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I had Melt Banana playing on my phone the other day and the 3 year old said "Daddy, your phone's broken" Then, after a few minutes "I like your noisy phone"

'I like the truck CD. It's loud and they go "RAAAAAARRR!"'

Well? Do you?

"Daddy, put on the truck CD" It's Hazardous Mutation by Municipal Waste |..|

I'd left the Sunday Times on the couch yesterday morning. The 3 year old points at the woman on the cover of the Style magazine: "Why's she so serious?" Me: "I don't know" Him: "Maybe she needs breakfast" And it was true, she did look like she needed a decent meal.

My wife brought the 2 kids to the park yesterday. She took out a ball for the 3 year old to play with and straight away he started shouting "Yay, Team Sports!" and then running around with the ball shouting "Go Team!"

Was trying to get the 3 year old to bed yesterday. He was doing his whole stalling and delaying thing. Patience was starting to wear thin for myself. He must have realized because he pointed at me and said "Don't say 'For fuck sake'"

Brought the 3 year old to Arifield House. The highlight for him was a small hill that he spent about 30 minutes running up and down. At one point he shouted "Oh, I'll sleep tonight"

Him, pointing at a bottle of shampoo earlier: "This says 'I like farting'"

We've toilet trained our young lad so he keeps telling us what his poo looks like. "Ooh, a rocket ship poo" or "Look, a snake poo" or "It's a carrot poo daddy"

Conversation between my 2.5 year old and my wife. Kid: Mammy, you don't have a penis Wife: That's true, I don't. K: I'll buy you one. In the shop. W: Um, thanks. K: (Handing over imaginary penis) Here you go Mammy. W: Um, thanks. K: Put it on already

Aye, he's about 2 and a half now. Can't imagine him having the patience for a non illustrated book but I could be surprised

Stupid question but is there a toddler version of the Hobbit about? I'd say my young lad'd like it

My son now has a pretty thick north dublin accent. He's started adding on an extra syllable to words like train and nine.

Our 2 year old keeps trying to breast feed his little sister's Minnie Mouse doll

Was in my parents' house over the weekend. My 2 year old kept walking over to where my mam was sitting and farting really loudly. Then he'd point at her saying "Granny farts" before walking off again. I've thought him well

Yeah, they're kind of both hilarious and enfuriating. And they also say stuff like that which sounds bad taken out of context. Like one night I was sleeping in his room because he was sick. His temerature was up during the night so I gave him paralink. The first thing he did next morning when my...

It's like we're living the same life.

So I can still get away with it for another 2 years

I was thinking that when my 2 are old enough I'd probably do the same. Let them eat so much that they get sick and never want to do it again. But then I remembered that the last time I went on the piss I had to get the taxi home to pull over so I could throw up. So I figure if I'm not smart...