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Did it wake you up on time ? You should be thanking it.

Oh yeah I did that recently it's fucking amazing.

Makes sense, but it's redundant now since the penalty taker just get's a two yard head start.

Yea Yeah Bernie. You are also a monster. Keep tweeting though.

That's because you're a fucking monster. In football it's the curved line at the top of the eighteen yard line. It's football pitch markings appendix. No one knows what the fuck it's there for. In Snooker it's basically the same but has a purpose In Anatomy it's a penis. Has this been...

Fuck sake Thumped

Just wash your hair with white spirits.;)

Me too. They should all go without saying though especially the checking your phone while someone is talking to you. "So yeah obviously my family's really torn up by all of this it's a huge burden and" Beep beep Person checks phone "I'm sorry is my existence interfering with your phones...

Man up, pussy.

And there like "it's better than your's"

What are they watching ? Just casually ruin the ending for them like my Da does. "What's that you're watching ? "Die Hard" "Oh right, have I seen that....." he stares at the screen for a while, squinting "Oh yeah he throws yer man out the window at the end. It's pretty cool actually...

Girls like assholes, women settle for assholes. Anyway. Went on holiday for 11 days, got back and a leaky tank in the attic destroyed our bedroom floor and ceiling. Called a plumber who came out looked at the situation and went "Hmmmm ? what's that doing there ?" He's coming back to remove the...

It's 33 degrees where I am. I'm dying.

Misandry in action.

Have you planned what to do with all the food when it pisses rain and no one shows ?

You mean there wasn't a cop posted outside The Pop Inn to intimidate their patrons at the time ? Typical the one fucking time there's a fucking crime. It was probably the kid on the bike.

Where did this happen ? any CCTV ?

I opened a press, the measuring jug fell out knocking my lady's cup into the sink breaking in in half and the jugs nozzle snapped off. I didn't get a job I interviewed for. It's going to be 26 degrees on average for the next week. The heat is making me itchy. My job is bullshit. I'm a big...

I don't know what it is that's in here (probably tiger) but it soothes the pain and knocks me out. Maybe you could get your 15 year younger toy boy to rub it in for you.

This one you can do.