Back in work after 2 weeks off. Sucks.
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Bored in Work (maximum break) 147 (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter pete
- Start date
- Replies 125
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the bongo
New Member
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2004
- Messages
- 585
pete said:
In work after two weeks of working. Sucks.
plug
Well-Known Member
in work after drinking all day yesterday like some fucking idiot and finishing the night with several tequila slammers. passed a dead animal lorry on my way in this morning and nearly puked on myself on the street.
bleeagh!
!bog
this cheered me up though. punk squirrels..
bleeagh!!bog
this cheered me up though. punk squirrels..
talkingllama
Active Member
plug said:in work after drinking all day yesterday like some fucking idiot and finishing the night with several tequila slammers. passed a dead animal lorry on my way in this morning and nearly puked on myself on the street.
!bog
this cheered me up though. punk squirrels..
oooh!...punk rock squirrels... www.maycontainnutz.com
plug
Well-Known Member
hahaha! how cute..talkinglama said:
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
- Messages
- 783
jane
Well-Known Member
I just saw a very old golden Labrador wearing socks. One blue tube sock, actually. I feel guilty for smiling because the poor pooch was probably in pain, and he was kinda lumbering along all be-socked, looking a little bit sad.
plug
Well-Known Member
heheh/aw.. poor doggie. reminds me of a friend who admitted to me once that he used to get a great kick out of making little booties and pants for his dog out of plastic dunnes stores bags. bit weird..jane said:
I'd love a pet dog, but I don't have room for one. maybe I could get a pet squirrel. is that possible. I like squirrels, at least I do according to my avatar..
Some Very Good Jokes
Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga." He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATH…BY UGGA BUGGA!"
Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."
Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga." He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATH…BY UGGA BUGGA!"
Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."
RSJ
Well-Known Member
Re: Some Very Good Jokes
What goes into thirteen twice?
Michael Jackson.
Q: What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?
A: Arrrrrrr Kelly.
Q: Did you hear that David Beckham's voice will be used for the announcements at the new Wembley?
A: Apparently he comes over the P.A. very well...
Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Q: What's the difference between Paula Radcliffe and Hitler?
A: At least Hitler tried to finish a race.
In a bid for good publicity, Michael Jackson's legal team announced
that when the singer dies he's agreed to be melted down by undertakers
to make plastic toys.
So, kids can play with him for a change...
Q: What's the difference between Simply Red and a cow?
A: The cow's got the horns at the front and the arsehole at the back.
Two snowmen are chatting...
First Snowman: "Can you smell carrots?"
Q: What's blue and fucks kids?
A: Me in my lucky blue suit.
A man goes to the doctor about his wife. He describes her symptoms.
The doctor says, "Well, she's either got AIDS or Alzheimer's. The symptoms are very similar in the early stages."
The man is shocked and says "Surely you must be able to tell the difference... isn't there anything I can do to find out?"
"There is." the doctor replies. "Take her for a drive into the middle of nowhere and leave her there. If she finds her way home don't fuck her."
What goes into thirteen twice?
Michael Jackson.
Q: What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?
A: Arrrrrrr Kelly.
Q: Did you hear that David Beckham's voice will be used for the announcements at the new Wembley?
A: Apparently he comes over the P.A. very well...
Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Q: What's the difference between Paula Radcliffe and Hitler?
A: At least Hitler tried to finish a race.
In a bid for good publicity, Michael Jackson's legal team announced
that when the singer dies he's agreed to be melted down by undertakers
to make plastic toys.
So, kids can play with him for a change...
Q: What's the difference between Simply Red and a cow?
A: The cow's got the horns at the front and the arsehole at the back.
Two snowmen are chatting...
First Snowman: "Can you smell carrots?"
Q: What's blue and fucks kids?
A: Me in my lucky blue suit.
A man goes to the doctor about his wife. He describes her symptoms.
The doctor says, "Well, she's either got AIDS or Alzheimer's. The symptoms are very similar in the early stages."
The man is shocked and says "Surely you must be able to tell the difference... isn't there anything I can do to find out?"
"There is." the doctor replies. "Take her for a drive into the middle of nowhere and leave her there. If she finds her way home don't fuck her."
guy of the tiger
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2003
- Messages
- 5,450
Why do girls seem to think it's okay to break wind around me?
plug
Well-Known Member
that's unfortunate. are we talking dainty 'parp' farts, or full on rumblers here?FancyGoods said:
you could kindly ask them to stop? or you could simply "outgun" them by farting them into submission..
brussels sprouts and lentils (and lots of them) will aid you in this task.
excuse to use the now playing thing
cpr
Pricks....
Re: Some Very Good Jokes
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun, and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about it for a while she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he had never been married, did not have any kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab driver said "What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have sex with him and she agreed as long as he would take her from behind. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said "Ha ha, I have six kids, I've been married three times and I've never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"
A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor.
"Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."
"Is that going to help me" says the man.
"No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun, and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about it for a while she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he had never been married, did not have any kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab driver said "What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have sex with him and she agreed as long as he would take her from behind. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said "Ha ha, I have six kids, I've been married three times and I've never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"
A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor.
"Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."
"Is that going to help me" says the man.
"No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"
Wavioli
Well-Known Member
Good god, these things actually exist on this planet...
A giant deep-sea spider, nearly a foot across, is an impressive sight indeed. These animals make up for the small size of their bodies by accomodating vital organs such as gonads in their long legs. They feed upon corals and other sessile organisms, sucking up their contents through their enormous proboscis
http://exploretheabyss.com
A giant deep-sea spider, nearly a foot across, is an impressive sight indeed. These animals make up for the small size of their bodies by accomodating vital organs such as gonads in their long legs. They feed upon corals and other sessile organisms, sucking up their contents through their enormous proboscis
http://exploretheabyss.com
SONYMEGADRIVE
Well-Known Member
scream for me long beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
andrew
andrew
chutneyfarmer
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2002
- Messages
- 4,555
Wavioli said:Good god, these things actually exist on this planet...
Pat Kenny, nearly 6ft Tall, is an impressive sight indeed. These simpletons make up for the small size of their brains by accomodating vital organs such as gonads in their long legs. They feed upon middle aged housewives, sucking up their contents through their enormous proboscis
http://patkennyainlseyharriotanddrphilaretossers.com
Jaysus!
kstop
New Member
Re: Some Very Good Jokes
How do you get a Pope into a mini?
Tell him he has nice legs.
How do you get a Pope into a mini?
Tell him he has nice legs.
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