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My first drink with mates was at 12 but I hung in there till 16 before getting drunk. Very much the last of the gang though.

I've got an adorable nephew and niece who can accompany me.

Boring fact but that song was co-written with professional songwriters who work with the likes of Lorde and Kelly Clarkson so maybe there's some secret ingredient old people like us can't hear. It's still hilarious though, maybe this is like 12 year olds getting into Phil Collins in 1982? Phil...