Quotes from your parents (1 Viewer)

I keep getting one line emails asking what we have here since they are visiting in October. Apparently, hydration is on their mind.

Do they have soda there?
Do they sell Coors Light in the bars?
Can I drink the water?
I shall answer for you.
Yes but they're called minerals.
If you drink that piss you don't deserve to be in a bar.
Yes, unless you're in Galway in which case probably boil it first.
 
rang home the other night and my mam told me this story about the previous weekend:

"Me and your father left the house on Sunday to go to Mass and while your father was reversing the car out of the driveway I just noticed something on the front step of the house next door out of the corner of my eye. Turns out it was their son E--- sleeping on the front step so I called round the back and got his parents up. They came round the front and were slapping him round the face trying to wake him up but getting no response so they called an ambulance. He'd been at a stag in Carrick On Shannon the night before and they figured someone must have drove him down and left him on the front step passed out.
There wasn't too much else we could do so we headed on to mass but I was sitting there thinking the whole time "Oh Lord, I'll be called in to an inquest" so the first thing I did when I got home from mass was call in next door. There was no ambulance which was a good sign and the first person I met was his father who said

"Jesus, Mrs. Sleepy you really scared the shite out of us there. That wasn't E--- at all. Turns out it was just some fella that looks really like him. Someone must have found him passed out in one of the pubs, thought he was E---, drove him here and left him on the doorstep. We only copped on after you left because we noticed he had a tattoo. We got him woken up just as the ambulance arrived and he started shouting "Where the fuck am I? Who the fuck are all you people? I'm not getting in any fucking taxi." He walked on then. The real E---'s still in Carrick"
"
 
Brilliant, Sleepy.

Had a conversation with my mom last night and the topic of funerals came up. She said that my father said, which ever of them die first will be left in an urn until the other one passes. Then they will be mixed and buried together. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not so I said, how do you feel about that? Her response, "I thought death would bring me some peace but I guess not." My father will not go anywhere without my mother. It's bizarre.
 
My da went into a rant about that film Monsters Inc. a little while back.

"It's ridiculous, the little monster has only 1 eye and you see him catching stuff. Totally unbelievable. HE'D HAVE NO DEPTH PERCEPTION!!!"
 
After ordering hake in a cream asparagus sauce at a restaurant.

Dad: Where's the tarter sauce?
Me: It doesn't come with it, it already has a sauce. It's a French bistro not a fish & chip shop.
Dad: But we're in Ireland not France.
Me: Fair enough.

Dessert time:

Dad: That's not pecan pie! Pie is triangle not square.
Me: Does it taste like pecan pie?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Then it's pecan pie.
 
Dad: Sorry I haven't called in a while, I lost my phone in a bar.
Me: That's fine, I'm just happy you're OK.
Dad: Eh well I'm just after getting out of hospital. I was in a fight in a bar last night and have two fractured ribs and a broken finger. There were two european guys in there out of their faces and they started smashing up the place. The thi lads wouldn't stop them because they're tourists, so hopped on them. I got them out in the end, so I won.
Me: Dad you do realise that you're 61, right?
Dad: Yeah I know, if I was younger I'd have ducked quicker.

It's not supposed to be this way.
 
Dad: Eh well I'm just after getting out of hospital. I was in a fight in a bar last night and have two fractured ribs and a broken finger.

Haha ffs

My parents were in Russia lately and they missed the bus from the airport into Moscow and so got a taxi. My ma was getting nervous after they'd been driving for ages, says my 70-year old da in a disgusted voice "dunno why, if I couldn't have taken that taxi driver I may as well throw me hat at it"
 

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