When the Neighbour's Kid Won't Go Home (1 Viewer)

Jim Daniels

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The sister has two kids aged 5 and 4. The neighbours kid, aged 6, has become their friend, and is spending all of his time in her house. She likes him well enough, but he's a bit rough and uses bad language, much to the awe of the 4 year old.. He's a bit of a handful and she is, to all intents and purposes, babysitting this kid for hours everyday. The kid's mam works, but the Dad is a stay-at-home dad. Last week for instance, he called over at 10.00 am and didn't leave until 7.00 pm. His Dad said to "just send him home whenever he starts driving you mad", but he doesn't come and collect him, and definitely doesn' seem to mind his six year old being out of his hair all day.

Eloise (not her real name) does not really want to just tell the kid to go home. She has tried this nicely (its family time now - we're having our tea), but he refuses and says he'll wait. When she doesn't answer the door, he shouts "I know you're in there" through the letterbox! Or else, just comes around into the back garden. Eloise (not even her middle name) doesn't want to upset the kid by being firm and telling him to leave, or cause conflict with the neighbour, by saying "I'm not a bleedin baby-sitter for your kid"! She doesn't particularly want her own kids to spend time over in his gaff, cause he just plays really violent playstation games!

The parents seem fine otherwise. They've just had a new baby - so the young-fella might be feeling a bit neglected.

So what does she do? Its a bit of a pickle.
 
Move house.

A woman I used to work with ended up doing this, when she couldn't cope with her middle aged neighbour calling over constantly - within 15 mins of her getting home from work etc. Your one was probably lonely, and probably thought my work colleague was lonely too, but still...
 
alternatively -

Your sister is just going to have to man up and set some boundaries. It's not the 6 year old's fault - he's just a kid, so she needs to take it up with the father. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her not wanting to make the kid feel rejected by kicking him out, but his father needs to understand that too & start taking responsibility. If she doesn't mind the kid being in her house for an hour or two then great -but that's what the father needs to be told. It's not up to her to send the kid home, but if the father has explained to his son that he can only stay a little while then she's not actually kicking the kid out when she reminds him he's expected home.

Then there's the question of why the kid is so keen on being in her house instead of his own. The shouting through the letter box is a bit... extreme. Good luck raising that one with a parent.

Oh and one other (obvious) thing she shouldn't do is talk to the kids mother about it first, even if it seems easier. Would she talk to the father if it was the mother at home all day?

FINALLY - Male or female, being at home all day with a new baby is NOT easy. Perfectly rational people are reduced to emotional wrecks by the constant demands, the worrying and the lack of sleep, so tread carefully. Newborns have a knack of taking up every minute of the day to the detriment of everything else.
 
Pete! Thats really good advice - especialy about the not talking to the Mother first. She realises that she has to speak with the Dad and set the record straight -it's just finding the right thing to say. He should know better, and probably does. It's the old chestnut -she knows that he knows that she knows that he knows he's takin' the piss.

Edit: She doesn't thing anything untoward is going on in the kid's home. He was an only child for 6 years and I suppose had nobody to play with at home. Now there's a new arrival and he's possibly even getting less attention. Also, his best friend - another 6 year old on the street, has been away on holidays for a few weeks.
 
Newborns are like black holes for attention. When the stress starts piling up, anything that's fending for itself & not demanding attention gets left to its own devices. But unless he's completely unreasonable I'm sure he'll understand. There's no reason why it can't be addressed without it becoming A THING.

Sure the kids will be back in school soon anyway. Problem: solved.

Or she could just move.
 
In Lunyoro (Banyoro) there is a proverb that says "Omwana takulila nju emoi," whose literal translation is "A child does not grow up only in a single home."

In Kihaya (Bahaya) there is a saying, "Omwana taba womoi," which translates as "A child belongs not to one parent or home."

In Kijita (Wajita) there is a proverb which says "Omwana ni wa bhone," meaning regardless of a child's biological parent(s) its upbringing belongs to the community.

In Kiswahili the proverb "Asiyefunzwa na mamae hufunzwa na ulimwengu" approximates to the same.

just tell your sister it takes a village to raise a child and she's just going to have to deal with it.
 
My sister in law routinely has half the kids on the road in her house playing with her children. She even brings them along to the park, the beach etc. as she's a very welcoming and generous person. But when she decides enough is enough she sends them home. It's her gaff, she's the adult and she doesn't give a reason when she tells them to leave.

He's not her kid and she has no responsibility for him, so if she doesn't want him there at certain times than she just has to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he has to go home to his own house and he can come back later/tomorrow. The kid will just have to accept it. I don't think there's any reason to speak to the father.
 
My sister in law routinely has half the kids on the road in her house playing with her children. She even brings them along to the park, the beach etc. as she's a very welcoming and generous person. But when she decides enough is enough she sends them home. It's her gaff, she's the adult and she doesn't give a reason when she tells them to leave.

He's not her kid and she has no responsibility for him, so if she doesn't want him there at certain times than she just has to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he has to go home to his own house and he can come back later/tomorrow. The kid will just have to accept it. I don't think there's any reason to speak to the father.

Yeah, of course you're right, being firm is all part of being a parent. But she doesn't really want to send him off unaccompanied either, in case God forbid he never made it.. even though he is local. The father needs to cop on to his head.

She loves kids by the way and is really good with them (even firm when she has to be) and often has several around for long periods. This situation is just getting to her a bit..
 
Is he coming round to the house by himself in the morning or is the Da with him?


He usually just calls over by himself, so its probably not a major issue.They live in a quiet enough spot, more or less across the road from each other. But still, he's just 6, is that old enough to let your kids out on their own these days? It was when I was that age, but different times..

I'm sure it will sort itself out!
 
If his da is letting him come over on his own then he can go home on his own. If she's a worrier like me then get the dads number and text or ring whenshe's sending him home.
 
I used to do this to another family when i was a kid, i was always round there. I forget how it got sorted, i think they just sorta made me feel unwelcome and so i stopped wanting to go there. that might be another option.
 
We have some kids that used to stay for ever if let. From day 1 it was "ok it's our dinner time now, you have to go" or something like that. They were ok with it.
 

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