Tell me a joke thread (1 Viewer)

[magicbastarder]

i've started using the word 'mucho' in conversation with my spanish friends.
it means a lot to them.

 

[pete]

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[pete]

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[seanc]

Most elephants can actually smell their own ears.

 

[pete]

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[seanc]

I'm comfortable with doing basic steelwork, but I'm not a fabricator. I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

 

[snakybus]

A guy called John Penis goes to a solicitor, wants get his name changed by deed poll.

Solicitor says, sure. What do you want to change it to?

James Penis, says the guy.

 

[Jerry Twig]

“Knock knock”
“Hadron Collider”
“Who’s there?”

 

[seanc]

I was just listening to a very middle class BBC4 panel comedy show.

One of their little parlour games was to describe a movie in the most obtuse way possible. And then the other team has to guess what the movie is.

The movie was "American Graffiti".

So contestant says:
"They've wrecked the garage door writing something UTTERLY obscene"
"My goodness, what did it say?"
"Aluminum"

 

[seanc]

Just now. We asked the barman to change the song, because whatever he was playing was just not right. A bit down.

Alright, he says, but the next song is by Suicide.

Well, I said, suicide, that's one of those once in a lifetime experiences.

I thought it was quite a sharp off-the-cuff remarks.

 

[Anthony]

couldn't think of where else to put this...

Taylor Swift Sued Over Lover Book Design

Author Teresa La Dart accused the singer-songwriter of infringing on her poetry collection of the same name

pitchfork.com

 

[chris d]

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[therealjohnny]

couldn't think of where else to put this...

Taylor Swift Sued Over Lover Book Design

Author Teresa La Dart accused the singer-songwriter of infringing on her poetry collection of the same name

pitchfork.com

chancer

 

[therealjohnny]

me; I bought a gun because of my bird phobia

therapist: you might be getting carried away

me: firing into the ceiling not without a fight

 

[pete]

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[therealjohnny]

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[GO]

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[pete]

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[GO]

Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6.
His statue is 17ft 4.

That’s Horatio of about 3:1

 

[Unknown Convict]

From my 13yo's twisted mind:
Why did the man in the twin towers not like the food?

Spoiler

It was too plain