Worst joke competition! (1 Viewer)

[roxy]

i am.
here's a recent photo:
http://images.google.ie/images?q=tbn:REmHFYqxNCMJ:home.freeuk.com/markaldridge/ugly/male/up-men-00004.jpg

That photo is so old hat.

 

[karljacuncha]

four beats go into a bar
(ba-dum, tsch ...tsch)

 

[Junglebob]

A guy goes into a bar, orders a pint and puts 3 ducks on the counter and heads off for a piss. So the barman looks at the ducks. He asks the first one 'whats your name, and hows your day?' the first one replys: 'I'm hughey, I've had the best day ever, I was in and outta puddles all day!', so the barman askes the second one the same question, the second one replies:'I'm Dooey, I've had a great day, I've been in and outta puddles all day!'. So the barman looks at the third one and says 'I suppose that you're Louie then', to which he replied: 'No, I'm Puddles and don't fuckin' ask how my day was!'.

 

[Junglebob]

There's a leper luying at the bottom of a cliff with no arms or legs, thinking to himself, is this how it ends. Just as he thought that he sees a leg land just in front of him, so he sticks the legs on and wonders to himself where it came from. Just then an arm flys down, so he puts that on as well. another arm and leg soon follow, so he puts them on! He sees more limbs flying from the top of the cliff so he decides to climb up to see whats happening, as he's climbing up more and more limbs fall. As he gets to the top he sees a sign saying leper colony and hears 'ya put you right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in....'.

 

[killgore]

whats pink and white and sits in the corner?
a baby with a plastic bag on its head.

whats blue and white and sits in the corner?
the same baby a few weeks later.


wht did the monkey fall out of the tree ?
he was dead

!bog

 

[LMD64]

What's 3.5 inches long and hairy, has 12 legs with pincers on the ends, a tail like a lizard, a very highly developed sense of smell, the ability to jump 10ft in a single leap and smells vaguely of cottage cheese?

I don't know, but I picked it gingerly out of my groin this morning with a pair of tweezers, where it had nestled in and was feeding off my blood supply and had begun to lay eggs in batches of 20-30 at a time.

Sorry, thought this was the "Living with the private shame of STDs" thread.

 

[Vinnie]

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

 

[plug]

"just for laughs" with ed byrne, monday nights on rté two

 

[shidheat]

"just for laughs" with ed byrne, monday nights on rté two

What a crock of shit that was. Last night anyway. Haven't seen it in years but the last time I did see it I remember Jerry Sadovitch actually getting punched in the face by a member of the audience. He had started his set out by calling them all moose fuckers. I took it to be a good thing, ie. that just for laughs hosted pretty diverse comedy. Also remember seeing Bill Hicks yapping with Dennis Leary on it another time. But from watching that last night the whole thing looks really safe and unfunny. Is just for laughs really the cream of North American/Canadian stand up? Or is RTE just showing the shitty bits? You decide. Actually, that wasn't a rhetorical question. Has it really gone down the toilet?

 

[broken arm]

what's brown and sticky?

















a stick!

 

[jillface]

Have I told you my joke about deja vu yet?

(cringe)
Yes, that's the joke.

 

[#10-7]

WACKO JACKO JOKE-OS

Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?
A. He knows how they feel.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Frankie Dettori?
A. Frankie Dettori DOES have a licence to ride 3 year olds.

 

[colly]

Want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?

I used to like tractors

 

[Eddie Gorilla]

How do you stop a nurse getting into a telephone box?

Ram a javelin through her head.

 

[portrid]

Which 80's action film took its title from a crude soup of stomach acid, who's two main stars were insect-free and a hair-removal cream prostitute respectively, and also featured a fuel-efficient feline incinerator?

"The Gruel of the Bile" with Michael Bugless, Danny the Veet ho' and cat lean-burner




What do I win?

 

[chutneyfarmer]

Which 80's action film took its title from a crude soup of stomach acid, who's two main stars were insect-free and a hair-removal cream prostitute respectively, and also featured a fuel-efficient feline incinerator?

"The Gruel of the Bile" with Michael Bugless, Danny the Veet ho' and cat lean-burner




What do I win?

Dear God, i think we may finally have a winner.

 

[tim]

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?










Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon..........









While Michael Jackson fucks kids

 

[tim]

Why did the pervert cross the road?











Cause it was still inside the chicken.

 

[Super Dexta]

What's the difference between a duck?









Its other leg is both the same.

 

[tim]

Fascinating.