Lord Damian
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unwanted contact with ex's (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter smallbrownbear
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- Replies 54
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in all seriousness, keep up the ignoring-him routine for as long as humanly possible. a friend of mine had unwanted attention from a guy earlier this year and any time she reacted, he would up his hassling-quota. not nice. he eventually got the message but it was a miserable time for her.
other than that, i reckon people like women's aid would be able to give some practical advice - in saying this, i'm assuming you're a lady and not a gaybo
other than that, i reckon people like women's aid would be able to give some practical advice - in saying this, i'm assuming you're a lady and not a gaybo
oh shit
Well-Known Member
- Thread starter
- #24
smallbrownbear
New Member
errr...if i was a man i'd probably be a gaybo, but i'm neither see.
for sure i'll keep on keeping on with the ignoring route for the moment. it's not that i feel he's a physical threat. it's the constant reminder of his existence haranguing me and tying me to the past that's really trying. it's like he just wont let me forget, and i REALLY want to forget.
thanks to all for useful advice, and to those who's plain sucked... but made me laugh
for sure i'll keep on keeping on with the ignoring route for the moment. it's not that i feel he's a physical threat. it's the constant reminder of his existence haranguing me and tying me to the past that's really trying. it's like he just wont let me forget, and i REALLY want to forget.
thanks to all for useful advice, and to those who's plain sucked... but made me laugh
snakybus
Well-Known Member
fuck sake, don't ignore him, he deserves an answer at least
just tell him you're not interested
just tell him you're not interested
Lord Damian
New Member
i'm actually inclined to agree, for what it's worth. although it HAS been 10 years, and i'm assuming that means 10 years worth of "i'm not interested". i guess at this stage of the game you might want to invoke a threat of legal proceedings if you feel you're being harassed. breakups suck, but if he's not flippo he'll understand that you mean business and move on. if he doesn't, get the cops or whoever involved, don't mess around.snakybus said:
sorry if i've repeated other folks' advice here.
jane
Well-Known Member
Oh, smallbrownbear, that really sucks. I had a situation with an ex that went on for years, though clearly much different from yours, since 10 years is extreme by anyone's measure -- for me, the worst of it was concentrated around the first few years after we broke up.
The guy called me and left fucked-up messages up to ten times a day, followed me places, once tried to start a fight with someone because he wouldn't tell him where I was living (because this weirdo had driven 300 miles to the town where he thought I was, only to find out I didn't live anywhere near there). He also had an uncanny knack of being able to get my phone number no matter how often I changed it. Once, I went away for a few weeks, and my flatmate and I got a new phone number while I was gone. The DAY I got back, this guy called me, and I was like, "How did you get this number?" And he said, "You gave it to me," which was funny because I didn't even know it myself yet. I got mysterious phone calls for a few years, and so -- charmingly -- did my parents.
What finally worked in the end was that I realised if I actually took his calls, he'd get bored and not call again for ages, but if I ignored him, he'd call repeatedly and be a bit of a pain. It all fizzled out after about four or five years, and eventually ended completely a couple of years ago. Definite closure issues with him, but it did go away.
I knew this guy was probably not a danger, and, like a spider, was more scared of me than I was of him. Just responding a little, and being subtle but firm seemed to work. Of course, it definitely helped that I left the country indefinitely. I guess I still worry a little about what would happen if I saw him again, but I imagine I would just say hello, have some banal chit-chat, and be on my way. Again, though, I live in a different country now, and I imagine that by this time, he's gotten some closure, and maybe met a nice lady and had a few babies or something. This may be too risky for you, though.
But if you think there is ANY chance that this fella poses a threat, and being firm with him doesn't work, you might want to let him know that what he's doing, while it might seem like the innocent act of a lovesick manchild, is not legal, and if he can't get the message, you are going to have no other choice. I know you probably don't want to hurt his feelings, or take measures that seem too extreme, but if there is no way to get him to back off, then you should make protecting yourself from his harassment your top priority, and sod his feelings. After all, by continuing to bother you despite your lack of interest, your feelings are certainly far from his mind.
In other words: what everyone else has just said. But be safe, smallbrownbear! Your sanity comes first, and you have no obligation to him whatsoever.
The guy called me and left fucked-up messages up to ten times a day, followed me places, once tried to start a fight with someone because he wouldn't tell him where I was living (because this weirdo had driven 300 miles to the town where he thought I was, only to find out I didn't live anywhere near there). He also had an uncanny knack of being able to get my phone number no matter how often I changed it. Once, I went away for a few weeks, and my flatmate and I got a new phone number while I was gone. The DAY I got back, this guy called me, and I was like, "How did you get this number?" And he said, "You gave it to me," which was funny because I didn't even know it myself yet. I got mysterious phone calls for a few years, and so -- charmingly -- did my parents.
