near death experiences (2 Viewers)

[flashback]

I got hit by a car when i was seven.
I severed an artery in my groin and i split my balls open.

oh yeah. I got hit pretty hard by a car once. And a JCB. And two Volvos.
I cut an artery in my hand somehow too. Not as big as that one in your groin though, that;s a big one. Arterial blood is an amazing colour. Like Tarantino fake blood or something.
A girl I was with had that artery nicked during a keyhole heart operation. She was conscious, and she said she just saw a stripe of red across the ceiling, followed by dropping faces, followed by two people jumping on her to clamp it so hard she nearly came over the table.

 

[Scientician 0.8]

My appendix burst.
I took tablets and overdosed.
I had croup.
All before the age of three.

I was also hit by a car when I was 18.

 

[ernesto]

i nearly drowned in portugal.
dont go there.

 

[Space]

Got knocked out while upside down in a kayak on grade 4 rapid in Austria. Thankfully the freezing water brought me round pretty quickly and I tagged and got to the surface asap. One of the lads eventually bagged me but not before being somersaulted over a huge rock and taking most of the skin off my shins on various other pointy rocks.

 

[Reets]

My appendix burst.
I took tablets and overdosed.
I had croup.
All before the age of three.

I was also hit by a car when I was 18.

fuck, you were a busy kid!!

when i was 2, my mam gave me a fudge bar to shut me up while she was talking to a traveller selling something at the door, didn't quite work out as i choked on it, the guy had to put his hand right down to pull it out, still dont like fudge.
A swan tried to push me into a pond when i was 3, now anytime im around them they hiss at me. stupid birds, they're all satans whores.

 

[Jill Hives]

fuck, you were a busy kid!!

when i was 2, my mam gave me a fudge bar to shut me up while she was talking to a traveller selling something at the door, didn't quite work out as i choked on it, the guy had to put his hand right down to pull it out, still dont like fudge.
A swan tried to push me into a pond when i was 3, now anytime im around them they hiss at me. stupid birds, they're all satans whores.

The suicidal year three:

I put toothpaste all over my legs and took my oldest sister's razor and shaved. Needless to say, I was cut to bits and had toothpaste burning in them like all hell.

I liked the taste of baby aspirin (the orange flavour) and climbed the kitchen cabinets to the top shelf. I ate the whole bottle. Taken to hospital and they had to make me throw up. I still like them.

I loved the smell of bleach so much that I assumed it must taste good too. My mom caught me right before I drank a bottle. I still like the smell.

 

[David Kronenbourg]

i nearly stabbed someone to death. they survived though. does that count?

 

[GO]

i nearly stabbed someone to death. they survived though. does that count?

I was'nt gonna post this but I'm locked now and this is the point in the thread where it would work...

I was the subject of an attempted murder once.

One night when I lived in New York,I was walking home from the pub with my girl one night after being out on the piss with my friends parents and just outside our apartment building we were accosted by 3 dudes.
It was about 4 in the morning and frankly we were being a bit noisy,singing and laughing and shit.Anyway,one of the scobes kinda stroked my girls face and said he was gonna ride her.Well it went downhill from there.
I gave him a smack and grabbed my girlfriend and went to the door of our building and tried to enter but the lock was bogey and we could'nt get in.We were panicking it has to be said.
Next thing I know yer mans mate gave me the weekest punch ever in the stomach and then backed of.I was going spare like "what the fuck was that ya pussy" type of trash talk.
Lo and behold they ran off.I looked down and seen that I'd be stabbed in the gut.I lifted my t-shirt up(it was the height of summer)and blood started squirting out all over the camp.
Thats all I remember.

Turns out I was unconcious for 4 days and had to get a shiteload of pints of blood transfusions(7 I think).
The little fucker had actually done the old twist the knife in me and completely severed my intestines in 6 different places.Which was'nt great.

The story has some amusing details though.....

1.Did'nt have to work for almost a year.Which was awesome!
2.Made page 2 of The Mirror.
3.Did'nt have to pay the $50000 medical bill.
4.The doctors could'nt tell if they'd put me intestines back together in the right order (which would have meant some kinda bypass situation involving an external shite bag) cos its so complicated,so I was to keep them informed of anything stirring in the arse department.The joy of that first fart escaping my guts was one of the greatest moments of relief of my life.
5.I seen the error of my ways vis a vis vegetarianism(I was one for 10 years).When I woke up and was informed that I nearly died I quickly took stock and realised that I had no idea what a pork chop tasted like.Thats no way to live.
6.Morphine on tap is wild and amazing.


There are other aspects to this tale but I'd take too long.



This is a very morbid/cathartic thread.

 

[cmndr mind fuck]

luckily your mental health wasnt affected!

 

[GO]

Yeah PHEW!

 

[Denny Oubidoux]

this is exciting stuff! nothing like that for me. one time in school i was hiding from PE with two others in the equipment room jumping from one horse onto a trampoline and bouncing up onto another horse but i caught my foot on the edge of the 2nd horse and just managed to save myself from landing eye first on a load of metal spikey things but i split the arse of my trousers right across the middle and the others laughed at me.

 

[flashback]

jesus Gaz.

Fucking hell.

