Best Onion headlines ever (2 Viewers)

[Lefty Frizzell]

CLINTON WARNS NATION NOT TO FILL UP ON BREAD

 

[glen]

Area stoner to spend day in bed.

 

[RSJ]

Microsoft patents 1,0

 

[ICUH8N]

All the area ones are great.

Area messageboard in savage infighting shocker.

 

[RSJ]

Area Bassist Fellated

 

[Lord Damian]

i called the g/f's attention to the recent (current?) Onion story about New Orleans getting hit my a huge meteorite and being turned into a lava-strewn radioactive wasteland...but i hid the top part of the page (The Onion banner) - her reaction? "oh my god, that's horrible"...her reaction when i showed her it was actually the Onion? "what's Onion?"

at least i had a chuckle, ya know...?

 

[Doctor Muscles]

Archaeologists uncover spooky race of skeleton people

 

[Bellatrix]

7 customers gunned down in convenience store clerk's imagination

 

[Bellatrix]

Clinton googles self

 

[taubstumm]

in my old job, there was an explicitly stated rule that nobody was allowed to read the onion headlines out loud to everybody else

yet every wednesday, we'd still all be there loudly enunciating 'clinton deploys vowels to bosnia' and 'clinton vetoes 'stab clinton' bill' and 'christ converts to islam' and 'holy shit! man lands on fucking moon!' to eachother

 

[gugai]

Try The Ferrett (http://www.theferret.org.uk)

"Botched 'Real Boy' Operation Leaves Pinocchio Fighting For Life"

Wind Chill Factor, Thermal Energy Cancel Out, Leave Burning Man Strapped to Airbus Fuselage at 'Comfortable Room Temperature

Surviving Members of The Famous Five To Face Charges of Interfering In Police Business

Bono's Decision To Move Into Pop Music Criticised By Political Community

 

[billygannon]

Ladykiller gets life sentence
A caption underneath a picture of a jock and a jockette on their wedding day.

Amish give up
"This is bullshit" says Elder

 

[pete]

Homeopathic Remedy Remedies Pathetic Homo

best ever

 

[BC]

'holy shit! man lands on fucking moon!'

ah, thats my favourite one

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

what was the 9/11 one again?

 

[c0De_n1NjA]

what was the 9/11 one again?

"Holy fucking shit - america under attack" it featured a picture of a fireman hugging a cop with the caption "Hugging up 76%"

 

[Lefty Frizzell]

"Holy fucking shit - america under attack" it featured a picture of a fireman hugging a cop with the caption "Hugging up 76%"

oh yeah. Kinda remember it bein funnier at the time but thanks for posting it anyway.

cheers.

 

[Wavioli]

yeah thanks a bunch.

 

[mark]

all time favourite:

"Sinatra warns ruskies - 'knock of this commie bunk or its a ring-a-ding-ding for you bozos'"

 

[frambosenshmak]

oh yeah. Kinda remember it bein funnier at the time but thanks for posting it anyway.

cheers.

always funnier seeing/hearing it first hand or 'live' as codeninja and his buzz word junkies like to call it