Stages Of Drunkenness (1 Viewer)

cuntface

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Subject: Hangover Ratings all been there at some stage!!

1 star hangover *

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your slept in your own bed and
when you

woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still
able to

function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka
redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as

parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and
a
side of fries.

2 star hangover * *

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have
the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you hug
to
try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is

raving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour
about
the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all
you
really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing
the
net and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover * * *

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet
and
not so productive. Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because
her/his
perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with
your
alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am. Life
would be

better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a
litre
of coke watching daytime TV. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water,

2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

4 star hangover * * * *

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't
speak
too quickly or else you might spew. Your boss has already lambasted you
for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice
clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you
either

missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your
make-up
on while riding the dodgems (depending on your gender). Your teeth have

their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and
your
hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the second-grade class
picture
circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the following: - Home

time, doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so you
could go
back and NOT have gone out the night before. You scare small children
in the

street just by walking past them.

5 star hangover * * * * *

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the
employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every
pore and

making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to
generate
saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would
take the

last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right
now.
Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that
your
dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in
sick
because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..very
gently.

6 star hangover * * * * * *

You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were

fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep
until
the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has
been
cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No
matter
what you do you now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and
now
find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along
the
skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you
find

the toilet. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before
you
spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your
impersonation of

walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies,
cuddling the

only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly
continuing to
make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at
this
stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your

abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back
to bed

leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your
spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your
body
won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself

inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils projectile out your
mouth on
the last occasion. It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner
getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/He abuses you
again

for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You
reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them

driving you to the hospital. Work is not an option
1 Star Hangover
 

Hector Grey

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Messages
17,090
Originally posted by Latex lizzie
.....pint after in th the turks head. I hear they dink a *crazy* drink there called vodka and red bull..guess who will tot up the figures wrong tomorrow....

i saw you dancing in coppers after, like *insert name* on *insert drug*.

i like that homer simpson tie you wear. it means you're crazy. i like crazy. lets photocopy our arses.
 

krystal

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Since 2000
Joined
Aug 14, 2000
Messages
11,476
Originally posted by Hector Grey
come on lads. lets go GO KARTING.

*mad*


we can't hec, they've demolished the go-kart place in Phibsboro to make way for a complex of luxury apartments

overlooking the Joy

nice
 

Hector Grey

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Since 2000
Joined
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Messages
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Originally posted by kirstie
we can't hec, they've demolished the go-kart place in Phibsboro to make way for a complex of luxury apartments

overlooking the Joy

nice

nothing like the reaffirmation of a paltry 'freedom' to warm the heartles of your cock of a morning.
 

krystal

New Member
Since 2000
Joined
Aug 14, 2000
Messages
11,476
yesh, a paltry freedom you're paying some wankstain landlord 1000 a month for. Freedom me HOOOOW-ELLL.

Speaking of which I have to start flat hunting tonight. Boo hoo
 

Hector Grey

Well-Known Member
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Since 2000
Joined
Dec 31, 2000
Messages
17,090
Originally posted by kirstie
yesh, a paltry freedom you're paying some wankstain landlord 1000 a month for. Freedom me HOOOOW-ELLL.

Speaking of which I have to start flat hunting tonight. Boo hoo

yeah me 2. soon. the chilli kings new gaf fills me with joy, tho. overlooking the thomas house if you don't mind. he can see you having a piss down the lane late of a night, so he can.
 

krystal

New Member
Since 2000
Joined
Aug 14, 2000
Messages
11,476
How come? I thought you lived in charmed domestic bliss with your cat in some suburban locale?
 

krystal

New Member
Since 2000
Joined
Aug 14, 2000
Messages
11,476
Originally posted by cuntface
sounds like fun! wouldnt mind a gaff in town, if only i could afford €600 for a room on georges street

I'd bleedin' hate to live on georgeous st, or in anywhere right in the shitty centre as all anyone you'd met more than once ever would decide that it would be an excellent idea to call into you at 4am every single night, so as to use your couch and drink all your tea. Nope.
 

Hector Grey

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Since 2000
Joined
Dec 31, 2000
Messages
17,090
Originally posted by kirstie
How come? I thought you lived in charmed domestic bliss with your cat in some suburban locale?

lease and that. not for a few months and all. Dave hag is buying me a gaf.
 

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