Pinkness + versatility = breakfast-meat nirvana. Bacon, pork, puddin', ham, sausages, cauliflower, milkybar buttons - the list of salty treats from the depths of the common muck-eating swine is fucking endless. Yes, after clambering beneath all that wool you undertake a meat odyssey that starts right at the rump and just doesn't let up as you visit bladder, beak, and even trotters in your all-encompassing voyage to victual enlightenment.
A sure-fire hit with the hungover - and indeed, the very drunk - pig flesh is synonymous with healing and recovery. "Breathlessly entertaining from start to finish" read one review of Les Miserables in an unrelated incident.
Marks & Spencer Lean Rashers - 7/10
Summary: As Danish as Lars Ulrich, lederhosen, piñatas, and the Welsh
Yes those innovative Marksist food boffins are at it again, stripping seemingly any trace of puppy fat (and more surprisingly, pig fat) from their more upmarket species of oink-strips. Truly the Kate Moss of rashers, they are often found wankered drunk and coked-up at some depraved society gathering wearing only designer lingerie and covered in expensive slap.
Superquinn Sausages - 8/10
Summary: Award-winning* minced pig segments of undetermined origin stuffed into Durex extra-sensitive love-enhancement sheaths
Prime widow's memories that are, humourously enough, soon to become actual memories - never mind that Superquim's days are numbered (aided no doubt by the horrific offspring of Feargal Quinn - have you heard those ads?), we in the now and in the know can still savour these savoury phallic delights made in the likeness of Daddy Q's imaginary penis. Particularly delicious raw with some golden syrup, betwixt thick slices of Tesco Pineapple Log, this is the finest pink pound (lb.) for your pink Euro (€). (_*_)
*Bobsleigh team (Female), Winter Olympics '74 - Runner-up, Crufts '88 - Countdown champion (11 shows undefeated), Spring '93
Smith's Bacon Fries - 5/10
Summary: High-sodium pub grub for the health-unconscious
'Deceptively lifelike pork rinds' is how one might likely describe Smith's Scampi Fries but in stark contrast, their bacon variety more klosely resembles Koko the Klown's krusty underpants in both taste, texture, and horticultural expertise. Infamously named and shamed for listing rusk as a primary ingredient during questioning at the Barrymore pool incident hearing, Bacon Fries have that elusive moreish quality so lacking in many of today's psoriasis creams.
Denny White Pudding - 10/10
Summary: Delicately seasoned savoury pudding made from only the most distinguished, mannerly, private-schooled lumps of contaminated bloody offal
A full english BNP breakfast would be nothing without white pudding. Or Aryan Coco Pops (Rice Krispies). From the moustachioed bowler-hatted businesswomen of London's banking districts to the rogueish whistling chimney sweeps of London's banking districts, all agree that there's nothing like a juicy white pudding to remind those oily foreigners who the bloody boss is around here.
Denny Black Pudding - 1/10
Summary: Urban blood sausage gets medieval on your ass, digestive tract, and perception of racial harmony
When the watchful eye of the border police goes all Thom Yorke, black pudding is one of the more undesirable outcomes, threatening decent society with its conspicuously non-indigenous colour scheme and its...well...emm... look, it's a different bloody colour for God's sake!
A sure-fire hit with the hungover - and indeed, the very drunk - pig flesh is synonymous with healing and recovery. "Breathlessly entertaining from start to finish" read one review of Les Miserables in an unrelated incident.
Marks & Spencer Lean Rashers - 7/10
Summary: As Danish as Lars Ulrich, lederhosen, piñatas, and the Welsh
Yes those innovative Marksist food boffins are at it again, stripping seemingly any trace of puppy fat (and more surprisingly, pig fat) from their more upmarket species of oink-strips. Truly the Kate Moss of rashers, they are often found wankered drunk and coked-up at some depraved society gathering wearing only designer lingerie and covered in expensive slap.
Superquinn Sausages - 8/10
Summary: Award-winning* minced pig segments of undetermined origin stuffed into Durex extra-sensitive love-enhancement sheaths
Prime widow's memories that are, humourously enough, soon to become actual memories - never mind that Superquim's days are numbered (aided no doubt by the horrific offspring of Feargal Quinn - have you heard those ads?), we in the now and in the know can still savour these savoury phallic delights made in the likeness of Daddy Q's imaginary penis. Particularly delicious raw with some golden syrup, betwixt thick slices of Tesco Pineapple Log, this is the finest pink pound (lb.) for your pink Euro (€). (_*_)
*Bobsleigh team (Female), Winter Olympics '74 - Runner-up, Crufts '88 - Countdown champion (11 shows undefeated), Spring '93
Smith's Bacon Fries - 5/10
Summary: High-sodium pub grub for the health-unconscious
'Deceptively lifelike pork rinds' is how one might likely describe Smith's Scampi Fries but in stark contrast, their bacon variety more klosely resembles Koko the Klown's krusty underpants in both taste, texture, and horticultural expertise. Infamously named and shamed for listing rusk as a primary ingredient during questioning at the Barrymore pool incident hearing, Bacon Fries have that elusive moreish quality so lacking in many of today's psoriasis creams.
Denny White Pudding - 10/10
Summary: Delicately seasoned savoury pudding made from only the most distinguished, mannerly, private-schooled lumps of contaminated bloody offal
A full english BNP breakfast would be nothing without white pudding. Or Aryan Coco Pops (Rice Krispies). From the moustachioed bowler-hatted businesswomen of London's banking districts to the rogueish whistling chimney sweeps of London's banking districts, all agree that there's nothing like a juicy white pudding to remind those oily foreigners who the bloody boss is around here.
Denny Black Pudding - 1/10
Summary: Urban blood sausage gets medieval on your ass, digestive tract, and perception of racial harmony
When the watchful eye of the border police goes all Thom Yorke, black pudding is one of the more undesirable outcomes, threatening decent society with its conspicuously non-indigenous colour scheme and its...well...emm... look, it's a different bloody colour for God's sake!
