If I owned a pub I would... (1 Viewer)

what ann post is saying, isa bunch of this
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They wouldn't let us in to the Coyote Ugly in Las Vegas.

bleedin.
 
super crazy idea would be to put small wooden bowls of salty fresh popped popcorn on the bar. I think I was the first to do it in Ireland back in November for my son's 18th. Went down a treat, but didn't last past the day after his birthday, once we finished off the popcorn. Fuck the Hot Nuts. Shake things up. Country folk love to think they're getting something for nothing, especially when they're paying you e4.00/pint.
 
For me to drink there (you don't want this by the way I'm a notorious whiskey sneaker) all you need is to

Keep your prices down as low as you can, fuck craft beer unless the profit margin is really good for you, if it's not then fuck it, it's too expensive in most places to interest me and to be fair most of it is undrinkable after the first two. Get Tuborg Gold on tap if possible or Red Stripe. Have bottles of Augustiener there too. Sell bucky.

Get 4 TVs so that you can show all the champions league matches at the same time during the group stages, and have one seat from which you can see all 4. My local here has this, you have to get there at the crack of fucking dawn to get that seat though.

Stock your jukebox with music you like and make it cheap if you want people to actually use it. If you can't then get your spotify account or whatever and take requests (within reason). A bar in Brighton did this and it was class.

There is nothing worse than putting on a tune only to see the bar staff shooting eye daggers at you because they hate that song and have to listen to it 15 fucking times a day. And play it at a volume that's loud enough that you can enjoy it without having to shout over it.

Be warm, really fucking warm, cozy to the point of having to strip. No one wants a cold beer while cold. Heated Smoking area if you can, if you can't t least make sure it's covered from the rain. If all else fails get some umbrellas printed up and just ask the punters to return them. That actually works I was in a bar here that had that and people didn't steal them, no seriously.

Beer mats, loads of them you can't get one to save your fucking life in my local, or anywhere else in London for that matter it's fucking horrible. When I got here first and could afford to go drinking all day I had a rash on my elbows from leaning in a puddle of beer.

Get really good at pulling pints quickly. Nothing should be available at a bar that takes longer to make than it takes to pull a pint of Guiness. So Mojitos, fuck off.

If you have live music then go full on and have live music. If you get noise complaints either only book quiet bands or just don't have live music at all. There is nothing worse than the owner coming up to a band and asking them to turn the volume down. It's like asking a comedian not to make jokes about religion or politics etc.

Most importantly. Smell good. Piss is not a smell you want on your clothes after a night out. Unless you're into that sort of thing
 
I have a cousin who owns/runs a rural pub. He does ok out of it because he uses his head to give the people what they want. Some of the stuff hes done;

- sponsor one or two kids teams in the local GAA club. This isn't as expensive as it sounds. It involves giving them a few quid towards a set of jerseys and maybe have the team over to the pub after a game or 2 and put on soup and sandwiches for the parents and coke and crisps for the kids. The goodwill you get from this will be huge.

You can go for an adults team and you might get them back drinking in the pub after games but the cost might be a little more as adult teams have more needs

- get a dartboard

- get a pooltable

- diddley-idle music once or twice a week, including an impromptu music might where locals are encouraged to just turn up with their tin whistles and play together

- sports on the telly is a must. Its pricey but your competition will have it so you'll need it to keep people coming

- try and organise some kind of car pooling service so people don't have to worry about getting to/from the pub. This might involve making a deal with a local hackney company, or even just some local lad who has a minibus. The big problem with rural pubs is that people can't drink and drive anymore. Eventually, if finances permit, get your own 7-seater and do the rounds after closing (my cousin does this every night - he'll collect people and return them home after).
 
All in the plans. Already studying the rules of the road. Everyone thought I was joking when I said I wanted to move to the country. I have done serious research in the last year. I was at a pub last night and all the talk at the bar was the sale of 'my' pub. They already knew how much it went for but not who bought it. I just ordered my drink, smiled and walked back to my table. Welcome to the country!
 
So all the advice so far is to open the most generic country pub in existence? Is this not the reason it closed in the first place?
 

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