Catholic Necrophilia - Padre Pio to be Exhumed (1 Viewer)

[flashback]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pio_of_Pietrelcina#Accusations_made_against_Padre_Pio

A noxious Socrates?
What does that mean? A bad philosopher?


Sex in confession though. Is that... a sort of a glory hole thing, did he put his wing wang into a hole and verily thine wenche doth penetrateth thineself?

Top marks sir.
I wonder what was going through their minds there.
Ahh. I see Padre seems to have left his wing wang in the slot again. Sure, when in Rome wha?

Ten out of ten.

 

[KokaneeCowgirl]

yeah that's part of the miracle, that and the fact his breath is still minthy fresh

Oh ick. I have hideous images in my mind of opening the glass case and begging him to breathe on me for a whiff of his minty freshness.

!bog

 

[Wilbert]

This is the most amazing story ever.

Somebody should fuse what's left of him with a robotic exoskeleton.

That's your answer to everything! The slightest thing happens and it's all "let's fuse it with a robotic exoskeleton!".

 

[jane]

They are just little wollen mittens - I've actually seen a pair of them. When my aunt was sick my father was given a loan of one of padre pio's mittens for her.

Oh yeah. I forgot about the part where he'd need fingerless gloves to soak up the blood from the stigmata.

Dammit.

I did learn that until a few decades ago, priests' trousers weren't allowed to be made with pockets, in case of any temptation to spend a little too long fishing out those boiled sweets.

My dad went to see Padre Pio say mass once, I think for the sort of freakshow experience. His masses were always incredibly early in the morning because discouraging the casual attendee was the only way to keep the numbers any way manageable. I imagine most of yiz already knew that, given Padre Pio's celebrity here. I only really found out about him when I moved here.

 

[flashback]

No one in the US seems to have heard of Padre Pio. I've been telling everyone in sight about him riding the hole of two young boys in confession and making them sing Frank Sinatra songs with nuns watching, while he talks about the Socratic method, and no one is the slightest bit interested.

 

[jane]

No one in the US seems to have heard of Padre Pio. I've been telling everyone in sight about him riding the hole of two young boys in confession and making them sing Frank Sinatra songs with nuns watching, while he talks about the Socratic method, and no one is the slightest bit interested.

Man, they are missing out. That's because, in keeping with America's cult of youth, they had the very fucking scary and sad tale of Audrey Santo, who I only just learned now died last spring:

http://www.littleaudreysanto.org/

Fucking sad. The whole business made me want to cry. And imagine she was conscious of everything and had decided she was an atheist? There was a big hullabaloo about her about ten years ago, about the ethics of putting a comatose girl on spectacle and trying to make her into a 'pro-life' saint without recognising the irony that she didn't have the capacity to make any choice.

This is the article I remember:
http://www.bostonphoenix.com/archive/features/97/12/25/AUDREY_SANTO.html

Fucking hell. I love: "The neighbourhood isn't zoned for this."


But actually, I think it's just that the majority of the population is Catholic here, so anything saintly makes the news. There, it's not so much. You'd probably hear about more if you lived in Boston or Rhode Island or New Hampshire. Or if you hung around cops or in Woodside.

 

[therealjohnny]

"The Five Bleeding Hosts"

such language!


You've got to love the archaic shit the Catholic church comes out with

This isn't pagan idolatry how?

Speaking of which, I've started a blog on fun catholic themes- here

not much to see yet but I plan to add to it whenever the mood takes me

 

[jane]

"The Five Bleeding Hosts"

such language!


You've got to love the archaic shit the Catholic church comes out with

This isn't pagan idolatry how?

Speaking of which, I've started a blog on fun catholic themes- here

not much to see yet but I plan to add to it whenever the mood takes me

AAAHHH! St Lucy always freaked me out the most. She's sort of even freakier when she has eyeballs on the plate *and* in her head, as she does in the church in Boston where I was first totally freaked out by her.

I love it. Do lots of things with that blog, please.

 

[shower another shower]

Mrs. Sloth's granny used to do collections for blessing for Padre Pio. Her house is filled to the brim with his pictures and relics(and incidentally WWF pictures and statues). The first time we brought my son there, when he was about 4, he asked her why she had so many pictures of Obi Wan Kinobi.

 

[Pantone247]

FYI: I have many problems with the title of this thread, firstly the use of the word necrophilia, this implys that someone was going to have sex with a corpse, I've read and re-read this thread and as far as I can see, no beyond the grave rumpy pupmpy

Also I keep read it as

Catholic Necrophiliac - Padre Pio - To Be Exhumed

this sounds like a badly worded picth for a hammer horror soft porn, maybe one that one would pitch to the Sci-Fi channel, where notorius Necrophiliac P.P., 100 years after being put to death for bumming a stuff, is exhumed (for some reason) but gets lose and starts a necrophilian rampage across New York

Actually scratch the soft porn factor, I think I've just worked out the plot detials of Ghostbusters 3!

 

[the strange guy]

Yeh, but who's to say that one of the priests won't have a crafty wank on Pio once they dig him up?

 

[flashback]

There might be room for some Padre Pio ocular penetration action.

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Aside: I horrifically offended at least one of the Italians with smutty talk about Padre Pio over lunch.

Not amused. Not. Amused.

Back of the net.

 

[the strange guy]

Corpso Pio - rockin the glass cabinet display with a tiny penis hand as a last minute artistic addition.

If you think his face is looking well for a 40 year old corpse you'd be right.
The Vatican shelled out for a 'lifelike silicone mask'.
Clearly God hadn't forgiven him for all of the stigmata fibs and bumped him off the list of 'incorruptible saints'.
Thankfully, Ratzinger got the last word in.

 

[Catwoman]

"It's like he's only sleeping"