out that my mother had bought the dip then discovered that it had gone off so she left it in the firdge with the intention of bringing it back to the shop she got it in, a little warning note on it woulda been nice.
The worst bit is i had actually done a similar thing about a year ago with very similar results but a different food.

 

[The Chilli King]

Originally posted by minka
at least "mike" didn't do what a male friend of mine did after a similar chili-in-eyes experience, which was to go for a wee.

apparently the scream was audible for miles around.

Yeah, Chilli Willy is pretty rough going.

 

[old]

It made me feel ill, but this is a great thread.
More tales of illness, please.

 

[Ed]

Originally posted by old
It made me feel ill, but this is a great thread.
More tales of illness, please.

My best illness was when i went unconscious in my mothers car on the way to the hospital and the folks in the hospital thought i had meningitis and stuck a fucking huge needle in my back. A friend came to visit me while i was in hospital to tell me that a rumour went around school that i had died from a brain haemorrage. I didn't

 

[Speed Racer]

Originally posted by snakybus
I can top that.

Since yer all bored, here's a story about a thick bollix. Let's call him "Mike" to protect his identity.


He vigorously rubs them with his chili-oil-soaked hands. As I said, "Mike's" IQ is drifting towards negative figures. He's not very smart, like.

Screaming ensues, to be heard from South Circular Road to South Africa. Screaming and running around the house blind. And clocking heads into doors. And bashing legs off corners of tables. And running of nose. And searching for cold tap. And coughing and spitting. And burning, burning agony.

Ha ha ha ha ......that's hilarious!! Really reminds me of something Homer would do. Man, ha.....Mr.Mike must be fairly Dim.

 

[billygannon]

I remember hearing about a sous-chef who ate a load of unprepared food and managed to shit out his rectum....


I'll get me coat

 

[Dan]

Ate a slice of ham one day, tasted awful so I checked the date and it was well gone by the best before date. So in order to remove the rotten taste I grabbed a carton of milk and drank..guess what?? That was sour..loverly.

 

[herv]

after the wasp incident i went to the pub and got a pint. half way down the pint i realised the glass was manky.

someone has it in for me.

 

[coraline]

Originally posted by billygannon
I remember hearing about a sous-chef who ate a load of unprepared food and managed to shit out his rectum....


i used to work as a nurse's attendant in an old people's hospital and this happened to a little old lady. she didnt even notice. now for the most disgusting part - i had to put it back in !bog

i feel sick.

 

[boogie man]

That's pretty sick coraline.

By the way, as you may have some experience: Is it true that when old guys in nursing homes get erections (sponge baths and all that) the attending nurse whacks it with a spoon to cause it to subside? Just wondering.

 

[hop]

Originally posted by boogie man
That's pretty sick coraline.

By the way, as you may have some experience: Is it true that when old guys in nursing homes get erections (sponge baths and all that) the attending nurse whacks it with a spoon to cause it to subside? Just wondering.

isn't that where the coldspoon conspiracy got their name? no messin like

 

[Alex]

I'm bored...... terribly bored at work.

Fortunately time and again I receive some *gems* from my beloved customers, here's the last from Czeck Republic:

Dear Alessandro,

Thank you very much for it! I take your advices to my heart. We will more attentive next time.

Best regards and once again thank you!

Classic!

 

[coraline]

Originally posted by boogie man
That's pretty sick coraline.

By the way, as you may have some experience: Is it true that when old guys in nursing homes get erections (sponge baths and all that) the attending nurse whacks it with a spoon to cause it to subside? Just wondering.

this only happened me once in three years - most of them are no longer capable of having an erection, being all withered and shrunken - something to look forward to boys - and the man in question was really slimy and lechy. as far as i can remember i just pulled the sheets back up and left him there for someone else to deal with...

some of them were very funny, they'd be lying half paralysed in bed wearing nappies and being spoon fed their food and they would still flirt like mad with all the female staff
i was proposed to many times ...

 

[Ed]

man, i used to volunteer at an old folks home and i never got flirted with, i now feel ugly, thanks coraline.
although it may have had something to do with the fact that i spent more time racing wheelchairs than with the old folks

 

[nlgbbbblth]

Customer orders chicken breast burger. With mayonnaise.

Starts to eat chicken burger in dark on way home. Mayonnaise tastes a bit odd but they're drunk.

Cannot finish burger so chuck in kitchen bin. Goes to bed.

Violently ill next day. Bloody diarrhoea with simultaneous vomiting.

Doctor called. Wants to know what person last ate.

Says chicken burger. Doctor suggests that what's left of it be analysed.

RESULT: There was a tumour in the chicken breast. The mayonnaise was in fact pus from the tumour.


**reading Eric Schlosser's "Fast Food Nation" at the moment. Shocking stuff**