Bored in Work 178 (1 Viewer)

[LMD64]

Re: look at this map of middle earth

All you guys live in Lamedon

Yeah? Yeah? Well, your hair's a total Rhûn.

 

[LMD64]

Re: look at this map of middle earth

Yeah? Yeah? Well, your hair's a total Rhûn.

and your momma lives in Hoardale.

 

[glen]

Re: look at this map of middle earth

Look! There's a place called Aahrsolle!

 

[Brush]

Re: look at this map of middle earth

Look! There's a place called Aahrsolle!

F'nar. And The Brown Lands.

 

[nofriendo]

http://massdestraction.com/1378-Funny_Osama_Bin_Laden_Cartoon.html

 

[nofriendo]

Its a goldmine i tell you!
http://www.coloringbookland.com/

 

[evil bandit]

Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

I really hope not but here's some Chuck stuff one in eight are funny..

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a con dom.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,

"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.

If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the paralympics.

Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

BEFORE SCIENCE WAS INVENTED IT WAS ONCE BELIEVED THAT AUTUMN OCCURED WHEN CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED EVERY TREE IN EXISTENCE.

BEFORE EMAIL WAS INVENTED CHUCK NORRIS WOULD ATTACH PICTURES OF HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO PIGEONS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM.

IN THE ORIGINAL PILOT FOR STAR TREK NEXT GEN CHUCK NORRIS CAN BE SEEN POWERING THE USS ENTERPRISE WARP DRIVE WITH HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LABELLED AS A MERE GOD OF MEN, MORE RECENTLY HE HAS TAKEN THE LOFTY TITLE OF "TENESEES JUNIOR EMBROIDERER OF THE YEAR".

CHUCK NORRIS WAS ONCE ASKED TO RECOMMEND A CLUB TO WHICH HE REPLIED 'I AM CLUB' AND EVERYONE PARTIED ON HIM.. UNTIL HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM ALL BECAUSE SOMEONE SPIT HIS PINT.

 

[Osama Van Halen]

Re: Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

HE'S NO HASSLEHOFF... HE'S CHUCK NORRIS.. I WONDER IF HIS BROTHER IS A SENATOR?? ALLAHQUANDO FOR THE MISSLE LAUNCHER ON A SCRAMBLER CHUCK!!!

 

[Brush]

Re: Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

He fucking Should Be !!!!!

 

[Dr Winston Umbogo]

Re: Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

Chuck Norris has both male and female reproductive organs.

 

[PODGE]

The long arse willies at toners

HEY BUCKOS

THE LONG ARSE WILLIES PLAY OUR FIRST GIG TUESDAY NIGHT, TONERS.

COME ALONG WE ARE COOL.

FUCK YOU IF YOU SAY SOMETHING SMART.

 

[Corey]

Re: look at this map of middle earth

F'nar. And The Brown Lands.

Another deadly band name.

 

[glen]

Re: The long arse willies at toners

Grapefruit scent will make middle aged women appear six years younger to men. The perception is not reciprocal and the grapefruit scent on men has no effect on women's perception.
Women blink twice as many times as men do.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
We are about 1 cm taller in the morning than in the evening. Layers of cartilage in the joints gets compressed during the day.
There are approx. 550 hairs in the eyebrow.
The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue.
The life span of a taste bud is 10 days.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The largest known kidney stone weighed 1.36 kilograms.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Kidney stones come in any color--from yellow to brown.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They appear when the child is 2-6 years of age.
The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.
If you ate too many carrots you would turn orange.
The force of 1 billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of TNT.
A baby is born every seven seconds.
You can tell if a skunk is about if you smell only .000000000000071 ounce of its spray.
You breathe about 10 million times a year.
The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.
The foot is the most common body part bitten by insects.
The most common time for a wake up call is 7 a.m.
The typical person goes to the bathroom 6 times a day.
The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger.
The most sensitive finger on the human hand is the index finger.
The human body weighs 40 times more than the brain.
After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.
A person swallows approx. 295 times while eating dinner.
Your urine will turn bright yellow if you eat too much asparagus.
There are more people alive today than have ever died.
The human body is better suited to two four-hour sleep cycles than one eight-hour one.
A man's beard contains between 7000 and 15,000 hairs.
A beard grows an average of 140mm a year
A hair is 70 per cent easier to cut when soaked in warm water for two minutes
Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair
During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble
4.5 million people have their health 'adversely affected' by air pollutants each year.
4 million children die each year from inhaling smoke from indoor cooking fires that burn wood and Dung
4 million people die annually from diarrhea infections, caused by poor sanitary conditions
The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone.

 

[SONYMEGADRIVE]

Re: Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

i learned to become a blackbelt in karate from chuck norris in his karate shop beside the palace on camden street

v reasonable rates

 

[Brush]

Re: Chuck Norris, the new Hasslehoff????

i learned to become a blackbelt in karate from chuck norris in his karate shop beside the palace on camden street

v reasonable rates

The one over the bike shop?

Thats where the ninja bicyclists train. Are you an ninja bicyclist? I hear you can get AIDS from Bicycling?

 

[Spam Javelin]

The gicker debate

I've been pondering over this for a while.

Which orifice does the word gicker pertain to?

Strangely, most of my male friends think that it describes the anus, whereas most of my female friends think it describes the vagina.

Surely it can't be both!

For me, its anus all the way, but I've encountered such strong opposition that my beliefs are starting to waver.

 

[Brush]

Re: The gicker debate

I've been pondering over this for a while.

Which orifice does the word gicker pertain to?

Strangely, most of my male friends think that it describes the anus, whereas most of my female friends think it describes the vagina.

Surely it can't be both!

For me, its anus all the way, but I've encountered such strong opposition that my beliefs are starting to waver.

Its the bum.

Gik = Poo so Gikker must = Pooper = Bottom

 

[Donkey OJ]

Re: The gicker debate

gick = shit
so unless the ladies is from the dark side (front to back FRONT TO BACK!!!)
then gicker will always = arse.

 

[Corey]

Re: The gicker debate

Always thought it was the front bottom and not the back.

 

[ICUH8N]

Re: The gicker debate

Always thought it was the front bottom and not the back.

That explains an awful lot.