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My son (10) to his classmates: "I don't really want to grow up." Squeaky voiced nerd friend does a finger-gun right in his face: "PUBERTY HAS OTHER IDEAS."

This is Prick Island

Once we went on holidays and got the kids to pack. Got to France, youngest daughter had a backpack full of her teddies.

There were also correlations with facial hair and dancing styles. Science, man.

That's the bookshelf of a man who wants to win arguments on the Internet, is what that is. :D Actually, when I was a kid we had a copy of Mein Kampf in the house at some point. Not sure what happened to it. It was all printed in that Germanic rune-like print. Also, it had Hitler's signature...

"What's an erection? Seriously, nobody will tell me." Me: "ThatroominthereisaamessgotidyitNOW."

Singing to TMBG: "Take me back to Constantinocchio".

"I like dry mud 90%, but I like wet mud 100%"

DADDY DADDY! WHAT? WHAT? My toe is stuck in the carpet. (11)

"Uhhhh! I have to do EVERYTHING" when asked to pick up something. He's 3. He never has to do anything.

Meant to be Moher, @Diddles Another today: "Do piranhas like lollipops?"

"I had a dream that Anna fell off the Cliffs of Mohawk."

"I love him more than a thousand banjos" "She has big lips. And she's weird, she puts ketchup on her scrambled eggs" - reasons for not being friends with someone.

Anna: "Daddy, have you heard of a 90s song called 'Where's me jumpa'"?

Lois, holding up this: "were these our grandparents?"

After being at a home for adults with special needs. Lois: There was one lady there, and her back didn't work, AND her brain didn't work. So there was TWO things wrong with her!

Watching Peppa Pig. Me: Do you think I'm like Daddy Pig? Lois: No Me: Why not? Lois: Because you're not a pig.

In a conversation about our upcoming 10-year anniversary: Lois: "When are you gonna break up?"

Lots of Enid Blyton going on in our house at the moment: Lois "Daddy, you're a brick" (I thought it was something else for a minute) Nora "Nina is a good sort!"

Anna (5) I want to marry Sky when I grow up Who's Sky? She's in 5th class She's a girl? Yeah, she's my friend You can't marry a girl. I thought you wanted to marry me. It's okay for two girls to get married. Marte's mummy is getting married to another lady. She is? Yeah I had no idea. So can I...