Thread for dead parents (all done in the best possible way) (1 Viewer)

[sweetoblivion]

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

oi, save that for the divorced parents' thread.
the first time i heard that poem i got so upset. because it's true, natch. actually, there's a book called 'they fuck you up' about that very subject, my dad has a copy, ironically.

 

[billygannon]

Probably coming out here and staying with us for a bit was a good move too... leaving everything that is familiar for a little while.

Yep. That was a really good thing for me to do.

Kind of had to keep it together then. But I think I was quite a bit different back in Dublin.

 

[talkingllama]

i live in glasnevin and the view from my housemates window is onto the cemetery (back of the house). One morning she awoke and pulled back the curtains to see an old man of about 70 standing crying at a grave straight across from her. it's was very sad but really creepy at the same time. :-(

 

[Goff]

i live in glasnevin and the view from my housemates window is onto the cemetery (back of the house). One morning she awoke and pulled back the curtains to see an old man of about 70 standing crying at a grave straight across from her. it's was very sad but really creepy at the same time. :-(

Sad. Nothing at all creepy about that.

Will youse for jasus' sake all stop with the transference?

Whatever about what youse'd be doing at a grave crying in the wee small hours and your sick reasons for being there, don't take it away from that poor man.

Unless he was having a cry-wank, then it's just plain sad.

Living with your house looking onto Prospect. Now, that's creepy.

 

[roxy]

What about losing children though?

My cousin buried her 18 year old son in January, and his 17 year old brother has been in a coma for the past two months as a result of same accident. As sad and shocked as I was, the grief they're going through is something I couldn't in my wildest dreams even begin to comprehend. It's like two skiploads of grief and agony and torture poured down on top of them at once, all mixed up together and yet separate the same time. They're such lovely lads too, it's just absolutely fucking insanely cruel.

 

[Scientician 0.8]

Yeah young people dying is the worst. My cousin died aged 7, one of my best friends died aged 17. The whole pointlessness of it all. Fuck fate. (

 

[It Will Never Last]

That's awful...I don't visit my Dad's grave much, but I know it is looked after and I would be so so so angry if I thought it wasn't.

My uncle died eight years ago and his family do fuck all with his grave. Looks a mess. That pisses me off no end, it doesn't take much to keep it looking tidy.

I've brought my mum out a few times and it tears her to pieces to see it abandoned and all overgrown.

Went through a phase of visiting my dad's grave every few days about a year ago, for some reason I wanted to have a chat with him and being at his graveside meant something to me. I don't care how crazy that sounds, it meant a lot to me during a difficult time. Haven't been down in a while, but that doesn't mean I don't think about him every day. Hard not to, there's a picture of him on my hearthstone smiling up at me right now.

I do understand when people don't get anything out of visiting graves though, we all remember in different ways, but like I said...keep it tidy.

 

[It Will Never Last]

What about losing children though?

Buried the son of a family friend a few years ago. Kid was only 18, died after a long illness (brain tumor). Kid knew it was coming, so planned the whole thing himself...picked the music etc etc.

That was a tough one.

 

[Goff]

Burying Childer is something I never want to do.

Re The grave thing. As reckless said, at different times, it means different things.

But I like the idea of keeping the grave tended. It's a respect thing. Not to everyone's taste, but still. It's not hard to do. When you live near to the grave.

Each to their own. The main thing is to remember.

That's important.

 

[Bellatrix]

Buried the son of a family friend a few years ago. Kid was only 18, died after a long illness (brain tumor). Kid knew it was coming, so planned the whole thing himself...picked the music etc etc.

That was a tough one.

I was at a funeral like that. The boy who had died and his brother had chosen all the songs in advance and his brother sang them (incredibly well). Lots of Dylan and Guns 'n' Roses. It was utterly heartbreaking.

 

[TrueLoveWaits]

Each to their own. The main thing is to remember.

That's important.

Exactly, everybody remembers in their own way....

In a way you expect your parents to die before you (horrible though it is to think about) but dear God, I couldn't imagine losing a child...how fucking cruel. My cousin was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 17, thankfully he pulled through, he is 28 now and is still in remission but I will always remember how utterly distraught my aunt was at that time, the thought of her son being taken away from her, that in itself nearly killed her.