What finally worked in the end was that I realised if I actually took his calls, he'd get bored and not call again for ages, but if I ignored him, he'd call repeatedly and be a bit of a pain. It all fizzled out after about four or five years, and eventually ended completely a couple of years ago. Definite closure issues with him, but it did go away.
I knew this guy was probably not a danger, and, like a spider, was more scared of me than I was of him. Just responding a little, and being subtle but firm seemed to work. Of course, it definitely helped that I left the country indefinitely. I guess I still worry a little about what would happen if I saw him again, but I imagine I would just say hello, have some banal chit-chat, and be on my way. Again, though, I live in a different country now, and I imagine that by this time, he's gotten some closure, and maybe met a nice lady and had a few babies or something. This may be too risky for you, though.
But if you think there is ANY chance that this fella poses a threat, and being firm with him doesn't work, you might want to let him know that what he's doing, while it might seem like the innocent act of a lovesick manchild, is not legal, and if he can't get the message, you are going to have no other choice. I know you probably don't want to hurt his feelings, or take measures that seem too extreme, but if there is no way to get him to back off, then you should make protecting yourself from his harassment your top priority, and sod his feelings. After all, by continuing to bother you despite your lack of interest, your feelings are certainly far from his mind.
In other words: what everyone else has just said. But be safe, smallbrownbear! Your sanity comes first, and you have no obligation to him whatsoever.
La La
i drink your milkshake
tom. said:
moderator..........
ms.b.haven
(Retired)
La La said:
moderator..........
La La
i drink your milkshake
MODERATOR.
ms.b.haven
(Retired)
MING
Did he leave something in your gaf?
Yurn!
New Member
911
"Baby come back to me"
Oh yeah
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
Another night here alone
Staring at the telephone
Willing you to make that call
To bring you backwhere you belong
It's been three hard weeks, baby the longest night
I need to hear your voice
And feel your soft skin by my side
We said things that we shouldn't have
I take back every word
Don't you know I can turn back time
It's only you and I that pay the price
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside i'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
The day that we said goodbye
No holding back the tears we've cried
Searching for the reasons why
We let this love just fade and die
All the riches in the world
All the diamonds and the pearls
I'd give to send the winds of chance
To bring you back to me again
Oh say that we can heal the pain
Turn the spark into a flame
I know that we can bring it nack again
So baby please can't you see I'm down on my knees
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside I'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
Baby, baby, baby...
You're in every, every breath I breathe baby
(baby, baby, baby)
You're in every, every dream I dream baby
(baby, baby, baby)
This time will last forever
Give it all a try, each and each day I pray
Oh girl, yes I pray
Please come back
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside i'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
"Baby come back to me"
Oh yeah
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
Another night here alone
Staring at the telephone
Willing you to make that call
To bring you backwhere you belong
It's been three hard weeks, baby the longest night
I need to hear your voice
And feel your soft skin by my side
We said things that we shouldn't have
I take back every word
Don't you know I can turn back time
It's only you and I that pay the price
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside i'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
The day that we said goodbye
No holding back the tears we've cried
Searching for the reasons why
We let this love just fade and die
All the riches in the world
All the diamonds and the pearls
I'd give to send the winds of chance
To bring you back to me again
Oh say that we can heal the pain
Turn the spark into a flame
I know that we can bring it nack again
So baby please can't you see I'm down on my knees
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside I'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
Baby, baby, baby...
You're in every, every breath I breathe baby
(baby, baby, baby)
You're in every, every dream I dream baby
(baby, baby, baby)
This time will last forever
Give it all a try, each and each day I pray
Oh girl, yes I pray
Please come back
Baby come back to me
Remember how it used to be
Without you I'm incomplete
I feel the pain with every heartbeat
Baby come back to me
Inside i'm dying piece by piece
Paradise is just out of reach
Baby won't you please come back to me
- Thread starter
- #34
smallbrownbear
New Member
snaky, he's had it in no uncertain terms that i don't want to hear from him.
i'm a straight talking - direct - up front - feet on the ground person and i left him with no doubt that i want no contact. and still he persists. he's not as rational as you chuck.
jane, your situation seems incredibly similar...
