cuntface
New Member
Subject: Hangover Ratings all been there at some stage!!
1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your slept in your own bed and
when you
woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still
able to
function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka
redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as
parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and
a
side of fries.
2 star hangover * *
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have
the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you hug
to
try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is
raving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour
about
the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all
you
really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing
the
net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover * * *
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet
and
not so productive. Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because
her/his
perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with
your
alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am. Life
would be
better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a
litre
of coke watching daytime TV. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water,
2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover * * * *
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
speak
too quickly or else you might spew. Your boss has already lambasted you
for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice
clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you
either
missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your
make-up
on while riding the dodgems (depending on your gender). Your teeth have
their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and
your
hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the second-grade class
picture
circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the following: - Home
time, doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so you
could go
back and NOT have gone out the night before. You scare small children
in the
street just by walking past them.
5 star hangover * * * * *
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the
employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every
pore and
making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to
generate
saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would
take the
last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right
now.
Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that
your
dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in
sick
because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..very
gently.
6 star hangover * * * * * *
You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were
fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep
until
the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has
been
cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No
matter
what you do you now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and
now
find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along
the
skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you
find
the toilet. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before
you
spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your
impersonation of
walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies,
cuddling the
only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly
continuing to
make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at
this
stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your
abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back
to bed
leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your
spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your
body
won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself
inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils projectile out your
mouth on
the last occasion. It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner
getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/He abuses you
again
for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You
reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them
driving you to the hospital. Work is not an option
1 Star Hangover
1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your slept in your own bed and
when you
woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still
able to
function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka
redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as
parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and
a
side of fries.
2 star hangover * *
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have
the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you hug
to
try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is
raving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour
about
the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all
you
really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing
the
net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover * * *
Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet
and
not so productive. Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because
her/his
perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with
your
alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am. Life
would be
better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a
litre
of coke watching daytime TV. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water,
2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover * * * *
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
speak
too quickly or else you might spew. Your boss has already lambasted you
for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice
clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you
either
missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your
make-up
on while riding the dodgems (depending on your gender). Your teeth have
their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and
your
hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the second-grade class
picture
circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the following: - Home
time, doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so you
could go
back and NOT have gone out the night before. You scare small children
in the
street just by walking past them.
5 star hangover * * * * *
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the
employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every
pore and
making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to
generate
saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would
take the
last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right
now.
Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that
your
dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in
sick
because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..very
gently.
6 star hangover * * * * * *
You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were
fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep
until
the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has
been
cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No
matter
what you do you now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and
now
find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along
the
skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you
find
the toilet. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before
you
spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your
impersonation of
walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies,
cuddling the
only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly
continuing to
make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at
this
stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your
abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back
to bed
leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your
spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your
body
won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself
inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils projectile out your
mouth on
the last occasion. It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner
getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/He abuses you
again
for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You
reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them
driving you to the hospital. Work is not an option
1 Star Hangover