american english - it's funny (2 Viewers)

[Ex-User (250)]

he used to be called vader, but had to change his name so that luke and han wouldn't come after him and wreck his plans to take over the empire...

i use a vote nader t-shirt to rest my ride cymbal on because i can never remember to buy replacement felts.

 

[ostrichsyndrome]

i use a vote nader t-shirt to rest my ride cymbal on because i can never remember to buy replacement felts.

ah well, its practical. seeing as your in the states, you may as well try and get some contacts out there. maybe in you write and song and get in with the nader crowd they'll use it for the next campaign.

hope you miss the elections over there

 

[Ex-User (250)]

ah well, its practical. seeing as your in the states, you may as well try and get some contacts out there. maybe in you write and song and get in with the nader crowd they'll use it for the next campaign.

hope you miss the elections over there

i've already joined the nader street team. AND, i'm his french horn player's guitar tech. so there!!!

 

[ostrichsyndrome]

i've already joined the nader street team. AND, i'm his french horn player's guitar tech. so there!!!

so who blows the horn first, do you get it ready or does he play and then give it to you to fix.

nice one

 

[Ex-User (250)]

so who blows the horn first, do you get it ready or does he play and then give it to you to fix.

nice one

i'm his guitar tech. duh.

 

[jane]

here, you know about americans on the internet who show their bums, am i right or am i right?

There're what you say!? Heavens to betsy, my eyes are burning with these words. Bums should be heard and not seen, is what I always say.

And on Jesus' internet, even? My word.

 

[jane]

Hag, it's obvious you need to be saved.

Don't worry, while looking at internet bums is exit 76 on the highway to hell, you can turn back. Yes, folks, you can get to heaven from the internet:

http://www.fishthe.net/ot/heavenfrominternet.htm

 

[SadieOutlaw]

If you accepted Jesus Christ as your own personal Savior then you will want to do the following:

1. Admit you are a sinner.
2. Be willing to turn from sin (repent).
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried and rose from the dead.
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus into your life to become your personal Savior.

You can call one of these numbers and tell them what Jesus has done for you: 1-888-NEED-HIM or 1-888 JESUS 2000.

ok i did all this but i still have the rash, there's only one set of footprints in the sand after my walk and the 1888 number wont answer anymore.....what gives jesus?

 

[jane]

there's only one set of footprints in the sand after my walk

Dear Sadie,

That's because I can fly. I'd have carried you like it says in the poem, but, you know, there's that rash.

Love,
Jesus

 

[SadieOutlaw]

Dear Sadie,

That's because I can fly. I'd have carried you like it says in the poem, but, you know, there's that rash.

Love,
Jesus

dear jesus,

i understand why you don't want to touch my rash but that's kinda why i gave my credit card details to the lovely people at 1888-JESUS-2000, they said they were sure you'd be able to do something about it.
i know you're a busy son of god but as the rash and the credit card bills are growing i'm beginning to doubt your full commitment to being my personal savior.

a little less faithfully yours,
sadie

 

[jane]

dear jesus,

i understand why you don't want to touch my rash but that's kinda why i gave my credit card details to the lovely people at 1888-JESUS-2000, they said they were sure you'd be able to do something about it.
i know you're a busy son of god but as the rash and the credit card bills are growing i'm beginning to doubt your full commitment to being my personal savior.

a little less faithfully yours,
sadie

Dear Sadie,

On behalf of myself and the rest of the Holy Trinity, I offer my sincerest apologies for your suffering, which must be nearly unbearable. After all, I had a rash for your sins, didn't I? I mean, a horrible, itchy, inconvenient rash?

Oh, no, wait, that's not right. Oh, sorry, yeah, in case you forgot, I died on a bleedin' cross so you could go harlotting yourself around -- using, by the way, what is my father's goddamn temple -- and get yourself that embarrassing and unsightly rash. And of course, it's soooo much more unsightly than the incessant bleeding I've got out my hands, feet and belly. Ever try to get a girl to let you flick her bean when you're covered in your own plasma? Huh? Huh? Bet not.

And the belly, Me, the Christ. All the lads were like, "Whoa, Jesus that's a mad gash, can I stick my finger in it?" And I'm like, "No! Piss off! Don't you have some lepers to piss on?" And Thomas is like, "Hey, C'mon, Jesus, don't be such a bummer." And I'm like, "Oh, fuck you Thomas, you nasal-voiced little weasel. Get your own damn gash." And he's like, "Some 'Messiah' you are, I'm totally gonna go get down with some other The Christ and his crew." And I'm like, "Fucking hell, fine, just this once." And he's like, "Awesome. That's my man."

And there you are, all, "Wah wah wah, my rash, my credit card, my rash, itch itch itch." Yeah, okay lady, while you're at it, why don't you send me your Christmas list, too? Huh? Huh?

Is this not something you could have taken up with my Mother?

Some love,
Jesus

 

[SadieOutlaw]

dear jesus

i had no idea the other holy types picked on you, i was bullied in school and no girl has ever let me flick her bean so we totally have loads in common. if you ever want to hang out or something you should give me a call. i pressume you have my number?

here's hoping
sadie

ps i've attatched my christmas list to this letter, thanks for the help.

 

[ms.b.haven]

Dear Sadie/Jesus,

Give it up.

Kind Regards,
Lucifer

 

[Ex-User (250)]

hee hee hee, jane and saide this made me laugh hard.

 

[jane]

dear jesus

i had no idea the other holy types picked on you, i was bullied in school and no girl has ever let me flick her bean so we totally have loads in common. if you ever want to hang out or something you should give me a call. i pressume you have my number?

here's hoping
sadie

ps i've attatched my christmas list to this letter, thanks for the help.

Dear Sadie,

I'm glad you are sympathetic to my cause. If I had a ducat for every time those Romans gave me a wedgie, I certainly wouldn't have put so much emphasis on the whole 'noble but impoverished' thing. They even nailed that 'King of the Jews' thing on top of my cross, but that was nothing compared to the time they stole my tie-dyed Chevy Impala and crashed it into the foothills of Mount Ararat. That sucked.

Anyway, me da wants me to mow the lawn, and there are some whingers at the door, looking for dispensations, so I gotta go out there and be like, "Yeah, don't worry, the meek shall inherit the earth," and shit. It works on telemarketers, too.

Just so you know, I am also available for trade shows, state fairs, and product endorsement deals.

See you down the chimbley!

Love,
Jesus

 

[dubh in seattle]

allrietee then, aerent we talkin about americane eeenglish? Gosh sakes, I thaaught you eyerish were diffurent than those frenchie ingrates, except more layzee and drunk. Ya know if it wurnt for George Bush, yood all be talkin Ay-rab. All those brokers and bankers that got kilt by Sah-daam Hoosane and that Al Kiedah fella, they are heerose, eye'll tell yoo what. Eye'm gonna go have some freedum fries. BUh-byeeee.

 

[Tokey]

allrietee then, aerent we talkin about americane eeenglish? Gosh sakes, I thaaught you eyerish were diffurent than those frenchie ingrates, except more layzee and drunk. Ya know if it wurnt for George Bush, yood all be talkin Ay-rab. All those brokers and bankers that got kilt by Sah-daam Hoosane and that Al Kiedah fella, they are heerose, eye'll tell yoo what. Eye'm gonna go have some freedum fries. BUh-byeeee.

Alright Dubh

Long time no see, hope yer doing well man.

Mick