when we went out he was horribly possessive. he was jealous of everyone and anyone who so much as talked to me. he followed me when i went out. he'd follow fellas i hung around with or went out with before him. he got a chap beaten up in a bar one night because someone said he had been talking to me. worse happend. i left the country to try get away from him. he followed me. he'd turn up behind me in the supermarket. he'd show up where i worked. he found his way into the house i shared with my mates. eventually i moved again, back to ireland and left no trace. i got ex-directory numbers and other than for work had no email, keeping internet use to business transactions only. i have no credit card. i never sign up to anything. you'd have to go out of your way to trace me. except...he rang my parents and pretended to be someone else and they gave him my mobile number. this happend about 3 years ago. he rang a number of times but i didn't answer. he evntually got bored and that was that...until recently when he has turned up in dublin again. he was here last year for a number of months. i lived a shadow life to try and avoid him. on a couple of occaissions i saw him in the street. i know for sure he saw me. he then googled me and found me email address for work. he began emailing me in work shortly after this. he said he saw me, but then thought better of contact. he emails me and texts me and tells me about 'stuff' in his life. this 'stuff' in no way relates to me. i feel some of this 'stuff' probably isn't even genuine and he is using these tales to try the sympathy line. he's not abusive in his content. but i find this contact disturbing because of who he is, and what happend between us and that he can't just leave me be. i want to move on and away form all of this. but i can't keep playing cat and mouse. what's the point of emigrating when i know he'll find me somehow. he's like an albatros tied to me.
before someone says it, i'm not going to change my moblie number as his texts record his contact, and also where he is [which i actually find comfort in knowing]. i can't change my work email address, but i have let our IT people know about this unwanted attention and they are great.
i have told family, friends and colleagues so everyone knows what the story is. i keep a record of all contact. i let one or two people know what he has sent me and what was said.
so what now? well i guess that's what i'm trying to decide.
1. do i contact him to tell him again, that i don't want any contact
and this way risk opening up a bigger can o worms
2. or do i just keep track of his contact and maybe take the legal route
i'm persisting with the second for the moment
not least because it's the safest and logical route, and mainly beacuse i'm trying hard to protect what i have and those around me
i'm a straight talking - direct - up front - feet on the ground person and i left him with no doubt that i want no contact. and still he persists. he's not as rational as you chuck.
jane, your situation seems incredibly similar...
when we went out he was horribly possessive. he was jealous of everyone and anyone who so much as talked to me. he followed me when i went out. he'd follow fellas i hung around with or went out with before him. he got a chap beaten up in a bar one night because someone said he had been talking to me. worse happend. i left the country to try get away from him. he followed me. he'd turn up behind me in the supermarket. he'd show up where i worked. he found his way into the house i shared with my mates. eventually i moved again, back to ireland and left no trace. i got ex-directory numbers and other than for work had no email, keeping internet use to business transactions only. i have no credit card. i never sign up to anything. you'd have to go out of your way to trace me. except...he rang my parents and pretended to be someone else and they gave him my mobile number. this happend about 3 years ago. he rang a number of times but i didn't answer. he evntually got bored and that was that...until recently when he has turned up in dublin again. he was here last year for a number of months. i lived a shadow life to try and avoid him. on a couple of occaissions i saw him in the street. i know for sure he saw me. he then googled me and found me email address for work. he began emailing me in work shortly after this. he said he saw me, but then thought better of contact. he emails me and texts me and tells me about 'stuff' in his life. this 'stuff' in no way relates to me. i feel some of this 'stuff' probably isn't even genuine and he is using these tales to try the sympathy line. he's not abusive in his content. but i find this contact disturbing because of who he is, and what happend between us and that he can't just leave me be. i want to move on and away form all of this. but i can't keep playing cat and mouse. what's the point of emigrating when i know he'll find me somehow. he's like an albatros tied to me.
before someone says it, i'm not going to change my moblie number as his texts record his contact, and also where he is [which i actually find comfort in knowing]. i can't change my work email address, but i have let our IT people know about this unwanted attention and they are great.
i have told family, friends and colleagues so everyone knows what the story is. i keep a record of all contact. i let one or two people know what he has sent me and what was said.
so what now? well i guess that's what i'm trying to decide.
1. do i contact him to tell him again, that i don't want any contact
and this way risk opening up a bigger can o worms
2. or do i just keep track of his contact and maybe take the legal route
i'm persisting with the second for the moment
not least because it's the safest and logical route, and mainly beacuse i'm trying hard to protect what i have and those around me
La La
i drink your milkshake
shit, he sounds like a loose unit.
i would suggest getting the police involved at this stage. some people get so fucked up in their heads that if you called him even to tell him to back off, in his mind, you still called him.
best of luck
i would suggest getting the police involved at this stage. some people get so fucked up in their heads that if you called him even to tell him to back off, in his mind, you still called him.
best of luck
ms.b.haven
(Retired)
take the legal route. that guy is a fooking nut job, god knows what he'd do to you next. you poor thing
glen
New Member
He probably just wants a ride - isn't that what all men want?
I had an ex from 10 years ago email me last year, she just wanted to know what I was up to.
I had an ex from 10 years ago email me last year, she just wanted to know what I was up to.
hermie
Well-Known Member
this guy persistent (in the extreme), insecure and sounds dangerous even though you insist he's not.he has to get some sort of message and not from you.take the legal route.good luck
Yurn!
New Member
Blow him away.
george mcfly
My Name Is Prince.
glen said:
hey Glen, what are you up to?
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