jokes? (1 Viewer)

[snakybus]

a woman goes to a doctor with sore boobs

sez the doc, on examination: "hmmm, I'm going to have to weigh them and then numb them"

the woman's a bit perplexed, but she figures he's a medical man, so she says okay

he grabs them and shouts "weeeeeeeeeeey!"

then he sticks his nose between them and goes "num num num num num"

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

it's so "waaaaaaaaaay!" you're totally losin it dude.

Originally posted by snakybus

he grabs them and shouts "weeeeeeeeeeey!"

 

[madouva]

What kind of bees give milk?











Boo-bees.

 

[thegoone]

old one off full metal jacket:


how do you stop 5 niggers from raping a girl?
throw them a basketball


(if there are any darkies on line dont take offence
feel free to tell whitey jokes. )

 

[herv]

Originally posted by thegoone



(if there are any darkies on line dont take offence
feel free to tell whitey jokes. )

you don't go under the name goone for nothing, do you?

i'm sure they'd be pretty offended to hear themselves being called darkies as well.

 

[thegoone]

yeah i like the old,
"no offence but your a dickhead" line

its usually met with a confused sort of look
similar to the one this yellow guy here has on his chops

then followed by
"hey thats offensive"

 

[Jim Daniels]

Shop "Jokes"...courtesy of Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

herv should join tycho brahe and then they should all do a cover of "don't stand so close to me". it's making me laugh... a hee hee hee.

 

[herv]

whats your buzz today hag?

 

[herv]

Originally posted by thegoone
yeah i like the old,
"no offence but your a dickhead" line

its usually met with a confused sort of look
similar to the one this yellow guy here has on his chops

then followed by
"hey thats offensive"

i'm not too worried if you think i'm a dick, but i don't like racist jokes. i just don't think theres any need for them.

personal preference.

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

just some cold guinness. jesus, i'd love to be in the pub right now...

 

[madouva]

Originally posted by Jimcorr
Shop "Jokes"...courtesy of Steven Wright

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

Steven Wright. Absolute hero.

 

[thegoone]

i wasnt calling you a dickhead
it was a reference to my calling black people darkies and asling them not to take offence

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

how do you stop 5 white men raping a woman?

throw them a football.

it's not a funny joke, surely everyone finds sex nicer than sport? even dark-skinned people, i mean, their needs are the same as the needs of a lighter skinned man, no? i find it difficult to believe any man, no matter what the coulour of their skin, would stop sexing someone to play a ball game.

shit things about this joke were 'rape' and the ignorance factor in assuming there's a differnece between the needs of different coloured skinned people.

i don't think it's racist, just really stupid.

BUT, you can find it funny overall if it is this ignorance factor that your laughing at... because i find that hillarious some times. it's what's funny about calling someone gay even though you known their not... can eventually lead to "having a girlfriend is so gay..." and thing like that. just stupid ignorance. and it manifests itself in funny ways sometimes.

Originally posted by herv
i'm not too worried if you think i'm a dick, but i don't like racist jokes. i just don't think theres any need for them.

personal preference.

 

[thegoone]

that last thing was meant for herv
and asling was supposed to read as asking

believe it or not im not a racist
but i like a good joke and somebody is usually at the butt end of them

i cant add on a little story of how
"one of my best friends is black" because theyre not
they are all white or chinky

 

[thegoone]

does anybody want tickets for radiohead?
email me

[email protected]

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

hee hee hee

 

[thegoone]

a piece of string goes into a bar and asks for 2 lamboonas
like that fat guy off the funny ads

the bartender goes "fuck off we dont serve strings like yourself in here"

so the piece of string goes outside and messes up his hair ,splits his ends etc in case the bartender means his particular stringtype
and he goes back in puts on a different accent and asks for a pint

the bartender goes "are you that piece of string juust in a minute ago"

no im a frayed knot!

 

[Knacker]

Bertie Ahern, at the opening of the Special Olympics, saying to the crowd: "Today, we're all Mongolians"

 

[Ex-User (1487)]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha