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We could get Grimes to do it.

Or say your prayers.

Cry wanking used to be the go to suggestion on this site.

Sent a package to the Shtates, standard post. €28 for €20 worth of tat.

Wish you'd made the video.

The power button on my phone seems borked. I looked up a YT video on how to fix it. The first thing yer man says is something like "Just take a heat gun..."

There you are now.

I can im-prove on this.

70+ emails before lunch of a Friday.

I find it was I've got to the age where it is only socially acceptable to dance at things like my nieces' weddings or the Queen of England's passing.

I've basically had a cough for all of 2022 so far.

That creepy Permanent TSB ad that leads you to believe your wan is riding the mortgage broker.

Solicitors should be called soliciturds.

The server thinks the file I need to edit urgently is checked out for editing to... Me.

Insect bites all over my legs and back.

Other than the Kremlin and a couple of clubs, Belfast closes at 1am on a Friday and Saturday. Takeaways etc aren't really open late either. Businesses all over the north seem to open more limited hours, including the Sabbath.

Belfast closes wild early.

Bum gravy

I've sneezed approximately 50 times so far today.

One of my discs or my hip is bollocksed. :(