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"daddy, that fart was the fall of Gallifrey'.

"Daddy, is this sentence too dubstep?"

"There are a lot of doors in your mind daddy...."

so...was telling the 6yr daughter about what happened at the weekend at the constitutional convention. Well trying to explain to a 6yr old as best as possible, at one point I used the word 'gay'... me- "you know what that means don't you?" Tillie- "yeah, like you're a priest or religious."

I farted earlier, the 6 year old sighs and says to the 9 month old, "you better get used to that".

playing some music yesterday... "Daddy, who's this?" "Mumblin Deaf Ro" "rumbelin death ro? that's a weird name" "yes, that is a weird name, no it's mumblin deaf ro." "rumbleing death ro?" "no, mum mmm mu mum bil in deaf, de de deaf ffff ro' "mumbln deaf ro?" " that'll do."

Tillie (5) "mammy, what do you call a girls front bottom again?....A foot china?" ....much sniggering from parents, which then prompted both kids to dance around shouting "FOOTCHINA, FOOTCHINA, FOOTCHINA, FOOTCHINA, FOOTCHINA, FOOTCHINA!....."

"the question's too hard! ask me a symbol one."

"do you want to see my ice skating french dance with the babies rattle?" "you bet I do!" "I'll show you tomorrow."

reminds of Sundays tantrum- "No Daddy, I'M THE RULES!"

n-"Daddy, you know what I want to be on the first day I'm a grown up" me- "a tennis player?" (his last aspiration) n- "no, a Snooker Driver." me- (look of confusion) n- 'eh..is that something?' me- '...not really, it's just two words together' n- ' you know, like this' (holds his breath...

"daddy, which is faster, humans or numbers?"

"daddy, we get loads of holidays now.....christmas, easter, mammy's day, daddy's day...and french patricks day." "Who?" "French Patrick, the guy with the green hat."

While walking home from the school drop off with tillie this morning.. "look Tillie, there's chloe's mum (tillie's friend), what's her name?" "Michael Jackson?"

:) Excellent

had a week of the kids being a little more crazy than usual, lots of tantrums/fighting etc. So got up yesterday with a plan to restore order. Got the kids together, produced a large box and explained that toys would be confiscated for a week every time they're bold. They'll get one warning and...

"daddy, why's yoda so small?" "... well i think all the people from his planet are that size." "what's his planet called?" " I don't know..." "maybe it's South America."

"Daddy, i've done 'an american'" "emm...ok, what do you mean, what's 'an american'? "come on, i'll show you...." as it turns out, 'an american' was actually diarrhoea. 'noah, do you know what american means?' 'no. I just forgot the word' By the end of the evening it had entered the...

this morning: me: 'morning tillie, what happened last night, you woke up, did you have a bad dream?' t: 'i had a nightbear'

mrs bravo: "noah please stop touching your willy! do you need to go toilet or something?" n: "no, ...i can't help myself" me: "i know how you feel son" da dum tish!