- Joined
- Dec 22, 1999
- Messages
- 4,759
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR
FERGIE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
Like the Queen, Sir Alex Ferguson has two birthdays: December 31 is
his real one, but his Official Birthday - the anniversary of the day
he took over at Manchester United - is today. That epochal event took
place 21 years ago, so to celebrate, here are 21 reasons why the
Fiver loves Fergie.
1. Banging on about how his "greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool
right off their f***ing perch", which wasn't much of a challenge when
you consider George Graham and Arsenal had already done it.
2. Claiming Juan Sebastian Veron, who once played an amazing
defence-splitting pass at home against Everton when United were 3-0
up, was a "f***ing great player".
3. Completely destabilising, then breaking up altogether United's
best-ever midfield - Giggs, Scholes, Keane, Beckham - with the
aforementioned "f***ing great player".
4. Stopping just short of making jokes about tanks with reverse gears
when suggesting that "when an Italian tells me it's pasta on the
plate I check under the sauce to make sure". What next? Blacking up
for laughs?
5. Not liking Arsene Wenger because the Arsenal manager seemingly
prefers to go straight home after work, rather than sitting in
Fergie's poky office watching the United manager suck down bottle
after bottle of Special Grape Drink.
6. Not talking to the state broadcaster on principle, but being quite
happy to use television money to prise players away from other clubs.
7. Banging on about how great Manchester United fans are, but not
communicating with them via the state broadcaster.
8. Banging on about how great Manchester United fans are - "It is a
great thing about football, what the supporters can do" - then
suggesting fans and founders of FC United of Manchester are "a bit
sad" and "a mob".
9. Banging on about socialism and picking up a CBE.
10. Banging on about socialism and accepting a knighthood.
11. Banging on about socialism and driving around in his sponsored
Audi like a corporate shill.
12. Telling the Audi Channel how good Audis are while driving around
in his sponsored Audi like a corporate shill.
13. Getting off with speeding up the hard shoulder of a motorway
because he was manager of Manch ... hold on ... because he had some
rusty water on the boil.
14. Denouncing celebrity culture yet hiring celebrity motoring lawyer
Nick 'Mr Loophole' Freeman to present the aforementioned rusty water
defence.
15. Displaying genuine blustering outrage when accusing Liverpool of
tapping up Gabriel Heinze, yet not being averse to a spot of contract
chicanery himself: two words here, and one of them is Jaap.
16. Whining on about timekeeping whenever United concede a late goal
(ie any goal scored after the 65-minute mark).
17. After years of losing with a stunning lack of grace and dignity,
perfecting the art of drawing with a stunning lack of grace and
dignity, such as last weekend's only-audible-to-dogs irrational whine
about referees, fans and security staff.
18. Having a big purple head that resembles a roasted aubergine.
19. Accusing Uefa of fixing the Big Cup draw so United always face the
likes of Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and AC Milan, when in reality
they're always grouped with Lille, Pope's O'Rangers and Basingstoke
Town.
20. Working in an era where his side are practically guaranteed
qualification for Big Cup every single year, without having to win
the league first, yet only reaching one Big Cup final. A record
which, for the purposes of ranking Sir Alex in the overall scheme of
things, should be juxtaposed with those of commoners like Bob Paisley
and Brian Clough.
21. Kicking a boot in David Beckham's face. Actually, Fergie's great,
isn't he?
FERGIE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
Like the Queen, Sir Alex Ferguson has two birthdays: December 31 is
his real one, but his Official Birthday - the anniversary of the day
he took over at Manchester United - is today. That epochal event took
place 21 years ago, so to celebrate, here are 21 reasons why the
Fiver loves Fergie.
1. Banging on about how his "greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool
right off their f***ing perch", which wasn't much of a challenge when
you consider George Graham and Arsenal had already done it.
2. Claiming Juan Sebastian Veron, who once played an amazing
defence-splitting pass at home against Everton when United were 3-0
up, was a "f***ing great player".
3. Completely destabilising, then breaking up altogether United's
best-ever midfield - Giggs, Scholes, Keane, Beckham - with the
aforementioned "f***ing great player".
4. Stopping just short of making jokes about tanks with reverse gears
when suggesting that "when an Italian tells me it's pasta on the
plate I check under the sauce to make sure". What next? Blacking up
for laughs?
5. Not liking Arsene Wenger because the Arsenal manager seemingly
prefers to go straight home after work, rather than sitting in
Fergie's poky office watching the United manager suck down bottle
after bottle of Special Grape Drink.
6. Not talking to the state broadcaster on principle, but being quite
happy to use television money to prise players away from other clubs.
7. Banging on about how great Manchester United fans are, but not
communicating with them via the state broadcaster.
8. Banging on about how great Manchester United fans are - "It is a
great thing about football, what the supporters can do" - then
suggesting fans and founders of FC United of Manchester are "a bit
sad" and "a mob".
9. Banging on about socialism and picking up a CBE.
10. Banging on about socialism and accepting a knighthood.
11. Banging on about socialism and driving around in his sponsored
Audi like a corporate shill.
12. Telling the Audi Channel how good Audis are while driving around
in his sponsored Audi like a corporate shill.
13. Getting off with speeding up the hard shoulder of a motorway
because he was manager of Manch ... hold on ... because he had some
rusty water on the boil.
14. Denouncing celebrity culture yet hiring celebrity motoring lawyer
Nick 'Mr Loophole' Freeman to present the aforementioned rusty water
defence.
15. Displaying genuine blustering outrage when accusing Liverpool of
tapping up Gabriel Heinze, yet not being averse to a spot of contract
chicanery himself: two words here, and one of them is Jaap.
16. Whining on about timekeeping whenever United concede a late goal
(ie any goal scored after the 65-minute mark).
17. After years of losing with a stunning lack of grace and dignity,
perfecting the art of drawing with a stunning lack of grace and
dignity, such as last weekend's only-audible-to-dogs irrational whine
about referees, fans and security staff.
18. Having a big purple head that resembles a roasted aubergine.
19. Accusing Uefa of fixing the Big Cup draw so United always face the
likes of Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and AC Milan, when in reality
they're always grouped with Lille, Pope's O'Rangers and Basingstoke
Town.
20. Working in an era where his side are practically guaranteed
qualification for Big Cup every single year, without having to win
the league first, yet only reaching one Big Cup final. A record
which, for the purposes of ranking Sir Alex in the overall scheme of
things, should be juxtaposed with those of commoners like Bob Paisley
and Brian Clough.
21. Kicking a boot in David Beckham's face. Actually, Fergie's great,
isn't he?
