Office-Speak phrases you hate (1 Viewer)

[David Kronenbourg]

final warning
disciplinary action
gross misconduct
unsettling behaviour

 

[sealed human]

to briefly resurrect this thread, my job have now started to send out 'good news pieces' by email. Basically spam to say that their service is now 5% faster, or some inconsequential detail no one will care about.

And they think that sort of stuff will stop the haemorrhage of money out the door...

 

[theinvisiblerep]

As a side note I hate when this craic spills out into the "real world".

Like when ya'd be in a pub and someone speaks over ya and then interrupts themselves saying "Sorry for cutting across you there".

Its political correctness gone mad.

 

[ann post]

now that everyone is unemployed, this little segway of language should probably evolve a little.

lets tick outside the box (registering for FAS)

 

[Jerry Twig]

Park that idea

 

[pete]

"did you enjoy your three weeks off?"
and
"we've been waiting for you to come back..."

can't wait for Monday.

 

[Kermit McDermott]

"How can we move forward in line with best practice"

Load of fucking waffle

 

[mr pharmacist!!!!1]

"all for one, and one for all"

im not fucking joking.

 

[Unicron]

JUST FUCKING DO IT.

 

[Doctor Muscles]

"do the needful"

In India, like.

 

[blairwitch]

Focus.

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[GO]

You are not eligible for Jobseekers allowance.

 

[Lili Marlene]

"I hope each of you has a sense of excitement and pride for what we are building together"

 

[Squiggle]

You are not eligible for Jobseekers allowance.

I know, but at least you managed to get a response out of them. My fella has been waiting for them to bother their arses responding to him since the end of January.

 

[GO]

I know, but at least you managed to get a response out of them. My fella has been waiting for them to bother their arses responding to him since the end of January.

SUPER OUCH

 

[Squiggle]

Anyway, on topic:
"confirm that {whatever} has been actioned"
anything involving the use of the word consultation

 

[Super Dexta]

"do the needful"

In India, like.

apparently that's actually a total burn when an Indian says it, especially if they say "Kindly do the needful".

anyway this thread is getting a hup because we switched to lean development. the methodology is fine but the waffle is shocking. four pillars of lean. go gemba. JIT. takts. the push principle. pulling the string, or the rope or something.

and the DIAGRAMS. i still don't know what happens when the wheel of continuous improvement gets to the top of the hill of time.

oh and one-on-ones are now 1:2:1s.

 

[billygannon]

I see some pushback on the lean development front.

apparently that's actually a total burn when an Indian says it, especially if they say "Kindly do the needful".

anyway this thread is getting a hup because we switched to lean development. the methodology is fine but the waffle is shocking. four pillars of lean. go gemba. JIT. takts. the push principle. pulling the string, or the rope or something.

and the DIAGRAMS. i still don't know what happens when the wheel of continuous improvement gets to the top of the hill of time.

oh and one-on-ones are now 1:2:1s.

What I've found is you come across a word or short phrase which aptly describes something. You say this to a boss or colleague. Then shortly after you'll notice this word or phrase being used elsewhere - often in a totally inappropriate way.

Anyone have any bosses who have read Sun Tzu's Art of War? I love the military references in businesses - "this is mission critical". I mean, for fuck's sake, you're doing a data quality project - it's not the fucking Somme.

 

[rettucs]

we switched to lean development. the methodology is fine but the waffle is shocking.

You should try the interative model where everyone huddles at 2pm everyday for a 'scrum'.

shocking

 

[Goodbye]

Just read this whole thread in one sitting.

I'm reminded of a job I took out of desperation where once I was called into a conference call where the boss was away & wanted to check how everyone was doing - He asked me how I was getting on with a project that I'd never heard of until that moment. I answered using bullshit buzz words that I heard him use before like "blue sky" & "going forward" he said great, & moved on to the next guy.
To this day I have no idea what that project was or what I was supposed to do...

In the same place someone actually asked for something "cob" off me...

I don't work there anymore.