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My six year old: “I know I came out of your penis, mom” My wife: “I don’t have a penis” 6yo: “Oh yeah, I mean your bagina.” As a biologist, I feel like I’ve failed him.

5yo: “Dad, do your taste bugs change on your birthday?”

Didn’t realise it was a colloquialism - I just took it as a standard English phrase. I’ll be giving out about this all day.

As in to complain?

“Psycho Killer” by Talking Heads came on in the car and my four year old asks me earnestly: “Is this “Leper War”?”

Our Ace’s full name is Ace Facebreaker.

Is his real name Brian and is he a photographer? Because if so, I know him. And if not, there’s two of them out there.

Amazing!

Not a quote but went in to the 3yo's room last night to find her fast asleep in her bed. But also she was curled into her laundry bin and clutching a PS3 controller (which hasn't been charged in about 2 years).

3yo girl: “English people have different rules, they have English rules. And they don’t have treats, they have English treats.” There you go.

“What do you want for Christmas?” “Danger!”

Oh wow, making a self-coined nickname catch on is some feat!

While listening to Keiji Haino: 2yo: What’s that, Daddy? Me: It’s Keiji Haino. 2yo: He’s fighting. Me: Is he? 2yo: Yeah, Ango Bango is fighting with his mommy.

Text from my 10 month old: Grrmrhyihvf v uaxj g

Sow as in seeds, not sow as in female pig, otherwise the joke doesn't work.

Farmer Christmas says "Sow, sow, sow".

Emo.

I think there's an illustrated version that is more in the style of a comic (not the full text of the book) that might be fit for purpose?