House For Sale (1 Viewer)

[Anne OMalley]

House For Sale
8 bdrm family residence on stunning 12 ac. plot incl. rose garden/veg. patch/Indian burial grnd. One careless owner. Struc. good condition w/ slight fissuring down centre. Drains need attention. Ideal for drngd kllrs/ incsts siblings. Must be seen to be believed.

 

[Latex lizzie]

House For Sale
8 bdrm family residence on stunning 12 ac. plot incl. rose garden/veg. patch/Indian burial grnd. One careless owner. Struc. good condition w/ slight fissuring down centre. Drains need attention. Ideal for drngd kllrs/ incsts siblings. Must be seen to be believed.

viewing times?

 

[jane]

House For Sale
8 bdrm family residence on stunning 12 ac. plot incl. rose garden/veg. patch/Indian burial grnd. One careless owner. Struc. good condition w/ slight fissuring down centre. Drains need attention. Ideal for drngd kllrs/ incsts siblings. Must be seen to be believed.

I've seen this. It's all a hoax. Nothing more than a cheap lino helipad inside a miniature pressboard model of York Minster. Instead, view my property:

Period home!
3BR detached Georgian ceiling, 1Ba plus shower room, walk-in cooker, many original features incl. six-course dinner, gallows. Granny flat in cellar, assembles in 20 min, doesn't eat much.

 

[Anne OMalley]

Are you serious? Nobody in their right mind would buy a ceiling off the Internet, flat granny or not.

I've seen this. It's all a hoax. Nothing more than a cheap lino helipad inside a miniature pressboard model of York Minster. Instead, view my property:

Period home!
3BR detached Georgian ceiling, 1Ba plus shower room, walk-in cooker, many original features incl. six-course dinner, gallows. Granny flat in cellar, assembles in 20 min, doesn't eat much.

 

[jane]

Are you serious? Nobody in their right mind would buy a ceiling off the Internet, flat granny or not.

It has original mouldings and chandelier. Must see!

And anyway, you forgot to mention that your property is one of those 99 year leaseholds, and that it has that stipulation where you aren't allowed to open the door, or ask the priest if he would like to leave or have another cup of tea. Not to mention the dirigible in the bathtub.

 

[Anne OMalley]

Your whole argument, madam, is increasingly dirigible.

Besides, the property I spoke of has numerous hidden features e.g. wheels, an 8-valve engine and a vintage, leather-covered steering wheel. It is in fact a mobile home in the original sense of the word and can do nought to sixty in less than an afternoon.

I might add - with some caution, given the increasingly punitive climate for motoring - that my property has been known to reach up to 115 kmph on the autobahn (driver not provided) without so much as a swishing curtain in the drawing room.

It has original mouldings and chandelier. Must see!

And anyway, you forgot to mention that your property is one of those 99 year leaseholds, and that it has that stipulation where you aren't allowed to open the door, or ask the priest if he would like to leave or have another cup of tea. Not to mention the dirigible in the bathtub.

 

[jane]

Your whole argument, madam, is increasingly dirigible.

Besides, the property I spoke of has numerous hidden features e.g. wheels, an 8-valve engine and a vintage, leather-covered steering wheel. It is in fact a mobile home in the original sense of the word and can do nought to sixty in less than an afternoon.

I might add - with some caution, given the increasingly punitive climate for motoring - that my property has been known to reach up to 115 kmph on the autobahn (driver not provided) without so much as a swishing curtain in the drawing room.

CC: The Irish Times, Editor

Madam,

With the property market saturated with overpriced premises and homes of poor quality, we all must be concerned about 'loose' descriptions and deliberate omissions -- both in adverts and in initial contractual agreements -- that can have inconvenient, if not grave consequences. I refer you to this recent advert (an excerpt is included above), which states that the driver of the mobile home is not 'provided', implying that the vehicular home/habitable vehicle will be purchased empty of people. What the seller fails to mention, however, is that the original 'careless owner' is included.

I bought this property last year and was not told until just before move-in/move-on day, I would be required to feed, house, clothe and bathe the original owner, who would sit, perched on the chemical toilet shouting, 'Are we there yet, you bastard!?' at least 16.9 non-consecutive hours of every day. He left the door on the latch, whacking it open with his cane and wailing expletives at my three small children, except during Winning Streak, when he would direct his anger at a portable television he had Blu-tacked over the sink. While I am pleased that my children were able to build their pitiful vocabularies somewhat, the idea that the vehicle can reach 115 kmph without so much as a swishing curtain belies the constant cane-whacking-door-slamming that left my poor family traumatised and nearly destitute.

Thankfully, we had a fantastic solicitor, who got us out of our contract without penalty, and we were able to recover our investment, but it leaves us with this question: is this the way we want our youth to learn the ancient art of blasphemy?

Yours, etc,
Bonnie DaSilva
Quincy, MA, USA