done. i'll never need to buy a screw again. a conservative estimate would be that i've removed 400 or 500 of them.
it was impressively put together - looks like the thing was assembled as a whole and then slid into place, so the majority of screws were never going to be available to me without some judicial persuasion.
![Season 3 Nbc GIF by The Office Season 3 Nbc GIF by The Office](/bbs/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia2.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2FesR1eKgmOnxWKR627f%2F200.gif&hash=2cf2864f823c1af33de65cb6b02697a6)