A similar thing happened to a mate of mine in Gardener Street. Also locked, also 3 lads with a knife.
Thing was he was a light heavyweight boxer / mixed martial arts lad who had been fighting down the local gym in Cabra since he was about 9. He battered the heads off them. But, scary stuff.

I got stabbed once too, in school. I didn;t feel anything. My mate told me, and I remember being a little pissed off that my check shirt was all bloody and torn. I was fine, but its mad, you dont actually feel anything, just a ;ight punch in the guts.

 

[GO]

I had to leave Queens and come back to Ireland because the the dudes that did it lived on my street and had me terrorised.

The bird was me fiance of 10 years and we split up when I got well again.

The strain was intense.

 

[GO]

For better or worse now I have no fear.

Except for DMT.That shite is rad.

 

[Anarcho Munk]

I fell 20 feet one time rock climbing. Hit the deck. Sorta like what whathisname flashback was on about except less intense and much more falling.

Got knocked out and came round 5 mins later, was all what the fuck is going on? I was completly high out of it, my arm was broken and pumping blood, big 3 inch cut on my head too. Was lucky my friends had their shit together, legged it off to hospital. was grand after that, 25 stitches in the arm, ten in the head.

funniest thing i remember about it tho is when i came round i cracked a joke to my friends "JAYSUS AHAHAHAH! I MUST HAVE LOST SOME AMOUNT O' BRAIN CELLS THERE HA???!?" and laughed.

 

[the departed]

okay i think gazzywaz has well won this thread..but all the same..

when i was a nipper i was messing around in a ditch down the park. it was basically a marshland but you had to traverse a 20/30 foot slope to get down it. it was just a mucky bank in most places but some slopes were way steeper than others.
anyways, we were lighting fires on the green beside the ditch, and someone stuck a can of lynx or something in and it went 'poof' so we all decided to leg it. as i was making my way down the bank, i slipped. i fell for a good few seconds but i was stopped pretty quickly....by a rusty barbwire fence pretty much wrapping itself around my neck. i was literally stopped dead in my tracks by the wire. i thought, hmmmm. that was a lucky escape, as it looked like there was a rusty barb to the left of my head and another one to my right.
so, i got up and scratched my head and went to rub my neck and realised i had a cut on my neck. yes, there was a barb in between the barb on my left and right, and it had stuck right into my neck. anyways i ended up nearly fainting and i went to the doctors and he said it was about half an inch away from my juggular vein. got a tetanus in me arse and a big impressive wrap for my neck.

 

[hugh]

Jill Hives, Flashback and Gazzy - 3 awesome near-death stories and all brilliantly told - my hat is off to ye.

 

[Corey]

When i was small i had a habit of carrying change around in my mouth. That is all.

 

[lympog]

I was'nt gonna post this but I'm locked now and this is the point in the thread where it would work...

I was the subject of an attempted murder once.

One night when I lived in New York,I was walking home from the pub with my girl one night after being out on the piss with my friends parents and just outside our apartment building we were accosted by 3 dudes.
It was about 4 in the morning and frankly we were being a bit noisy,singing and laughing and shit.Anyway,one of the scobes kinda stroked my girls face and said he was gonna ride her.Well it went downhill from there.
I gave him a smack and grabbed my girlfriend and went to the door of our building and tried to enter but the lock was bogey and we could'nt get in.We were panicking it has to be said.
Next thing I know yer mans mate gave me the weekest punch ever in the stomach and then backed of.I was going spare like "what the fuck was that ya pussy" type of trash talk.
Lo and behold they ran off.I looked down and seen that I'd be stabbed in the gut.I lifted my t-shirt up(it was the height of summer)and blood started squirting out all over the camp.
Thats all I remember.

Turns out I was unconcious for 4 days and had to get a shiteload of pints of blood transfusions(7 I think).
The little fucker had actually done the old twist the knife in me and completely severed my intestines in 6 different places.Which was'nt great.

The story has some amusing details though.....

1.Did'nt have to work for almost a year.Which was awesome!
2.Made page 2 of The Mirror.
3.Did'nt have to pay the $50000 medical bill.
4.The doctors could'nt tell if they'd put me intestines back together in the right order (which would have meant some kinda bypass situation involving an external shite bag) cos its so complicated,so I was to keep them informed of anything stirring in the arse department.The joy of that first fart escaping my guts was one of the greatest moments of relief of my life.
5.I seen the error of my ways vis a vis vegetarianism(I was one for 10 years).When I woke up and was informed that I nearly died I quickly took stock and realised that I had no idea what a pork chop tasted like.Thats no way to live.
6.Morphine on tap is wild and amazing.


There are other aspects to this tale but I'd take too long.



This is a very morbid/cathartic thread.

pictures??

i've nearly choked to death a number of times in the last 6 months
a viral infection in my throat has left permanent in my lungs that occasionally traps oxygen and stops me from breathing
the worst thing about it is that sometimes it gets me coughing very heavy which incites nasty vomiting - all goes a bit wrong though as nowt is going through my throat and start chocking on the vomit too
always seems to work out fine in the end though...

 

[GO]

I have the Newspaper clippings somewhere.And me mate took photos of me stomach in the hospital but I only saw one once and decided against looking at them ever again.Which is a decision I'm gonna stick with.Gnome Sain?