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the 9yo on whether he should have the last bagel or leave it for his big sister - "She can have it. I just can't be arsed dealing with her."

I only discovered this last week.

I miss those days. Now the gibberish is centred on Love Island.

child #1 "your shoes look like something grandad wears" child #2 "what are those lines on your forehead?" THANKS KIDS

Funko Pop vinyl figures?

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" He's 8. I was so surprised/proud I can't even remember what I said that he was responding to.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Snooty

"the cops ruin everything" (while watching a youtube video of "a car made from lego" being pulled over.

"What's the pope?"

"Why are all the good guys in The Black Panther brown?"

“Nothing matters when you’re dead. So nothing matters.”

“Logan Paul was banned from YouTube because he laughed at a dead body” He’s FIVE.

Bringing the boy to swimming this morning “What’s that?” “What?” “The song on the radio” “That’s ‘Becoming a Jackal’. Do you like it?” “”No... I HATE it. It sounds like an IDIOT is singing it.”

“I’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE PEANUT”

"EVERYTHING IS SO UNFAIR" - 9 year old teenager

Fucked if i know where.

The 4 year old, sitting on the floor in his granny's house, right after BBC News covered the Colombian mud slide story & darcus howe's death was announced. "Ahh FUCK why do they have to keep telling us all this bad stuff?"

he just corrected me on the difference between a pentagon and a hexagon. I may be out of my depth here.

The 3 year old: "Daddy is a dumb ask. A. Dumb. Ask."

Son: where's the thing I bought for nana on holidays? Me: The brooch? Son: yeah! The cockroach! Me: it's not a cockroach it's a brooch! Son: yeah! The cock brooch! Me: BROOCH Son: COCK BROOCH