Tell me a joke thread (2 Viewers)

[seanc]

A dung beetle walks into a bar, looks at a bunch of regulars and asks "can I have this stool?".

 

[pete]

Dgar (@[email protected])

Dogs can’t have MRIs. But cats can.

aus.social

 

[Cornu Ammonis]

Dgar (@[email protected])

Dogs can’t have MRIs. But cats can.

aus.social

Dogs get lab tests.

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[seanc]

Not really a joke, more a template.

But a European friend, who has lived here for decades, and her English is extremely good, she just realised that what she wanted to say was "self-deprecating". She is fond of the phrase, and fairplay to her.


But for two decades, she has been saying "self-defecating".
In job interviews, blind dates etc.

 

[magicbastarder]

it'd be great if that big tesco near finglas had a facelift, and they got a popular RTE music DJ to perform the reopening ceremony.
Creedon's Clearwater Revival.

 

[Scientician 0.8]

it'd be great if that big tesco near finglas had a facelift, and they got a popular RTE music DJ to perform the reopening ceremony.
Creedon's Clearwater Revival.

Off to Twitter to swipe this.

 

[magicbastarder]

not before i do! that's one of mine.

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[seanc]

One of the neighbours appeared in the living room with some post for the skipper. Skipper being a double leg amputee who had been a bit ill, the neighbours have been helpful. He took some interest in an angle grinder that was sitting, as yet unrepaired, on the kitchen table. Skipper also has wild ideas about how to fix things. He's too smart for the world.

So what you going to do with that angle grinder? asks neighbour.
"It's fine, but I might just wire it up to a foot pedal". Which is daft, but it's the kind of thing he'd do.

Silence. There's a lot to process here. Then:

Neighbour says "Don't you need feet for a foot pedal?"

I didn't know where to look. but skipper took it well.

It's not a joke, but didn't know where else to put it. Plus this thread rulesz.

edit: he was repairing this grinder for someone else.

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[pete]

10/10 for set up & delivery

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[Unknown Convict]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[seanc]

Once upon a time there was a dirty old man.


But now there's millions of us!

 

[sleepy]

I’m looking to start an all male Pillow Queens tribute act. We’re going to be called the Mattress Mickeys

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[pete]

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[seanc]

What do you call a drummer who can keep time?


Roland