Widower of Music/Thumb Pianist (1 Viewer)

[Anne OMalley]

Thumb pianist available. Widower of Music from Nordmende College. Studied under Cage/Boulez/a rock. Will travel for price of bus fare/Pot Noodle sarnie. Also proficient on pink oboe.

Call: 1850-THUMBS-UP

 

[Latex lizzie]

Can you sight read?

 

[Anne OMalley]

What other type of reading is there?

Can you sight read?

 

[Latex lizzie]

braile?

 

[Anne OMalley]

I wonder could a blind pianist sight-read in braille?

Maybe if he used his nose...

Or if he got someone to whisper the notes into his ear?

I wonder is there a version of Twister for the blind...

braile?

 

[Latex lizzie]

Yes its called "twister" same but the coloured circles are different textured bumps.How we laugh at the institute.."someones bound to lose an eye etc"

 

[jane]

Yes its called "twister" same but the coloured circles are different textured bumps.How we laugh at the institute.."someones bound to lose an eye etc"

Dare I ask what the blue bump feels like?

No, no, I daren't.

 

[Latex lizzie]

..it feels like a battered wives meeting.After six.

 

[jane]

Battered wives, eh? Do they feel anything like battered sausages?

 

[Latex lizzie]

I haven't felt one yet. I'll go to a meeting and do some "research".

 

[jane]

I haven't felt one yet. I'll go to a meeting and do some "research".

You've never felt one? Jeebus, what kind of sausage party is this, then?

 

[Latex lizzie]

Just keep it out of the mashed potato and I'll have no need to call the police.

 

[jane]

I'll show you a Garda-sponsored mashed potato with a big sausage in it!





Whoops.





No, I won't.




Will a Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown County Council one do?

 

[Anne OMalley]

I haven't felt a battered wife but I have felt the pain of one. I managed this using specially modified neurological walkie-talkies and copper wire - a device I call The Empathoscope (TM).

The sensation was a mixture of anguish and intense suffering of the 6th degree (i.e. the kind that Jesus inflicted on himself when he was studying for his crucifixion).

It reminded me of when I was 11 and a TV-crazed priest flung me from a broadcasting tower. I landed on a damp towel and it hurt quite badly. You know what it feels like when you're cycling up a hill in a really low gear? Well imagine you're doing that and suddenly a suspension bridge collapses on your back. And then, as you're lying the ground, a chimp pokes you in the shoulder. Awful.

 

[jane]

Was he RC or CoI?

I am, of course, referring to the chimp. The poking styles vary greatly between the churches.

 

[Latex lizzie]

sounds a lot like the time I had complicated surgery on my dads caravan. You could hear the screams for minutes around.

 

[Latex lizzie]

I am, of course, referring to the chimp. The poking styles vary greatly between the churches.[/QUOTE]


I heard that there has been some unification of late on this no? with orangutan church of scientology being the "outsiders" Orange as they are.

 

[jane]

No, if you'd been reading the parish newsletters like I asked you to,you'd already know this was an elaborate hoax orchestrated by Fianna Fail backbenchers, and you'd have avoided this embarrassment. It reflects badly on all of us.

You know, Charlotte, you might have the 'voice' of an 'angel', but you have the bollocks of a belligerent organ player. I can't believe we went to all that trouble to raise money to get your pipes replaced.

"Wah, wah," you said, "They're all rusty and greasy and clad with unsightly brown! I waaaant new piiiiiipes!" Whinged she.

Bake sales, granny swaps, crane tumbles, raspberry crumbles: all this we did for thee (and ye organ). Years of it, remember?


And this? This is the thanks?

You read those parish newsletters now, or I'm telling.

 

[Anne OMalley]

This just in...

Some good news: the catholics are introducing a new type of priest that bends in the middle just like those long, concertina buses. These priests will be able to see round corners and pick up fallen wafers without bending their legs. Some of them will even be able to do a party piece where they walk backwards down a stairs like Regan in some versions of "The Exorcist".

You might think it's all a bit of a laugh but the Church is modernising - and I welcome it.

 

[jane]

Re: This just in...

No, that's great. Or, at least, it's a start.

Any chance of a bus that administers the sacraments?